Hey, maturity can be fun -- and funny!

[Chris]

Hey, I have no problem with being a "mature" man, and love to find the humor that comes with age. How about we contribute some of our favorite jokes about the golden years. I'll start with one or two.

Two 80 year old men are driving down the road when they hear the Ex-Lax commercial end with the statement: "It makes you feel young again."

John looks at Sylvester and says, "We need to pull over and get a bottle of that stuff!"

Sylvester agrees and the two old men pull over and get a bottle of Ex-Lax. They both take two tablespoons each and continue to drive.

About one mile later Sylvester asks, "Well John, do you feel young yet?"

"No," replies John.

So they pull over and take four more tablespoons a piece and continue to drive down the road.

A couple of miles later, Sylvester asks, "John, do you feel younger?"

"No," replies John, "but I sure did a childish thing!"

[Chris]

Re: Hey, maturity can be fun -- and funny!

RETIRING IN PEACE

A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment. Then a new school year began. The very next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came down his street, beating merrily on every trash can they encountered. The crashing percussion continued day after day, until finally the wise old man decided it was time to take some action.

The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the young percussionists as they banged their way down the street. Stopping them, he said, "You kids are a lot of fun. I like to see you express your exuberance like that. In fact, I used to do the same thing when I was your age. Will you do me a favor? I'll give you each a dollar if you'll promise to come around every day and do your thing." The kids were elated and continued to do a bang-up job on the trash cans.

After a few days, the old-timer greeted the kids again, but this time he had a sad smile on his face.

"This recession's really putting a big dent in my income," he told them. "From now on, I'll only be able to pay you 50 cents to beat on the cans."

The noisemakers were obviously displeased, but they did accept his offer and continued their afternoon ruckus. A few days later, the wily retiree approached them again as they drummed their way down the street.

"Look," he said, "I haven't received my Social Security check yet, so I'm not going to be able to give you more than 25 cents. Will that be okay?"

"A lousy quarter?" the drum leader exclaimed. "If you think we're going to waste our time, beating these cans around for a quarter, you're nuts! No way, mister. We quit!"

And the old man enjoyed peace

[Chris]

Re: Hey, maturity can be fun -- and funny!

Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.

He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.

The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."

To which the gentleman said, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"

[Chris]

Re: Hey, maturity can be fun -- and funny!

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280. Please be careful!"

"Heck," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"

[Chris]

Re: Hey, maturity can be fun -- and funny!

The Senate is investigating deceptive sweepstakes practices. These companies target the elderly and make them think they will receive a bunch of money, but in reality they never see any of it.

The most popular of these scams is called Social Security.

[Chris]

Re: Hey, maturity can be fun -- and funny!

And, one more -- but it's no joke -- it's the truth!!


In the dim and distant past
When life's tempo wasn't so fast,
Grandma used to rock and knit,
Crochet, tat and baby sit.

When the kids were in a jam,
They could always call on Gram.
But today she's in the gym
Exercising to keep slim.

She's checking the web or surfing the net,
Sending some e-mail or placing a bet.
Nothing seems to stop or block her,
Now that Grandma's off her rocker.

[Chris]

Re: Hey, maturity can be fun -- and funny!

Well, obviously humor is not going to do it, so what's it gonna take to liven up this room a little bit?

Just because we're over 50 doesn't mean we're dead! Let's talk about something with which all of us, in this age group, can identify -- even if it isn't Atkins related.

Where did you grow up, and what's your fondest memory of that time?

I grew up in a small town in South Carolina. I still have such warm feelings when I remember the summers with my friends and I riding our bikes to the pool (with cards attached to the spokes to make a loud flapping noise) or riding up to the little Mom & Pop store to buy a nickle candy bar and a 25 cent comic book. I remember Saturday mornings watching Sky King and My Friend Flicka, and Saturday afternoons, when we spent hours at the local movie theater for fifty cents, each. Monday nights were always special, because we couldn't make any plans, lest we miss I Love Lucy!

I remember salesmen who actually went door to door, and Mom holding Tupperware parties. I remember milk being delivered to the door, in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers, and gasoline that was 20 cents a gallon, and was pumped by an attendant who also cleaned the windsheild, checked the oil, and gave green stamps. Hey, we could drive around all day for a $1.00!

So, what do you remember?

[sallyseachange]

Re: Hey, maturity can be fun -- and funny!

Only just saw the jokes Chris.... too funny!

I grew up all over the place... Devon (UK), France, Libya, Italy....
Libya was way cool with all the beaches and swimming.... also felt so very pleased to be going to Italian school there, because they only worked up until one o'clock! (we had to work saturdays too though, which was the downside!).

All in all, the pros of an irregular childhood rather outweigh the cons, I think...but then I don't know any different, do I?!!

One of my favourite memories is playing under the giant apricot tree with my lovely doggie (called doggie!)....

[Chris]

Re: Hey, maturity can be fun -- and funny!

Wow, Sally, until I looked at your signature, based on your picture I would never, EVER, have thought you were eligible to even be in this forum! (Do you have a picture in your attic that ages for you, like Dorian Gray?)

Your youth sounds like my fantasy! Growing up I always dreamed of traveling abroad, but never got the chance to do so until I was in my twenties. Today, though, I'll hop on a plane to Europe at the drop of a hat! I'm especially fond of the Romance countries -- Italy, Spain, and France. I was a high school French teacher for 15 years, and I used to take a group of students to France, sometimes with short visits to other countries, every year.

So, how many languages do you speak? Do you still travel to other countries? What part of Italy do you live in?

I've only been in the southern areas -- Rome and south; but, all the way to Sicily. I think it's one of the most beautiful places I've ever seen. The Amalfi Coast takes the breath away; and I could easily live in Sorrento, on the Isle of Capri, or in Taormina for the rest of my life!

[sallyseachange]

Re: Hey, maturity can be fun -- and funny!

Well thanks for the compliment Chris! That pic is me at 52 (nearly 53 now). Nice and dark so you can't see the lines and wrinkles! No Dorian Grey pic to hand, more's the pity!

Yes... travelling is great, isn't it?! Glad you like Italy. I have to say, it's a wonderful place to live, though quite a challenge to an Atkineer (all that pane, pasta and pizza!!). I too love Sicily, and have four flatlets in the Aeolian Islands (volcanic archipelago off Sicily) where I am at this very moment. But usually live in Umbrian countryside, between Rome and Florence.

Thanks for reminding me about bikes with cards flapping on the spokes, to make an engine noise! I remember doing that too as a kid! What fun!

[ttdriver]

Re: Hey, maturity can be fun -- and funny!

I grew up (and lived half my life) in Omaha, Nebraska; yes a corn and cow town!

I remember not having air conditioning. I remember living in a 3 story house without air conditioning in the heat/humidity and sleeping sitting up with my head in the window ledge, begging for a breeze. I remember not owning a color TV until I was 14. I remember 3 channels. I remember "Our Gang" and "Howdy Doody". I remember Malt-O-Meal. I remember PF Flyers and Red Ball Jets. I remember Bazooka Joe bubble gum, Sloe Pokes and Black Cows. I remember collecting pop bottles for 2 cents each. I remember when the only diet soda was Tab. I remember the Watkins man. I remember walking a mile to school everyday. I remember when only rich people ate out. I remember going to the A&W Rootbeer Stand and getting a Papa Rootbeer for a quarter, a Mama Rootbeer for a dime and a Baby Rootbeer free. I remember when cars didn't have seatbelts and you shifted gears on the steering column. I remember when Mom was home when I got home from school. I remember Friday night fights on TV. I remember Dizzy Dean and PeeWee Reese. I remember when the Mets won the world series. I remember what I was doing when President Kennedy was shot. I remember what I was doing when Lee Harvey Oswald was shot. I remember when we prayed before we had crackers and milk in kindergarten: "Thank you for the world so sweet, thank you for the food we eat; thank you for the birds that sing, thank you God for everything." And *that* was in a public school. I remember when we called it Christmas vacation and Easter vacation. And *that* was in a public school.

Betty

[Chris]

Re: Hey, maturity can be fun -- and funny!

I grew up (and lived half my life) in Omaha, Nebraska; yes a corn and cow town!

I remember not having air conditioning. I remember living in a 3 story house without air conditioning in the heat/humidity and sleeping sitting up with my head in the window ledge, begging for a breeze. I remember not owning a color TV until I was 14. I remember 3 channels. I remember "Our Gang" and "Howdy Doody". I remember Malt-O-Meal. I remember PF Flyers and Red Ball Jets. I remember Bazooka Joe bubble gum, Sloe Pokes and Black Cows. I remember collecting pop bottles for 2 cents each. I remember when the only diet soda was Tab. I remember the Watkins man. I remember walking a mile to school everyday. I remember when only rich people ate out. I remember going to the A&W Rootbeer Stand and getting a Papa Rootbeer for a quarter, a Mama Rootbeer for a dime and a Baby Rootbeer free. I remember when cars didn't have seatbelts and you shifted gears on the steering column. I remember when Mom was home when I got home from school. I remember Friday night fights on TV. I remember Dizzy Dean and PeeWee Reese. I remember when the Mets won the world series. I remember what I was doing when President Kennedy was shot. I remember what I was doing when Lee Harvey Oswald was shot. I remember when we prayed before we had crackers and milk in kindergarten: "Thank you for the world so sweet, thank you for the food we eat; thank you for the birds that sing, thank you God for everything." And *that* was in a public school. I remember when we called it Christmas vacation and Easter vacation. And *that* was in a public school.

You, know, Betty, just reading between a few lines, there, I think I like you even better than before (and that's saying a lot)!

You remember some things that I don't, but it has nothing to do with age -- I just must have not been familiar with those particular items.

I don't remember Malt-O-meal, or Sloe Pokes, or the Watkins man, and have no idea what they are. We didn't have an A&W, but there was a McDonald's in the "big town" near our small one, where the hamburgers were 15 cents.

I used to call my friends on the telephone by dialing 5 numbers. Now, I have to "dial" (push buttons, actually) 10 to call my next door neighbor!

I was at school when JFK was assassinated; and my whole family was at the dinner table, with the TV on because of the on-going events, when Oswald was shot -- on live television -- by Jack Ruby.

I remember when both Hawaii and Alaksa became states; which caused the flag to be redesigned twice in one year. Which was, also, the same year that the reverse side of the Lincoln one cent coin got a new image.

Coca-Cola's Tab was one of the earliest diet sodas, but not the first. I remember another, Patio Cola, made by Pepsi, and marketed at about the same time as Tab. A quick check on the Internet shows, much to my surprise, that Diet-Rite actually came several years before both of those.

And yes, Betty, I remember reciting the "full" version of the Pledge of Allegiance every morning, in school, and singing "Onward Christian Soldiers" in music class -- all in public school.

[ttdriver]

Re: Hey, maturity can be fun -- and funny!

You, know, Betty, just reading between a few lines, there, I think I like you even better than before (and that's saying a lot)!

How sweet! THANK YOU!

Wow, Onward Christian Soldiers?! Imagine what the ACLU would do with
*that!*

Sloe Pokes and Black Cows were like Sugar Daddies on a stick. Basically long-lasting caramel. Yum. The Watkins man came around door to door selling all kinds of junk you couldn't find anywhere else. You know, like the cough medicine that made you regret ever letting your mother know you had a cough. Blech. Oh yeah, I remember 15 cent McDonald burgers. Our town got its first McDonalds when I was 8. You had to step up to the window on the outside. Patio Cola? We didn't have that .. just that gawd-awful Tab. We all thought diet sodas would never last. Not tasting that bad anyway.
Then came Fresca and we realized maybe Tab wasn't that bad after all.

Betty