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I try to live life with no regrets, and I strongly feel that the only true mistake is a mistake you've made before. Well I am now regretting something and it's because I've made the mistake before.
Back in 1989 I graduated from my training for the Army, I weighed 199 pounds (had lost almost 40), and was in the best shape of my life running 5 miles a day. I slowly cut the running out of my life and the weight began to pack on until I topped out at a whopping 348 pounds early in 2004. When I graduated college in 2001 at 250 pounds I was already mad at myself for messing up what I had worked so hard for, never mind how I felt when I was finally fed up enough (literally) to do something about it back in 2004. I swore to myself if I ever worked that hard to lose all the weight, I'd NEVER let myself go again like I did.
Well I let myself down on that oath, I regained 38 pounds of my 73 lost. Now I have to relose the same weight I lost before, and suffer the same hard work I already did. Who does this to themselves? I ran this morning for the second time since the fall (I ran on a warm day back in January) and man was it tough. Last summer a 5 mile run was starting to get easy, and a 10 miler wasn't even that bad. This morning my 5 mile run was brutal. I was miserable and what made it worse was I knew it was because I'd done it to myself. Think about it, how easy is it to run 5 miles carrying a 30 pound bag of dog food? I want to run more races this year, and have better times in the races that I ran last year. Now I have to work that much harder just to get back to where I was, never mind improving upon it. I know it was my first real training run of the season, but still I let myself go too far. When I'd fallen off the wagon before, I'd gain 5 or even 10, but a couple of weeks and it'd be gone. Now I'm hoping that I can get to new lows maybe by May. It's pathetic.
My innate laziness has done me in. My inability to stay the course has proven to be the biggest obstacle in my weight loss journey. Even now I feel the self loathing that drove me to start this in the first place. I was starting to feel good about how I looked and enjoyed all the compliments. Now if I get a compliment it leaves a bitter taste in my mouth because I know it's undeserved, because I've erased more than half of my loss, and I know that just 5 months ago I looked that much better. If I had just stuck with the plan like I was supposed to, I'd be at goal today.
So I have a big regret, but it's one I can do something about. I know how to do it, I have the support to do it, and I want to do it. This is the year that I stop being a child and grow up, and just get it done. I don't want to be a success story because I got halfway there, to me that's not success. Will I struggle? Sure. Will I slip? Maybe, but hopefully not. Will I succeed? Absolutely.
Lots of people have regrets in life, I try not to. But this one regret I will not allow to stick around. I have that power, and it's exhilarating. This is MY year. I deserve it and I'm worth it.
Back in 1989 I graduated from my training for the Army, I weighed 199 pounds (had lost almost 40), and was in the best shape of my life running 5 miles a day. I slowly cut the running out of my life and the weight began to pack on until I topped out at a whopping 348 pounds early in 2004. When I graduated college in 2001 at 250 pounds I was already mad at myself for messing up what I had worked so hard for, never mind how I felt when I was finally fed up enough (literally) to do something about it back in 2004. I swore to myself if I ever worked that hard to lose all the weight, I'd NEVER let myself go again like I did.
Well I let myself down on that oath, I regained 38 pounds of my 73 lost. Now I have to relose the same weight I lost before, and suffer the same hard work I already did. Who does this to themselves? I ran this morning for the second time since the fall (I ran on a warm day back in January) and man was it tough. Last summer a 5 mile run was starting to get easy, and a 10 miler wasn't even that bad. This morning my 5 mile run was brutal. I was miserable and what made it worse was I knew it was because I'd done it to myself. Think about it, how easy is it to run 5 miles carrying a 30 pound bag of dog food? I want to run more races this year, and have better times in the races that I ran last year. Now I have to work that much harder just to get back to where I was, never mind improving upon it. I know it was my first real training run of the season, but still I let myself go too far. When I'd fallen off the wagon before, I'd gain 5 or even 10, but a couple of weeks and it'd be gone. Now I'm hoping that I can get to new lows maybe by May. It's pathetic.
My innate laziness has done me in. My inability to stay the course has proven to be the biggest obstacle in my weight loss journey. Even now I feel the self loathing that drove me to start this in the first place. I was starting to feel good about how I looked and enjoyed all the compliments. Now if I get a compliment it leaves a bitter taste in my mouth because I know it's undeserved, because I've erased more than half of my loss, and I know that just 5 months ago I looked that much better. If I had just stuck with the plan like I was supposed to, I'd be at goal today.
So I have a big regret, but it's one I can do something about. I know how to do it, I have the support to do it, and I want to do it. This is the year that I stop being a child and grow up, and just get it done. I don't want to be a success story because I got halfway there, to me that's not success. Will I struggle? Sure. Will I slip? Maybe, but hopefully not. Will I succeed? Absolutely.
Lots of people have regrets in life, I try not to. But this one regret I will not allow to stick around. I have that power, and it's exhilarating. This is MY year. I deserve it and I'm worth it.
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