Pissed off and frustrated.....

[Firemedic mom]

First, I'm frustrated at myself. I've been slipping up a lot lately. Sometimes on purpose. It's like after a year and a half of success, I'm sabotaging myself for some reason I don't even understand. I need to find out why I all of the sudden fear losing more weight....because that's what I think it is. I think I'm scared of success.

I exercise a LOT, so I haven't gained any weight. But I haven't lost any in a while now.

And I'm pissed off too. To be honest, I'm mad that I have to eat this way the rest of my life, that I can't handle desserts and sweets and other stuff that the people around me eat without any problem. Atkins is an easy way of life, yes.....but I feel trapped sometimes.

Sorry for the depressing vent. But I know if anyone would understand, it would be my CC friends.

Anne

[cleochatra]

Well, vent away, skinny mama!

I know we all hit those times of introspection and frustration about those things we can't change.

Look at me. I still get mad that both of my parents died while I was still so young.

I have to focus on the things I can change, even if it makes me manky sometimes. It's the stuff I can do nothing about that I have to learn to live with.

As for your not losing weight, you don't need to hear me ask if you've been counting carbs faithfully, if you've checked for candida albicans, or if you're in induction and need to move up into OWL. So I didn't just ask! I'm so clever that way! Or not.

As well, you've lost over 100 pounds... that is something to be poroud of! Truth is, the majority of America is Joe and Jane Rootbeer Gut and they all can't live the way they are either!

They just don't know your secret!

[2big4mysize]

:hug venting is much better then eating!


are you keeping a food journal and answering the Ws what who when where why and how you were feeling when you ate and afterwards? That can help you see if you have any triggering events and steps you can take to avoid those triggers in the future can be plotted.

Focus on what you can have and not what you can't and it will make your life more pleasant.

there is a post called psychologilcal obesety and it talks about hiding in our fat coats to prottect us for things we fear will happen when we are skinnier. you might want to take a look at it.

Hang in there you know you want this

Happy low carbing

[Isabeau]

I don't have any more words of wisdom then what you've already been given, so I'll just give you a big hug! *hugs*

[Kent]

I understand the sentiment, Anne. The frustration that you just can't be normal or relax for awhile. The success we've had isn't good enough or is good enough for just now, and you want normalcy in your diet. The good news is that you know your problems and your feelings. The old Anne might have not gotten that far to recognize the problem -- I know the old Kent certainly would not have.

So yes, we certainly understand the feeling.

[lisaj]

this is me too

there is a post called psychologilcal obesety and it talks about hiding in our fat coats to prottect us for things we fear will happen when we are skinnier. you might want to take a look at it.

2big, thanks for that. I found myself in that same position. I went from 320's down to 215 and then gained in a short time back to 250's. It has to be psychological. For me, when men start paying me attention, I get nervous I think. fatness is a huge putoff to ME. I can't imagine allowing myself to get close to anyone looking like i do. THAT is an attitude i have to change still about myself. I just don't know how. I'm in a LD relationship at this moment. I have gained 40 pounds since i saw him, and i feel like he will be disappointed if he sees me now. :sadblinky
The other part of me says, you better love me like i am, realizing I have the ability to do something about it and am trying. Self esteen is a huge issue.

Such good advice, trying to figure out why you eat, lose control, binge. Anxiety is my downfall, so is depression. Venting helps. I'm happy i found this place, lisa

[EMTchick]

Anne..
I am so sorry you are having such a hard time. You have done remarkably... so keep your chin up. I KNOW you cand do this! At least you are still exercising...that's a feat within itself! Hang in there.. .we're all rooting for you!

Ally

[Firemedic mom]

Thank you everyone for your encouraging responses. I've found the worst times are at work, especially later at night when the guys have gone to bed and I'm up late watching TV because I can't sleep. I start trolling the kitchen for snacks.

It's also worse when I'm home in the morning and the kids are at school....I become a food vacuum.

Hmm....I see a theme here.....lonely/alone = eating. Crap.

Exercise has been my lifesaver. I do cardio almost every day, and I've really been into weight training lately.

I looked for the psychological obesity thread and couldn't find it....help!

Anne

[sidrah]

I looked for the psychological obesity thread and couldn't find it....help!

http://www.atkinsdietbulletinboard.com/viewtopic.php?t=3300&start=0

That should do it for ya. :wave Was gonna copy it here, but there are 4 pages of responses, so...

[Deflating Diva]

Venting is a whole lot safer than stuffing oreos down your throat. I commend you for responding in a positive frame.
Deflating Diva

[papajack_1]

And I'm pissed off too. To be honest, I'm mad that I have to eat this way the rest of my life, that I can't handle desserts and sweets and other stuff that the people around me eat without any problem.

Anne,

I look at the way I hope to eat the rest of my life a little differently. Perhaps, having an alcoholic father has a part to do with my outlook. My father, through the grace of AA, was sober the last 15 years of his life. He was always thankful for the miracle of AA and for his sobriety, and was able to be with "drinkers" and not give into the desire to drink himself.

I, too, have times when I wish I could eat anything and everything that the world has to offer. But, that temptatation is far more outweighed for my being thankful for the miracle of Atkins that has allowed me to eat, to eat very well, and not be hungry.

[Eireamy]

I have the same trigger, when the cat's awaythe mice will play sortof thing. When hubby is gone I eat whatever I can get my hands on, then feel guilty when he notices that something is missing. I have made a commitment to jump on these boards as he leaves or once I get up when he works in the a.m. It seems to help curb the trigger for me.

We're pulling for ya! :hug

[Firemedic mom]

Jack....I have a couple of family members who are/were alcoholics as well. It's strange to think of how the two problems are related. One drink and an alcoholic gets off the wagon. One dessert and I fall apart. Very similar really.

Eireamy....I've done that before too. I don't have Internet access at work but I can request it....maybe I should.

Sidrah....the link told me I needed "special access"....help!

anne

[sidrah]

If I am not mistaken, it is in the women's forum. Just join that. In the meantime, here is the original post by Tanzonite50 below.. :nod

This is very hard for me to write, but I hope you will bear with me, as I feel I must write this. If it helps just one other person, it will be worth it. It is off topic as far as the Atkins WOE goes, but not what brings some of us to this point in the first place.

I have, through the years, read a lot of self-help books. I come from a very dysfunctional family and was physically, emotionally and sexually abused as a child and teenager. The sexual abuse was either caused by or done by my stepfather, whom I feared greatly. You don't need to know the whole story here, just that I carried this dark secret all of my life because I knew my mother would not believe me, or not do anything even if she did believe me. My husband, of course, knew and even as I got older I could not bring myself to tell my mother, as I feared she would not believe me or blame me. I was the oldest of 5 kids and the only one who was not his. I was always blamed for the conflict in our family--never good enough, etc.

Anyway, last year my stepfather walked on my mother after more than 50 years of marriage. It tore our family apart--my siblings took their father's side and I, of course, have been there for my mother. Well, in her attorney's office, with my youngest sister present, I was asked a question regarding my stepfather's temper and I said that i was afraid of him and that is why I put up with the sexual abuse. I was stunned when the words came out of my mouth. My mother was mortified.

Long story short, when she got done crying she did blame me that it happened more than once--because if only I had told her she would have left him, gotten me out of there, etc. etc.. . . yeah, right. She never stopped the physical or emotional abuse . . . so . . . isn't it easy to say what you would have done?

Anyway, when he found out I told he called me at 4:30 in the morning and began to tell me what all he had done for me over the years (roof over head, food in belly) and I confronted him with what he did. Long story short, I ended up in the hospital (they called it a flashback and post-traumatic stress), with blood pressure of 300+ over almost 200. They could not believe I didn't stroke out. And, as bad as the nightmare of it all was . . .

I do believe that having the burden of this secret lifted as enabled me to feel like I DESERVE to lose weight and be all that I can be. I no longer feel like I am hiding something that makes me an undeserving person.

I know I haven't explained it well. . . but what I want to say is that I truly believe that being overweight was kind of a subconcious self-induced punishment for me. I didn't deserve to feel good about myself.

And perhaps because I have confronted my abuser and but the blame where it should be, at long last, I am able to give myself permission to become more attractive.

I hope this post doesn't offend anyone. But if you know in your heart that there is something holding you back, I can only tell you from experience that you will be all that you can be if you face the demon and move on.

Thanks for letting me speak my heart. I care about every overweight person--man, woman and child. Because nobody wants to be obese.
And, of course, it is not always a psycological thing. . . but if one person realizes it is what is holding them back and finds strength, hope or someting of value in my words. . . then I will not have spoken in vain.

Gina

[Sarah_K]

Anne, first of all hang in there. We have all been there and know it's hard sometimes to keep going.

Hmm....I see a theme here.....lonely/alone = eating. Crap.

Looks like you're on to something, an emotional trigger. TV can also be a BIG, BAD trigger -- all those late-night commercials, showing you food you didn't even know you wanted before you saw them! It's also so easy to eat in front of the TV and not pay attention to what you're eating until it's too late.

If you find those commercials are way too tempting, you might switch to watching DVDs, or pre-record stuff on tape and fast-forward through the commercials. It seems like a small thing but it can really help.

Also, looks like having trouble sleeping is also an issue. What can you do to improve the quality of your sleep and make sure you're getting enough of it? Sleep can have a big effect on hunger and weight loss.