OT-- Need parenting advice...

[cleochatra]

We're moving to Colorado in the next month or two (slow transition). My kids don't know yet, but we've got to let them know by tomorrow because we have to announce it at our monthly Pack meeting (hubby is cubmaster and I'm committee chair). We need to find leadership replacements.

The kids need to know tonight, so we'll tell them. This is going to crush their little hearts. We've lived here 6 years. That doesn't sound like long, but when you have 4 kids aged 12 and under, that's a good chunk of their lives.

Do I soften the blow with a big going away party with their friends towards the end, or does that amplify the depressive qualities of the move?

I don't want them to slowly distance themselves from their friends now, but at the same time, maybe it would soften the blow?

So big blow out or slow distancing? Or both? Or neither?

Selfishly I am anti big party because I'll cry and feel like it's a funeral.

[jroche5998]

Growing up an Army brat, I have a bit of experience with this.

I would not recommend the party for the same reason. But definitely give the kids a chance to say good bye to their friends. Any close friends they can still stay in touch with, via e-mail (or God forbid snail mail). But kids are very adaptable, just make sure after the move that they are adjusting properly, and don't get too hung up in the "I miss my friends in Dallas". It will happen but it shouldn't become a big issue.

Good luck.

[Laurenfra]

we packed up our kids 10,5,5 and moved from NJ to Texas. They were excited looked at it as an adventure until they realized they would miss their friends. One thing we did to help soften it was get the older one his own email address and got an unlimited long distance phone plan. So when we got to texas and the wanted to call a friend the answer could be yes. In the beginning they wrote and called daily, as they made friends here it eased up. Now everyone calls their old friends every other month or so.
Good luck jamie, it will be fine :hug

[Isabeau]

In my opinion, the nice thing is that your kids are at a great age for such a move. Latency age kids seem to adjust easier and faster than adolescents for all sorts of reasons. It may be harder for you thinking about it then them! Not to say that there won't be some sadness or even a bit of anxiety. I think that just opening the dialogue with them, acknowledging their feelings and even sharing some of yours that are appropriate will go a long way. If you have pictures of where you're going or looking together online at all the neat things in their new state could be fun. In terms of the party, you know your kids best. Good luck!

[nikki_e]

I have no kids and have no advice for you, but want to welcome you to Colorado! I know its a big change, but its a beautiful place to live. I just moved here last summer and have enjoyed it! Welcome (when you get here)!

[cleochatra]

Thank you, guys!!! I need to get over it and make with the happy-girl!

Anyone want to buy an RV?

Some wood flooring?

An above ground pool still in the box?

[Laurenfra]

Pm Me about the flooring and pool

[Lisa M]

I feel for you! We moved from Ohio to Idaho a year ago, and although my girls were 5 and 8 at the time, it was still hard to tell them our plans and see them give up their friends. However, I think softening the blow with encourageing them and their friends to write, call, anything to keep in touch really helped. Making it an adventure was also something that my oldest appreciated. I have one that doesn't take to change, and one that does, so making it an adventure and looking forward to what was here in Idaho to come to made the move even better. Don't forget to share your feelings as well. Kids will pick up on them, mine did.

All in all, keeping in contact for the past year with friends from afar has really helped.

Oh and yes, I'd have a part before you all go. It would be the chance to gather all the information to keep in touch! Best wishes.

[Laurenfra]

Yes I forgot about the party. My kids God mother gave them each an address book whick all the kids at the party filled out and wrote notes to them in. We took a lot of pictures that they each made a collage(sp?) For their rooms

[AWAaviatrix]

Let your kids stay in touch with their friends. Easy to do these days with IM. Tell them exactly why you are moving and when. Keep them involved in the process and if they want a good bye bash let them. Your 12 year old will probably be the most likley to be unhappyabout it but that should only be until he/she starts making new friends. It is a good thing you are moving before highschool starts as it is an easier adjustment and their entire being doesn't involve around their friends yet.
Good Luck,
Misty

[Katlam]

Good luck telling the kids Jamie! We moved twice, once when I was 10 and in the middle of 5th grade and again when I was 16 and in 11th grade. WORST one of all was 5th grade. If you can get moved and settled before school starts I'll bet it'll be easier.

Do let us know how it all goes.

Kathy :hug :hug

[Fluffynomore]

My father was with IBM which was similar to being in the military~IBM stands for I've Been Moved. When I was very young we moved every two years. I was always a little jealous of kids who stayed in the same school system all through school.

Even though I was sad to say goodbye to friends it made me very adaptable and able to make friends very easily. My parents would call a "family meeting" and we would be told about the new business opportunity for Dad, etc. I remember one time my parents even had us vote on where to move next~one choice was Paris, France.

We were fine because we had great parents who cared about our feelings. It didn't change what was going to happen, but at least we felt part of it.

Middle school is probably the hardest age to be the new kid. I would pay particular attention to that transition.

Good luck on selling your stuff!

[chubbychick]

I've never lived anywhere more than three years my entire life, and as a kid, you will adjust. I think really, in a sad way, I formed very few friendships, and moved on easily. Many times I wouldn't even tell my friends that was leaving because I hated the whole goodbye thing. But I did develop a way of looking forward, not backwards. I never let myself look out the back of the car window or turn around at all, just thinking, my life moves forward, not backwards. So, thinking about all the great things ahead, new friends with clean slates, the chance to re-invent yourself, I even changed my name with some of the moves, you can also tell them about what things can be different in a fun way, like the snow, mountains, clean air, fun places, etc. Make sure they get to take their pets with them!

I'm in the middle of a move myself right now, so stresssssssssss for me, but we'll all pull through.

[Kent]

I have moved my children a few times (my 5th grader has been in 4 different schools), but the kids will adapt. Be upfront with them, and they will see the necessity of the move in time. They might lose out on something, but focus on the cool new things that they might gain. A waterpark membership was enough to swing my kids' emotions. A little bribery never hurts.

[Deflating Diva]

I am so lucky DH and I decided before we had the kids to never move and we have been in the same house for twenty years with the same phone number. As a kid I lived in the same house all of my life but DH was moved around and hated it. But now as it looks more promising that the airport may buy us out we are talking about really moving on...As old as I am I get butterflies (low carb ones) in my stomach.
What ever you do I am sure the children will adjust you seem like a pretty cool Mom.
Deflating Diva