I need some advice.

[Ensifer]

Re: I need some advice.



Thank you, womanpraised. I am sitting here about as red as the icon above, but with a grin from ear-to-ear. I think perhaps I have been single too long and am slipping into some twisted form of dementia .

I used to have a photo up in before and after (that was taken about a month ago), but I took it down when I adjusted my weight goal. I don't think I kept a copy on my system, but I will check when I get home from work this evening. If not, I will take and post a new one. And please don't get me wrong... While I honestly appreciate the compliment(s), I am not fishing for them, but rather trying to adjust my own self image.

- Tom

[Sarah1341]

Re: I need some advice.

It never hurts to get feedback - and we like to see pictures! So post away

[Ensifer]

Re: I need some advice.

Ok, I found the photo I used to have up in B&A.

I don't know why, but I am far more nervous posting it here than there.

The photo on the left was taken with my mom at my heaviest. The photo on the right was taken about a month ago.

I will take a fully length photo when I get a working camera, Finelly.



- Tom

[cleochatra]

Re: I need some advice.

There's our hottieboy!

You really look amazing!

[Finelly]

Re: I need some advice.

Ok, well, I can see the problem.

When you were fat, you had color in your face. You looked healthy. And people hugged you.

Now that you are thinner, your skin looks like maybe a flashlight is going off in your face - sorta pale and very translucent. Also, nobody hugs you.

And of course, you only have one chin now.

[lowcarbing4ever]

Re: I need some advice.

Tom,

You have stated a common problem that most formerly overweight people find themselves in. It is the number one reason for relapse and it can be difficult to get thru. This is also one thing you have to take "one day at a time". You have to learn to change what they call the "mind speaK" in your head. You literally have to force yourself to look at yourself in the mirror and recite positive things about yourself and your body and do it every day, without fail. While that sounds stupid and trivial, some of my friends swear by it. When we are overweight, fat becomes a protection for us; not only from people/feelings but from feelings of how we see ourselves. We are always hardest on ourselves because we have trained ourselves in our heads when we are fat, (because of what people taunt us with) that we are not good enough. Those feelings turn into non-satisfaction with ourselves no matter what good we do or how we look. That is the hardest thing to change about yourself but it can be done. It takes a while and it could take longer than your weight loss but you can over come these feelings about your body. You have to look forward and think of all the progress you have achieved---BIG CONGRATS on the weight loss so far , by the way!!--and train your mind to learn to love yourself and your body as God gave it to you and, as far as weight loss, a work in progress. It is totally about self-image and to change your self image, you have to tell yourself things that reinforce your positive lifestyle change and habits. Write down some positive things/affiramtions about yourself, your body and your weight loss and say them daily in front of the mirror, no matter how stupid you feel at first (because you will feel ridiculous!). That is one of the ways you can change how you see your body. You will see results the more you do it. The mind is a muscle and you can retrain it. There are even websites that will send you affirmations in your email that you can say, too. When you feel yourself getting depressed, doing something light, like walking or doing a hobby can help. When I get bummed, stressed or want to eat, I paint. I paint lousy, by the way, but still it keeps my mind off the problem and sometimes food! lol! Just hang in there, Tom. Come here and read motivational stories and talk about your difficult times; that may also help with changing your outlook on yourself. We are here to help and listen!

[knicknack]

Re: I need some advice.

Well I for one think you look fantastic. But just remember, no one is perfect so you shouldn't have perfection as your ideal. I kind of have this problem too. I've always been rail thin and now I'm still thin but not the way I used to be so I worry about it and think I don't look good. I'm sure no one else thinks I look bad though but realizing this doesn't stop me from being self-conscious.

it really is all in the head. I'm sure it's hard taking a compliment at face value when you've spent a long time feeling bad about yourself. I think the idea above is a great one - make sure you spend time validating yourself every day, and combatting those feelings.

[Bugaboo]

Re: I need some advice.

Sometimes when I feel really bad looking I go to the mirror and smile at myself. A real smile. And if I can't muster one up I make faces at myself and tell myself things like "Look at you! You may not be done but what are complaining about! Remember when you would look in the mirror and not even know yourself! Snap out of it!" And eventually I smile at myself and feel a little better. Sometimes when I see pretty women I feel a little ticked with how I look because I'll never be pretty but at least I can be the best me I can be! Our own standards for ourselves are sometimes too high. Look how far you've come! Give yourself a pat on the back!

[Ensifer]

Re: I need some advice.

cleochatra -- I appreciate that.

Finelly -- heh I am a little confused by your post, to be honest. I am not sure if you're telling me I look unhealthy now, or using sarcasm to point out how I am being absurd.

lowcarbing4ever -- Thank you. That was very insightful (and articulate for that matter). I will take your advice, and similar advice I have received from others, and put it to action.

knicknack -- Thank you. Slowly, and boy do I mean slowly, I am starting to see "me", the me that I am now, the real me. I am really a bit paradoxical in that I am actually a very self confident person in every aspect but my looks. I appreciate you taking to time to post your thoughts.

Bugaboo -- I will start working on affirming the positive aspect of my weight loss. Thank you.

- Tom

[Terry]

Re: I need some advice.

Tom.. I think this is a thread that you should come back to from time to time to remind yourself of all the good advise you have gotten here from your ADBB buddies. It may help your perspective.

You can always count on the truth here. Even the ones laced with a healthy dose of sarcasm. Which by the way is a specialty here in the STAC forum!

[Finelly]

Re: I need some advice.

I was being sarcastic, silly! You look GREAT! 'Course, I can't see your body, and I know that's what you are concerned about.

[Sarah1341]

Re: I need some advice.

I remember seeing your pics now Tom!!!! You look great!!!!!! Don't be ashamed to post them. You are a success and have the power to inspire the rest of us that still have a long way to go. Post those pics with pride!!!