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I am back again after a 3-4 week hiatus/binge/depression. I want to thank all of you who tried to intervene before I succumbed to the panic of a difficult situation. I am still warmed by your thoughtfulness.
At first I felt as if I had let all of you down. I stayed away from the board and tried to make myself feel better in the only way I knew that I could. I ate everything, and ate until it hurt.
At first, my body was very forgiving. I had been so good for six weeks that it seemed my body was able to keep from putting any weight back on. Of course this only made me feel as if I was invincible and so I continued to eat, promising myself I would go back to eating right as soon as my stress was alleviated. Problem was (and is) my stress, although lessened, won't abate anytime soon. I have been ashamed of my lack of willpower for weeks, but it wasn't until I was badly humiliated by several incidents last week, that I knew it was time to admit my pain and try again. Even if it is the hundreth time around.
But despite my stumble (or more accurately, freefall), I really do know that there is no judgement here and only support. It is when I think that I can do this alone that I find myself in trouble. Unfortunately, by the time I realize this, the soldiers are already past the gates and I have to struggle to regain my lost ground. So I am back, and I thank each and every one of you, those that reply to posts and those silent members who share the same pain, for being here day and night. I cannot make it without you.
Jeanette
At first I felt as if I had let all of you down. I stayed away from the board and tried to make myself feel better in the only way I knew that I could. I ate everything, and ate until it hurt.
At first, my body was very forgiving. I had been so good for six weeks that it seemed my body was able to keep from putting any weight back on. Of course this only made me feel as if I was invincible and so I continued to eat, promising myself I would go back to eating right as soon as my stress was alleviated. Problem was (and is) my stress, although lessened, won't abate anytime soon. I have been ashamed of my lack of willpower for weeks, but it wasn't until I was badly humiliated by several incidents last week, that I knew it was time to admit my pain and try again. Even if it is the hundreth time around.
But despite my stumble (or more accurately, freefall), I really do know that there is no judgement here and only support. It is when I think that I can do this alone that I find myself in trouble. Unfortunately, by the time I realize this, the soldiers are already past the gates and I have to struggle to regain my lost ground. So I am back, and I thank each and every one of you, those that reply to posts and those silent members who share the same pain, for being here day and night. I cannot make it without you.
Jeanette
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