Pushy Friend

[Blackdiamonds77]

I love this board! I am on day 9 and feeling great. Definately in ketosis, and at this point there is nothing worth throwing how far I 've come away for. I know I'm getting ready to contradict myself here, so let me get it out there...
I have a wedding reception on Sat. night. It is not the food I'm worried about b/c I will eat beforehand. It is my friend, and she is terrible about telling me "well, you can have a rum and diet or bud select". Even after I've said no! Plus I'm in Induction...so double NO! She's a nurse, so she thinks I should value her word as I do Dr. Atkins (whatever). Yes, I'm a weenie and I have a problem with peer pressure, which is why I'm a STACR.
I came up with the brilliant idea to lie to her and tell her I'm on antibiotics and can't drink. I do NOT want to do that, I feel horrible even thinking about it. I can't believe how low I've sunk b/c I need to grow a backbone. I want to be honest with her which is why I'm posting. I need help articulating a nice firm no. I know I'm not the only one who has experienced these sabotagers. What have you done to save yourselves from falling off the wagon to please someone else?I HATE explaining myself to non-low carbers

[ValidRouge]

Re: Pushy Friend

Just say, "No thanks" give her a hug and turn to the server and order your water! I have the same thing happen. You've already identified your problem, and it's that you need to stand up for yourself and your WOE. This is more important than the drink at this point. The stronger you can make yourself right now, the more committed you become to this WOE and ultimately more committed to reaching your goals.

Do it for YOU!

[DragonflyMoon]

Re: Pushy Friend

Ooooh, that is such a tough one!!! I think you are on the right track, though, with coming up with a "firm no" ahead of time. Could you tell her that you just don't feel like drinking? Like, "You know, i value your opinion, and thanks for the input... i just don't *feel* like drinking tonight?" I don't know... i'm not very good at this either! I just wanted to throw something out there for 'ya!

Or make a joke out of it... "Hey, *peer pressure alert!* Back off!" And laugh?

I don't know... You could just cry... sit on the floor, hold your knees, rock back and forth and repeat... "You can't make me. You can't make me."

[Blackdiamonds77]

Re: Pushy Friend

Thank you so much for the replies. I've gotten a lot of reassurance out of the two I've gotten so far. Sometimes that's all some of us need to keep on track!
OMG DFM, I love the crying approach, the holding of the knees and rocking method is priceless. The funny part is I can see myself doing that ,no real tears of course, to freak her out (if she's persistant after I decline the grown up way). I like to throw the uptight ones for a loop. I laughed SO hard when I read your post. I am capable of handling things with humor and should probably go that route. I know that part of your post was only a joke, but you're a freaking genius!
Thank you, I know that the crazy approach isn't for everyone, but that totally works for me. I love it!

[dreamof145]

Re: Pushy Friend

Just stick to your guns and say no. If you feel that you might cave in and have a drink, volunteer to be the 'designated driver'. Then you'll have an excuse and she can't argue with that. I don't drink so I don't think twice about it when someone asks me to have a drink. But, I've had the same problem with people insisting that I have food. Once a girl even brought me a piece of cake after I said no. I politely accepted it and placed it down on the table for someone else to take.

[DragonflyMoon]

Re: Pushy Friend

Thank you so much for the replies. I've gotten a lot of reassurance out of the two I've gotten so far. Sometimes that's all some of us need to keep on track!
OMG DFM, I love the crying approach, the holding of the knees and rocking method is priceless. The funny part is I can see myself doing that ,no real tears of course, to freak her out (if she's persistant after I decline the grown up way). I like to throw the uptight ones for a loop. I laughed SO hard when I read your post. I am capable of handling things with humor and should probably go that route. I know that part of your post was only a joke, but you're a freaking genius!
Thank you, I know that the crazy approach isn't for everyone, but that totally works for me. I love it!

Awesome ~ you're my kinda girl! Sometimes you have to pull the wild card, you know? Sure, i was kidding... but i DO like to think of how that stuff would actually play out in my head, you know? I'm an only child, and we have to get creative...

[Outback Jess]

Re: Pushy Friend

Here is another tact, if she knows you are on Atkins, enlist her help, tell her you need her to be your watch dog, you don't want to drink you don't want those sugars, you have worked so hard and are finally in such a good place. Ask her to help you out, watch out for you, help you be strong! If she knows you are on Atkins.

[Lady_Hawke]

Re: Pushy Friend

I tend to be a b i t c h when someone tries to force me to do something or give an unwanted opinion. especially lately. I've said things like "you place more value on your advice then I do " "you've lost the right to an opinion with me" "helllllllllloooooooooooooo I said nooooooooooooooo" or "if I wanted a drink I would have ordered one - then turn and order your water". and my favorite is putting my fingers in my ears and saying "la la la I can't hear you"

You are so very smart to think it out before hand and be prepared - oh hey you can make a list of possible excuses and when she starts her advice/know it all session take the list out, she'll ask whats this - tell her you know her so well you prepared your answers in advance - then hand her the list. lol

ok seriously, just say no. if she pushes you ask her why she can't respect your decision. and smile sweetly.

Good luck. Have an awesome time and I know you can resist the temptation of peer pressure!

[Sarah1341]

Re: Pushy Friend

I think you have received wonderful advice - just hold firm. And if you start to feel tempted immediately stop to think: "will this drink be worth throwing me off track and belittling the progress I have made?" As a side note, if you fear you may run into any food pushers or if you think you may get over hungry and cave, I would suggest that you have an emergency snack in your purse. It sounds funny, but when faced with wedding dessert - I would want something else handy.

Good luck! You are going to do great!!

[sillyann]

Re: Pushy Friend

Why is it so important to her that you have a drink? This is not necessarily a question you want to ask her directly, but if she has some issues that you can think of, it might help you "grow a backbone." You aren't telling her that she has to not drink, or she must do Atkins, you just want a glass of water. The white lie of antibiotics is just your way of NOT being pushy.

It is very important to my MIL that I eat her cake. If I don't eat her cake, her issues take it personally. So I am sure to complement her on the food I can eat and thank her for her support when I say no. That's all I can do. I love her, but I am not going to eat that cake (Yes, I KNOW it's delicious Jan, I positively used to look forward to it. But I'm doing Atkins and I'm not doing that right now, your______________was super, just the thing. Here, let me help you with those dishes.) Eating that cake is not going to fix her issues.

[Blackdiamonds77]

Re: Pushy Friend

Dreamof145.....the designated driver is a wonderful idea. Who would argue with that? Friends would probably thank me b/c then they have a free card to get sloshed. I have gotten so many great ideas, I feel my backbone getting stronger and stronger as I read each reply
I look forward to reading your posts several times before I leave tomorrow, and I will be back to report the good news on Sunday.

[Sarah1341]

Re: Pushy Friend

I like your post Sillyann! That reallyl addresses the issue. What makes her want to push so hard on such a non-important issue? Is it really that important to her that you have a drink? Well said!

[jcapulet]

Re: Pushy Friend

Dreamof145.....the designated driver is a wonderful idea. Who would argue with that? Friends would probably thank me b/c then they have a free card to get sloshed. I have gotten so many great ideas, I feel my backbone getting stronger and stronger as I read each reply

I agree. I went to a bar once, and someone offered me a beer. I said I can't, I'm driving. They said "not even a little?" and I said no and smiled.

In response, he complemented "Wow! You're good!" and no one thought less of me for not 'joining in' with the drinking.

[Blackdiamonds77]

Re: Pushy Friend

Great point!! I don't know why people find it so important for you to join them while they drink, or eat their cake. That's is actually a good and direct question to ask. Maybe putting that perspective on it for them will make people back off. Honestly, I can't think of a good answer that they could give me.. It's funny though b/c if you say, "Oh, I'm making better choices for myself and being healthier", you get all this "oh, one piece won't hurt" or "you dont need to go on a diet". BUT if you say the doctor wants me to watch what I eat, then it's ok. Some family and friends have such a problem with you wanting to better yourself . It is SO bizarre.

[sillyann]

Re: Pushy Friend

Here's an idea... by coming up with the low-carb booze ideas, she may actually think she is HELPING you. You could say "No, I am absolutely not drinking tonight, but I need your help getting through that buffet..." or "If that server does not bring me a diet while I'm in the restroom, you make sure he or she knows, ok?" It may be some sort of convoluted attempt at support. My friends are like that. They mean well...last time I was on Atkins they introduced me to FRANKENFOODS, but at least it was not a brownie. Forgive them, for they know not what they do.