hurt feelings

[lisadallasr]

Hi everyone, well what can i say my feelings have been hurt and im having such a bad night, im really sad if someone could just say something encouraging i would greatly appreciate it. My 6yr old daughter came home from school really upset that one of her friends called her mommy fat now i know i should not let a child upset me but what is the most upsetting about this is i teach my child that calling anyone names is mean and she was hurt about it but i did not even know how to defend myself because its true, that is something i did not want is for my kids to have to defend for me if that makes sense. And on top of that me and my husband had an argument today and really have not made up and he is at work so i cant cry on his shoulder, im feeling depressed here and not sure how to handle it, this is when i usually turn to food, but the only thing im going to do is make me a hot cup of coffee and sip on it and take a hot bath to calm my nerves. I know im probally being silly but i cant even explain how it made me feel when my daughter blurted that out, i was embarassed for her that she had to deal with that. And on top of that i used a ketostix and there was no color where it has been purple for the last couple of days, i know they say dont depend on them but i find comfort in them, not sure what are the reasons they can change, i had 20 net carbs today so i did not go over. well im done venting just a little sad but i feel better now that i wrote this down, maybe i need to rewrite it in my journal, you all are so awesome and i appreciate every last one of you!!!!

[ValidRouge]

Re: hurt feelings

(((((((((((((((Lisa))))))))))))))))))))))

I'm so sorry that you are having a bad evening. I'd be hurt and want to cry too. You know what, you are working hard to change things in your life. Don't let this become an excuse to go off your plan. Use this to EMPOWER you in changing your WOE. I'm glad you came here and asked for help. THAT is powerful in and of itself.

YOU are powerful Lisa. You are powerful enough to make positive changes in YOUR life, in your daughters' lives, and in your husband's life.

Take tonight to do something PROACTIVE in your WOL. Maybe that's doing some sort of exercise instead of turning to food or beverage. Make up a grocery list or something proactive like that. Look up some fun and exciting recipe that you'll have tomorrow.

Instead of letting this defeat you, let it spur you to action tonight.

[LoveIsNoColor]

Re: hurt feelings

Oh Lisa hun,
I am new here , but I am so sorry that you had to go through that. I know how hurtful that can be...
I hope that you feel better after a nice hot bath hun. Remember, although it may have hurt to hear that now, think of how great you feel just knowing you are taking steps to become a more healthy you. Before you know it, you'll be saying "Look at me now!".
(BTW: What does that kid know, they probably still eat crayons for snack )

[julirama723]

Re: hurt feelings

Joy is right!

A couple months ago, I had a little student raise his hand and ask me, in front of the whole class, if I was pregnant, because I had a big belly like another teacher (who really was pregnant.) At first I was really hurt...I just answered the student, "no, I'm not going to have a baby. My belly is just a little bit fat right now." And they matter-of-factly said "Oh, ok." They weren't trying to be mean, it was just honest curiousity.

But I was really hurt at first. Incredibly hurt and embarassed. ESPECIALLY because I had already lost a bit of weight...25lb. or so. I thought I was looking better! But instead of dwelling on the negative side of it...I realized "It won't be much longer! Soon I won't have a big belly, I'll have a little belly, and after that I won't have a belly at all!" I made lemonade out of my lemons that day--it just inspired me to work harder (and focus on ab work, ha ha) and stay even more focused.

As to what to say to your daughter...talk to her about it. Be honest, even if it hurts. Talk about how you're on the track to becoming a very healthy mommy (who can kick the other mommies asses...but leave that part out! LOL) and that kids are mean little jerks sometimes. Be empowered by it. Say something like "is that really all so-and-so could come up with?" Show your daughter that you will not be swayed by stupid comments, that you are strong, and committed to improving your life.

[ValidRouge]

Re: hurt feelings

(BTW: What does that kid know, they probably still eat crayons for snack )

Hee Hee this gave me a chuckle.

Oh, and lisa, if you were under your 20 net grams of carbs for the day and your stick didn't change color, it was probably a bad stick. Take it easy on yourself and check it again tomorrow.

[Wonder Woman]

Re: hurt feelings

Well, at least weight is not a permanent trait. It's something that changes. Fat people can become thin and thin people can become fat. It's not who you are, it's just where you happen to be right now. I was at the gym tonight and was the only girl in a room of young guys and the only fat person at that. Still, I thought to myself, oh well, at least I'm here!


I hope you are able to relax in the bath and just be by yourself, away from the world for a while. Being called names, whether to intentionally hurt someone or not, is never fun and you have every right to have hurt feelings. At least most of us on this board can relate. I hope you have a good evening.

[lisadallasr]

Re: hurt feelings

oh thank you everyone for the encouraging words i needed it so bad tonight. I have been feeling a little sorry for myself today for some reason, with everything going on around me but i stayed strong and did not endulge in any food, sorry Joy i did have that cup of coffee actually i tallied it into my fitday this morning for two cups and just had that second one so im still at 20 net with that, i usually drink only one but it does not cause any cravings, i just try to do that because i put splenda and heavy cream in it, as far as the sticks not changing not to sure if this has anything to do with it but i just started that tom, if that can make a difference i would not think it would. Once again thank you ladies for lifting me up when i couldnt do it on my own, it feels good to come vent here with you all.

[ValidRouge]

Re: hurt feelings

That darned TOM. Always messing with us in one way or another! I've had the sticks act funky during TOM. Find comfort in eating your food correctly and once TOM is gone, everything will go back to normal (sticks, scales, etc.)

[OBob]

Re: hurt feelings

Take tonight to do something PROACTIVE in your WOL. Maybe that's doing some sort of exercise instead of turning to food or beverage.

Instead of letting this defeat you, let it spur you to action tonight.

I found this to be a big help to me tonight. Earlier, I was feeling fairly depressed for a variety of reasons, and where I normally would have turned to food to dull the emotion, I decided to go to the beach and knock off some stairs for the flights challenge. It didn't necessarily turn me into a big smiley face, but it gave me something very positive to balance out the negative feelings I was having.

Also, Lisa, one of the things that helps mightily in overcoming addiction problems (and if you've read Atkins, you understand that this is very much about addiction) is having a solid set of reasons that are the orgininal motivation for your pursuit of freedom from that addiction. When, at some point in time, you're feeling confronted with a choice between continuing down the path you've chosen, or reinstigating the destructive pattern, having those reasons handy becomes a real benefit.

It sounds to me like this situation is one very powerful reason for you. I would keep this post bookmarked, and even print it out, and carry it in your handbag. As Joy says, use this as motivation for continuing the road you're on; not as a roadblock.

Your fellow carboholic,


OBob

[Outback Jess]

Re: hurt feelings

Hey Lisa, Your emotions put you on shaky ground, and yet you did not fall down. Words hurt, sometimes worst than sticks and stones. I love how you came here and regrouped and felt love and support! Smart girl. Your beautiful girls will see your example of goodness shine. You are teaching them your NEW coping skills that you are developing right in front of all of us. TOM emotions make things so much worst..they are full of despair! Today will be a better day!

[PigsInSpace]

Re: hurt feelings

Lisa,

Isn't it funny how we outgrow all those cruel things that kids say and then we unexpectedly have to endure them again when we have our own? I had a similar thing happen to me. Kids state the truth, they don't have censoring and they don't have any CLUE how hurtful they are. This is a fact of life that will never change. The only thing ever that you can do is take the high road. When it happened to me (my son's best friend informed my son that his mommy was fat), my son had an okay attitude about it. He didn't know I was fat, really and he sort of asked me like, "Hey mom, David said you are fat....I didn't think you were fat...are you?" Which I thought was funny because I was only a size 14 and David's mom was about the same as me. But it really shows you that your child's love for you is blind beyond the fat and it is 1,000 times more awesome than any harsh thing some peon of a 10 year old comes up with. My response to my son as soooo not politically correct as it is was this:
I said, very matter of factly, "Well, David's mom has buck teeth, but you have the good manners not to say anything to David about it, don't you?"
"Yeah," my son said.
"So what does that tell you about David?" I asked.
"That he has bad manners?" he responded.
"Yes. And who teaches him his manners?"
"His parents." he said.
"Would you ever say anything like that to David or about anyone else's mother?"
"No," he said.
Then I explained to him that it is NOT an insult to think truth of someone. It is only an insult to say it to them. My son understood that what David said about me was just plain mean and frankly, stupid.
Then I also said to him that whatever he hears about me being fat or ugly or whatever, that was between him and his friends. Then I told him that to repeat an insult is to give an insult yourself, and that if anyone of his friends had anything else to say about his mother, all he had to do was say, "It's impolite to speak of people that way, especially my mother," and walk away.

So all I can say to you is that you cannot take the mean words of random children into your own heart because you are wiser.

But taking a bath and drinking tea--how nicely you treated your body after it was insulted. You didn't sabotage it. Treating your body nicely when you feel bad should be what we are taught to do from birth. Instead of, "come on, I'll buy you a milkshake and happy meal, that will make you feel better" from our parents, if we'd heard, "how about you go take a nice hot bath and we'll play scrabble" whenever you'd feel bad. Just imagine the tools we'd have today if that was the world we grew up in instead.
You're doing perfect.

I do understand girls are more sensitive and take things personally and take things to heart. I bet all of us remember each and everytime that someone called us a name or fat. Kids are just cruel

[lisadallasr]

Re: hurt feelings

thank you jess and pigsinspace for the comment, i do feel better already to be honest. My oldest daughter is the sweetest though, and i just felt more bad for her than for me really, but she seemed good this morning, she said that the same little girl is just mean and that maybe she doesnt need her as a friend, that she was mean to another little girl in her room. Not sure where everyone stands with religion and i know it is politically incorrect to talk about but that here lately she has been really concerned with going to heaven and about God and that is one thing she said to me is that God doesnt like that when you say mean things to hurt someones feelings, im like no he dont sweetie but in the back of my mind im so happy that she understands, just thought i would share that it made my day to know that she is a little conscious of what comes out of her mouth to others.