WHY this relationship with food?

[dimar97]

I am sitting here reading through posts (including some of my old ones) and I am wondering WHY the relationship with food is SOOOO challenging for so many of us? HOW did it get that way? Really, when you get down to it, it's just fuel for the body - why do we have ANY emotional connection to it at all? How can what I eat be directly linked to my self-confidence? Why, if I am "good" do I feel strong and virtuous but if I am "bad" and cheat or even THINK about cheating do I feel my self-worth diminishing and I start to feel like a failure with no self control etc etc. Its nuts when you think about it, at least it is to me when I think about it. Like many here, I fight cravings and still look at food as a reward and a comfort and a boredom killer but the question remains - WHY? Any thoughts?

[julirama723]

Re: WHY this relationship with food?

For me, it has almost everything to do with how I was raised. Food was always a reward. If I behaved in church, if I cleaned my room, if I got a great report card, what was the treat? Cupcakes, McDonald's, Pizza, Donuts, etc. Food became a symbol of a job well done.

Also, food was something that was treasured in my family, and brought us together. Family recipes bring back memories of holidays or spending time with loved ones. My family's Christmas Cookies, or Chicken Noodle Soup makes me think of my Grandmother. Baking a strawberry pie makes me think of beating the summer heat in the cool air-conditioning of my Godmother's house. Eating marshmallows reminds me of all the summers spent camping with my family on Lake Huron.

I think my parents used food as a reward because when they were young, food was often the ONLY reward their families could afford. My mother's parents emigrated to this country from Poland and Romania, and were VERY poor. My father's family was also very poor, and had many a Salvation Army Christmas. What were the gifts or treats they recieved? Special foods or sweet treats. That thinking was instilled in me. It's a way to show love, and I'm still guilty of doing it. If my boyfriend had a bad day, I'd make him a grilled cheese sandwich. If I wanted to do something special for dinner, I'd make foccacia for him to eat with his tortellini. When I would visit my parents, I would bake batch after batch of cookies for them.

So now it's a matter of showing my love without resorting to food. It's so hard! I haven't figured out what to do in some situations.

[lancelotsgirl]

Re: WHY this relationship with food?

Dimar, you have raised a very great question here.
I think Julie hit the nail on the head...our generation especially, got food as a reward. My grandmother (a child during the depression in the US) would say to me when I was a child, "honey have some more...here's a piece of pie...would you like some cookies, I bought them just for you and your sisters?"
Some foods remind me of the times when I was younger and I would go to my grandmother's house and eat "special" food that was meant just for my siblings and I. My parents hated eachother when I was growing up, they divorced when I was 18. I'm the eldest of 4 and I can remember wanting to go visit my granmother after my parent's had a fight, I felt so left out and unloved as kid that grandma's house was the best place to be with unlimited bagels and "my" own strawberry flavored cream cheese...cookies...ice cream, you name it.
I do not want my children to live the way I have in the past; my best friend being food. I do not want them being sad or lonely or even depressed EVER enough to turn to food, instead I want to be there for them, unlike the way I was raised.
I also think that food several generations ago was a symbol of status. If you were pale and healthy or a little "plump" (overweight), you were considered wealthy and well to do. I'm wondering if through the last several generations did we take this overboard? Think about it, we don't need to eat up and store fat on ourselves in case we have a bad winter or the harvest will be bad in a few months. In our time we are so lucky to have the things we do, stable housing, microwaves, electricity, fridges/freezers, grocery stores with food pouring out of them. We really don't have the need or want for food, it's all around us! Our technology is making us fat, hydrogenated oils and fats, trans fats, sugars, refined sugars...none of this was around 100 years ago.

[SandyL2002]

Re: WHY this relationship with food?

Good question.. I know for me growing up...we had nothing in the house.. nothing to snack on.. I never drank soda's.. So when I got out on my own I could buy whatever I wanted... So then it was about control. What I put in my mouth no one can tell me that I can or can't.. So now with my own children I don't make a big deal about food either. My daughter is 14..105lbs.. She eats like every 2 hours.. But she only eats a little.. She never stuffs herself.. Even at a buffet. (kind of makes me mad that I waste a lot of money) I NEVER make her clean her plate.. She is not big into breads..or sweets.. She does like to much soda..but her boyfriend encourages her to drink water. So I hope I am teaching them that its okay to leave food on your plate

[b'sgirl]

Re: WHY this relationship with food?

i agree!I ask myself that question too.Why are we so attatched to food.for me it is comforting.I have a 14 mo old and me and my husband asked me one time if i was going to make him clean his plate win he was older.And i say absolutely not.So many of us was raised that way.You did'nt waste food.If you think about it why force feed them if they don't want it why make them eat it.It took me forever to learn not to clean my plate.I hated throwing it in the trash.If there is alot left i just eat the next day.I hope i can teach my son to eat well.I watch his sugar intake and i don't feed him alot of junk.I know he is going to be a kid and want cookies and cakes but i don't want it to be a staple.hopefully he won't have a big taste for sweet if i don't feed it to him now.maybe wishfull thinking!I dread the day he asks for soda.My husband brian has tried to give him a taste and i refuse to give my baby soda.I hope i am teaching him well