My BF likes me chubby

[guekjian]

Re: My BF likes me chubby

Well said CatBlue...and I totally agree with you.

[CATBLUE]

Re: My BF likes me chubby

Thanks...

[Anna7494]

Re: My BF likes me chubby

My boyfriend generally likes chubbier women as well. While he IS supportive of my losing weight for my health and happiness, I've realized that the reason for gaining all my weight back after I did Atkins the first time MAY have been a result of a subconcious fear of him not being as attracted to me with less curves and bulges. Thankfully he is supportive and says he finds me attractive either way. Your boyfriend needs to be the same way, or kick his *** to the curb! You have to do what's right for you. Don't sacrifice your health, happiness, and quality of life just to satisfy someone else. Sounds like he is more concerned with what's on the outside...

[speedygt03]

Re: My BF likes me chubby

Yeah, I agree with the others.

I think he just wants you that way, for control. Because he thinks less people will be attracted to you, so he wont have to worry about someone else catching your eye.

Men are just....dumb. Period.

(except mine) .... (sometimes) ...

[FatTony]

Re: My BF likes me chubby

Dumb man here .. but one who's smart enough to figure out (as others have done) that this is VERY POSSIBLY a control thing. I would temper this by adding that I know nothing about your relationship.

BTW this isn't gender specific either ..
"you're just trying to lose weight so you'll be more attractive" ..
well ... yes .... that's one of the reasons .. others include, lowering my blood pressure so I can ditch the meds, improving my general health and well-being, making ME feel better about me, and (I hope) lengthening my life span (the worst place for a guy to carry fat is round his belly).

My attitude is "you don't like it .. deal with it".

[speedygt03]

Re: My BF likes me chubby

Dumb man here ..

Sorry! I wasnt including you !!!!!!

Just men like that.....

[cocobelle]

Re: My BF likes me chubby

I may be wrong, but I'm sensing some control issues here from your BF. Do you think that he doesn't want you to lose weight because you'll be more attractive to other guys? Maybe it's his self-esteem issues that are the focus here.

Have you given any thought to couples-counseling? It may sound silly, but your body - and his proposed revulsion by it - is a REALLY big part of your relationship.

I'm assuming that you are wanting a long-term relationship with this person (or else his opinion wouldn't matter as much). For it to be a long term relationship, you both have to agree on the big issues - things like children, where to live, whether to remain monogamous, your health/body type. It's the smaller things - haircuts, fashions, etc that can be negotiated.

Hoping has it right. You need to make sure that you remain your priority. The control issues that your boyfriend is displaying is a bit worrisome. I don't know the ins and outs of your relationship, but that kind of control can lead to abuse. Take care of yourself!

[Jaded]

Re: My BF likes me chubby

I would also think that this has a lot to do with your boyfriend feeling insecure about your weight loss. I would even bet he doesnt think those girls he points out are so hott, but thats why he likes them, so no other guy would be looking at his woman. Plus, what guy would "not want" to be intimate? I would take that as a threat. You should tell him you'll take care of your needs elsewhere then while youre living a long and healthy life. (Even if you dont want to break up with him, make him realize you are not completely dependent on him. I read an article on yahoo news today about "healthy jealousy"... sounds like he could use some...)
http://health.yahoo.com/experts/menl...-a-man-jealous

My boyfriend told me he loves me as I am but will support me losing weight b/c thats what I want to do. Though when I've shown him skimpy clothing/bathing suits and said "i cant wait until I can wear that" i've gotten the sideways look. But he still supports me. I'm sure every guy is somewhat threatened by a confident sexy gf, but don't let him threaten you, your happiness should be his happiness!

[FatTony]

Re: My BF likes me chubby

Sorry! I wasnt including you !!!!!!

Just men like that.....

And there was I thinking we're ALL the same

[CATBLUE]

Re: My BF likes me chubby

And there was I thinking we're ALL the same

LOL... no, not even!

[Duinai]

Re: My BF likes me chubby

I am sorry to remind AGAIN.... check her message.... she mentioned that she was living in homeless shelter.... met her BF at some AA meeting... and HE TOOK HER TO LIVE WITH HIM. So, this is NOT just some sexual control. This is a TOTAL control.. He is trying to make it all clear: If I took you the way you WERE, you have to be forever grateful and you HAVE TO do everything I demand to please me for WHAT I DID.

This is MUCH MORE DEEP then it seems. This is not just chubby-control issue.


Dui

[CATBLUE]

Re: My BF likes me chubby

what i get upset about is my BF thinks vanessa del rio is so hot. the porn star. he thinks she is beautiful...more beautiful than me! take a look at her! WHAT???

You are missing the point... What we're trying to tell you is that he's not good for you and there are some signs of a violent, controlling personality that some of us older and more mature women recognize..

I urge you to get out of this relationship. Find someplace to go and after you are gone phone him to tell him you are leaving. Do not do it in person and don't tell him where you are. PLEASE trust those of us that dealt with this type of person before.. You are not safe around him if he knows you are leaving.

Please, Please protect yourself. Don't worry about what he finds sexy.. That's not the issue. Him seeing you as his property is.

Please... I've dealt with a stalker who actually did prison time for things he did... You are not safe.. I can't be anymore blunt or straight forward. This relationship (as you have describe it) is not safe, it is not healthy, it is not in your best interest. Please don't be one of those women who say and think.. " Oh, I'm different, It won't happen to me"... Because they have a word for those women... it changes from woman to woman.. sometimes it's abused, sometimes it's crime victim but all too often it's corpse.

Please go back and read the posts from us older women and especially from the men... we are concerned for your welfare.

[Hope4me2]

Re: My BF likes me chubby

I agree with you Catblue. There are all sorts of red flags and alarms going off there.

Sounds like it's time for this smart gal to get her ducks in a row and learn to stand on her own two feet and not depend on anyone to rescue her. There is plenty of support out there. The first thing to do would be to contact her city or town's social services department and find out if they have programs for women in transition. That's a start.

You have to really work hard and dig deep sometimes to make it on your own, but in the end it's really worth it. I wish her all the luck in the world and hope she follows the wonderful advice from other women who've been there and who CARE.

[FatTony]

Re: My BF likes me chubby

He thinks she's hot because of what she does .. not who she is .. and the fact that he has constructed some fantasy based on what she does in movies for money shows was a loser he is .. we're NOT talking about real life here. Would Vanessa del Rio go for him .. er lemme guess .. that would be no then.
Lose the clown and the weight.
Sorry for being so pointed.

[Hayden]

Re: My BF likes me chubby

Hello cyberspacestar,

How would your BF react if you told him about, or showed him your post.

Not any of our replies, just what you've written below. If your BF read your words below, what would happen?

I am presently a size 10 in jeans and I met my BF at size 11. I used to be a size 4 when i did the Atkins years ago and went off the diet and became chubby again. I feel like I can't move or walk comfortably when I am chubby beacuse i am only 5'2, so i decided to do the Atkins program again. I'm on day 17 of the Atkins and had 1 cheat. i've lost some fat around my waist and legs, and I feel lighter and can move a little better. My thighs aren't rubbing together like they were, you know? I don't think i lost anymore than 7 pounds yet.

My BF looked at me yesterday and said that he won't be as attracted to me physically if i loose more weight. He said he won't want to be intamate with me... He likes chubby girls... But I feel more confident when the weight is off because I fit into clothes better and can move better. He wants me to put the weight back on and I haven't even finished loosing what I feel i need to loose to feel most comfortable with my body!!

Now I'm faced with what i want to look like versus what my BF wants in a woman. i don't want to loose weight and find that he's fantasizing and looking at chubby girls in the mall and wanting them more than me.

Has anyone faced this when a signifigant other wants you to remain chubby?
many thanks, cyberspacestar