Self diagnosed borderline personality disorder.

[SkaPaladin]

Okay, once again, after a long period of time, I'm back. Some stuff happened, and most of it was bad. At least, it seemed bad. But the more I thought about everything, I began to wonder if I had some sort of personality disorder.

After a little research, I've determined that I have BPD. I won't go into specifics, as that might be seen as needless attention whoring, and I do not wish to do that. And as this isn't technically depression, I didn't want to post in the depression + atkins board. (If this must be moved there, then so be it)

All I really want to know is, are there any vitamins, or minerals, that anyone here could suggest, that have mood stabilizing properties? I don't plan on going to any doctors any time soon, because I want to try to take care of my problems on my own, and with all the research I've already done determining whether or not I have the disorder, I just don't feel like looking anymore.

Oh yeah. And I'm starting the diet again tomorrow. I'm going to the store in a little while to buy some necessities. (I fell off the wagon. Again. This is like, the 15th time. Hence, needing a mood stabilizer of some sort)

I hope there is a suggestion or two within the next 15-20 minutes. Knowing my luck there won't be, but I'm sure this won't be the last time I go to the store. So if there is anything you know that could help, please do.

Oh, and don't tell me to go see a doctor. It's not gonna happen.

[Elsie150]

Re: Self diagnosed borderline personality disorder.

Good luck! I can only suggest, since you don't want to go to the doctor if only for information, that you continue your online research and maybe go to the health food store and talk to them there. They may be able to help you.

[Splandrea]

Re: Self diagnosed borderline personality disorder.

I can tell you that B vitamins have enough mood stabilizing properties in them to completely wipe out my PMS - and that is saying something. Of Course, I take bunches during that time of the month. B6 mainly, but all of the B vitamins are good for boosting your mood, or at least helping you not to go postal. Of course, I am not a doctor, this is just my experience =D
Good luck!

[theredhead]

Re: Self diagnosed borderline personality disorder.

My doc gave me 5HTP for my mild depression and it's been working well for about a year and a half. She had me start with one 50 mg pill in the a.m. and again in the evening. She said to see how I felt in four weeks and if needed, I could double the dose. I was pleasantly surprised that I didn't need to. I've felt a lot better. No more little black cloud following me around. I buy my 5HTP at WalMart. Hope this helps!

[sadie147]

Re: Self diagnosed borderline personality disorder.

My doc gave me 5HTP for my mild depression and it's been working well for about a year and a half. She had me start with one 50 mg pill in the a.m. and again in the evening. She said to see how I felt in four weeks and if needed, I could double the dose. I was pleasantly surprised that I didn't need to. I've felt a lot better. No more little black cloud following me around. I buy my 5HTP at WalMart. Hope this helps!

I too was going to suggest 5htp, I have taken it and found it really helped with SAD symptoms i was having in the winter...my biggest problem was if i took the recommended 100mgs twice daily i was far too tired, I found taking 100g's a day as mentioned about it was the best dosage for me..I'd suggest starting smaller and working your way up if you don't notice a difference.

Though..that said I really don't think that this is a disorder you should try to handle and treat yourself for..i realize you don't want to see a dr. but I think it's very important you do. My 2 cents.

[sallyseachange]

Re: Self diagnosed borderline personality disorder.

I can't answer your specific query about mood stabilizers, but I would just like to underline the power of positive thinking. I know this sounds old hat, but I was a real non believer and a born pessimist until not long ago.

Things happened to change my way of thinking though, and I now do daily relaxation and positive thinking exercises. They've really turned a lot of things around for me.

Like you, I used to say and think things like your: "Knowing my luck there won't be... (quick replies)".
Nowadays, I'd catch myself and turn the thought to a positive.
Believe me, this can change your whole outlook and, I'd go as far as to say, help with stabilising mood too.

All totally unscientific, I know... but it's how it happened for me. Just throwing out thoughts here.

Think kindly and think "sunnily"
Hugs

[ValidRouge]

Re: Self diagnosed borderline personality disorder.

The Atkins WOE actually stabilizes my mood SIGNIFICANTLY. If I cheat, or if I eat something as an ingredient in a restaurant that I normally wouldn't eat....I can absolutely tell it in my mood and thoughts. I can think some pretty bizarre things and my personality and moods can be very erratic when i eat CRAP. If I leave it all alone and just eat Atkins allowed foods (and also leave my trigger foods alone--even if they are technically legal) my moods and thoughts are normal and calm.

[QuestionsQuestions]

Re: Self diagnosed borderline personality disorder.

Hi. I'm curious how you went about diagnosing BPD for yourself. Did you use a particular checklist?

I'm a psychologist and I've worked with a lot of women with BPD diagnoses, and I find that the diagnosis is not really all that helpful. What's usually underlying the "disorder" is a pretty severe trauma/abuse history, and unless that history is looked at, the symptoms aren't likely to dissipate.

Here's why the label "BPD" isn't helpful or useful:

1) It's kind of a "garbage can" category. If a woman has problems that are difficult to deal with, just call her a borderline.

2) The BPD diagnosis tends to obscure the more critical trauma history that needs addressing. BPD and PTSD have lots of overlapping features. But whereas men are likely to get a PTSD diagnosis (i.e. something that is the result of a traumatic event), women get a BPD diagnosis (i.e. something that is inherently wrong with the person, it's a defect).

3) It's a diagnosis that was created by a group of "straight white men". As such, it doesn't take into consideration or honor women's or other minorities' needs or voices.

4) When the new Diagnostic and Statistical Manual for psychological disorders comes out, the areas of greatest change are going to be in PTSD and personality disorders, because these diagnoses, as they are, are simply not helpful to clinicians in devising treatment plans. All a BPD diagnosis does is label a person as "inherently defective". It doesn't actually clarify anything or really point to a course of treatment.

I'm not sure if this will help you or not, but it is important for you to know this before you accept a BPD label for yourself.

In terms of seeing a doctor, it isn't necessary, but if you have symptoms consistent with "BPD", you are probably in a lot of pain (particularly in the context of relationships), and it might be helpful to sort some of the stuff out.

Take care...

[SunnySmile501]

Re: Self diagnosed borderline personality disorder.

QuestionsQuestions--my thoughts exactly. BPD is very hard to diagnose and even harder to treat. I had a friend with that diagnosis on the psych ward of a big teaching hospital and it was the flavor of the month. Almost without fail, everyone admitted had that diagnosis for a long while. Before she was discharged, they came around and said, "Opps, you are not after all BPD."

To the OP--I wish you well. Take care of and be kind to yourself. The proper foods (whole foods/low to no processed foods) and supplementation with vitamins, along with enough sleep and exercise can go a long way towards smoothing emotions and feelings.

Sunny!

[SkaPaladin]

Re: Self diagnosed borderline personality disorder.

I don't remember exactly where I was reading up on it, but it wasn't really a checklist. You can never take those things too seriously. But, I had been tinkering with the idea before, thinking I had it, but I didn't really give it too much, you know?

Anyways, I was cutting my hair this past saturday (I had a legitimate reason) and someone made a throwaway comment about how it's an early sign of insanity. That got me thinking, so when I got back home, I looked it up, and found some big text file about it, and I noticed that I had a lot of what was described. (Some would just say it's human nature, but I think at a certain point, it has to be something more)

Anyways, some of the things I remember reading about was obsessive ruminating, emotional intensity, fear of abandonment and self destructive behavior.

I guess I can go into a little more detail about them.

As for the obsessive thinking and constant pondering, I used to just tell everyone I was analytical. Which I am. I can normally tell how someone is going to react to certain behavior, comments, or whatnot. Oftentimes, I can tell what someone is going to be like when I first meet them. It's not really a vibe, just the way they carry themselves, and how they talk. Recently, I met a friend of a friend, and I didn't like him immediately. I then told my friend, and I told her why I didn't like him, and it turns out I called him out exactly. Later on that evening, we ran into him again, and we invited him out, only for him to throw a comment at our backs once he thought we were out of hearing range.

Emotional intensity. Occasionally, I like a girl, and from then on, the friendship is ruined. I'll blame myself for this one, because I know it's my fault, but whenever it happens, I try to skew the situation into my favor, using tactics that I know, but then I come to my senses and realize it's wrong, because if I really cared about her, I wouldn't be doing that to her. So I back off. The constant mixed signals tends to send her away confused, and I normally paint myself into a corner. Once I get out, it's always too late, but I can never get them out of my head, and no matter what I do, the situation will never work out in my favor. I've ruined things, and there is no repairing them. So I tend to throw the friendship out of sight, until I can take her off the pedestal I placed her on, only to lose out on the friendship from lack of communication. I've lost a few really close female friends to this, and I'm in the middle of doing it right now.

Fear of abandonment. Of course, who isn't afraid of being abandon. But, it's different for me, I think. I will be having a great time with my friends, and something will set me off. Sometimes, it's not even a big deal, but to me it is, and I normally try to keep it to myself. Sometimes my friends will notice it, and they try their best to pretend not to notice. I think they think it'll help me get past it. But oftentimes, I'll just run away from the situation, because I know it is making them uncomfortable, and ruining their night out. And in doing so, I want someone to talk to, someone to ask me whats wrong, because I want someone to acknowledge that something happened, and they never do. I think they see it as attention whoring, and I guess in a way it is, but whenever they have a problem, I always ask them what it is, and I help them in any way I can. Oftentimes, I can have it solved by nights end. I just wish someone could do that for me, but I'm afraid I'm the only one that can. Problem is, I never listen to my own advice, because I am constantly second guessing myself.

Self-destructive behavior. I used to be a cutter. It's been 2 years since I have cut myself intentionally. Of that I am proud. However, I have moved on to demeaning myself. I will call myself worthless, tell myself I'm going to end up alone, I'm fat, I'm ugly, all sorts of things. It usually depends on what set me off at the time. But normally, a good nights sleep will set things right with me, only to have it start all over again. In addition to the self destructive behavior, I will often times do stupid things, just because they are fun. Often times it's over eating, and the guilt forces me to work out even harder. Then, something will set me off, I'll start feeling worthless, and I just don't care. Then, I'll go get some fast food as a quick fix. Only to feel guilty about it immediately afterwards. I've been able to keep away from throwing it back up, though. I'll also go out and buy things I don't need, with money I don't have, because I love to shop. And as a guy, I think that would be considered weird as is.

Part of me thinks that if I wasn't a virgin, and mostly straight edge, I'd probably troll the bars and sexing up every woman that would let me, and snort cocaine off her body.

I also think this has a lot to do with why I'm still a virgin, come to think of it. I'll fall for a girl, and I will do everything for her, only to find out that she doesn't like me "in that way". So, I went out and learned everything I needed to, to become the guy that she really wants. (Because everything a woman claims to want, isn't what she really wants. You would like to believe she's telling the truth, but she isn't telling the whole truth) And, whenever a girl is interested in me, I'm normally not interested in her, because I hardly know her. I have to at least have her as a friend first, and we have to have a lot in common. I want to spend time with her, and usually these 'other' girls just want flings. They'll throw themselves at me, and once they do, I lose all interest, because it seems like they can't respect themselves. I never call them again.

One more thing. Earlier today, I had like, a mini breakdown. I was talking to someone, and something set me off, and my eyes welled up, and as I was on the verge of bawwing, it stopped. I lost every urge to cry, and went about the conversation as I was. I thought that was special.

The thing I don't understand, though, is, from what I read, that most with BPD have a tendency to stem from child abuse, or neglect. I may have suffered from a little neglect when I was younger, but who hasn't?

I went to see a counselor today. Turns out, he wasn't really all that much help. He gave me a list of counselors to call, but he didn't even call me out on some things that should have been obvious to him. I honestly think he didn't care. He probably already had it set in his mind what my problem was. I really want to hit him in the face, but I'll hold back, like I always do. The last thing I want is for anyone else to suffer because I don't know how to control my emotions.

[stephbob]

Re: Self diagnosed borderline personality disorder.

Wow, what you just wrote could have been about me. That scares me.

I went to the doctor a year ago about it, he said i was suffering from anxiety, and he put me on these awful anti-depressants and sent me to a counselor for 6 months, who did nothing to help me, but gave me a "written test" (check box list) and scored me with suicidal depression. I know something is wrong, but yeah, I am not suicidal by any means. He refused to listen and my doctor said he was right, so basically I'm not getting any help.

My boyfriend spoke to his dr because he was so worried about me, and his dr said it sounds like I'm bipolar, but of course he'd need to see me, but my boyfriend is thousands of miles away from me at the moment, so I wont get to see his dr until later in the summer.

I guess issues like this are so hard to differentiate and diagnose, and certain things can be overlooked.

Keep us updated, I would be interested to hear how things are going with you!

[QuestionsQuestions]

Re: Self diagnosed borderline personality disorder.

Hi. I gather from your post that you are male? The thing is that BPD is rarely given to guys. The diagnosis was designed as kind of the female version of PTSD (since the PTSD diagnosis was mostly derived from observing guys with combat trauma). See, diagnoses are constructs created by people just like you and me, so they are not the last word.

Psychologists are hesitant in applying a BPD diagnosis, and with right! It is a very stigmatizing label, and one that isn't easy to shed once things are going OK for the patient.

The thing about abuse or neglect is that different people react differently to it. What you experienced may have been enough for you to establish a kind of interpersonal "neediness" that people often associate with BPD.

You describe cutting. Self-harm or "parasuicidal" behaviors can happen in the context of many many different diagnoses, not just BPD. Once you realize how these diagnostic categories are devised, how arbitrarily the are often grouped together, you'll see that many of them are really useless.

Of course, things like depression, bipolar disorder, ADHD, psychoses, have a scientific undergirding and clearer treatment protocols (these are called Axis One disorders), but the Axis 2 personality disorders are mostly arbitrary and don't really say much about the individual's needs or difficulties. This is why I, as a clinician, will avoid applying a personality disorder diagnosis to a person. It does a lot more damage than good.

The counselor you went to see (at school?) doesn't seem to have heard you. Don't give up. There are really caring and professional people out there. I, myself, work at a college counseling center and have helped a lot of young people overcome self-destructive thoughts and behaviors.

Good luck to you...

[SkaPaladin]

Re: Self diagnosed borderline personality disorder.

Yes, male.

I understand that BPD is rarely diagnosed to guys. But, there seem to be a lot of similarities. I won't say for sure that I have it, because I might just be overreacting, but hey, why not, right?

I've been able to keep things locked up tight inside of myself, so other people don't worry, and that actually kinda makes me wonder... Do I have it under control? Or is it possible that I am so concerned with what other people think, that I'm going to hide it as much as possible? Would that mean that I have a really bad case, since I give so much thought to everything that I force myself to hide my problems?

I'd like to think so. I felt kind of relieved when I had BPD to blame my problems on. Now, I'm starting to wonder if I'm just looking for something to blame.

[Dimple_Flirt]

Re: Self diagnosed borderline personality disorder.

You guys sound more like you suffer from co-dependancy type behaviors.I've been reading alot about this over the summer.Eating a high protein , low carb diet helps me with my moods and I also came across a book that recommended iron(if low),B-12( I take B-12,B-6 and a complete B) not all at the same time of day,nician, Complete Vitamin, and Vit D, cQ-10. I told my physc that I felt better taking a lot of vitamins and eating the low carb diet but she told me I just felt more positive about the weightloss and that is why my mood improved,but as many of us do I fell of the wagon and started to eat junk and the mood swings increased as with the Boo-Hoo spells. Also exercise is VERY important for controlling the extra anxiety.The past two months I've been doing the cardio about 30 min a day and I feel great. I feel 100% better eating right and taking vitamins rather than being drugged up on Sertraline suffering from stomach pains and headaches not to mention being tired all the time. ALSO stay away from CAFFINE and simple carbs ,ESP SUGAR these will increase your mood swings and anxiety.

[Dimple_Flirt]

Re: Self diagnosed borderline personality disorder.

Conquering Codependency - Loving Without Leaning - Meditation
Codependency
Codependency recovery, inner child healing, Joyous Spirituality - Joy to You & Me