Spilling my Gut out...

[goin2befit]

I just don't know what to say to myself or anyone at this point. I feel like such a loser and not in a good way. I mean here I am with such a good life, a stay at home mom (so it seems I should have plenty of time on my hands), two beautiful daughters, loving and supportive husband... and to this family portrait add ... ME

Me who is 384 pounds... scale up again and I know it isn't just lying to me. I haven't stuck with the plan and can't find the will power, decision mechanisms to make the write decision even without the will power... I mean hello I have 2 dozen of eggs and chose to eat a bowl of fruit loops. And of course as you all know and I know that just sends me on an eatting binge that seems to take days to end. Even if I put beside the "emotional damage" that I keep doing... It is not logical. I mean what the **LL is wrong with me???

I've made 1000's of list of why I want to loose weight, schedules of the right things to eat, mentally viewing myself eating this way for life, picturing myself healthier, thinner, and active, I have mad positive thoughts in my mind... All to just eat everything I shouldn't. I'm beginning to think that their is 2 people living in my body!!!!!

I've tried to think of things from my past that are stopping me... I have 100% faith in my ability to loose weight. I know I can and I know this plan works, but I'm just so tired of trying with the same results to loose 10 pounds and gain back 7, loose 10 pounds and gain back 5, I have done this for over a year and lost a total of 33 pounds, but I have lost the same 50 pounds 10 times!!!!!

I know if I stick with the plan it works, but it is the sticking to part that I'm stopped on. I even bought a "diet" book on cognitive thinking just to try to sort out why I keep sabotaging myself and as of now, still to no avail. I just don't know how much longer I can go on like this.

ANY one... ??? ....

[Zarabelle]

Re: Spilling my Gut out...

OK, understand that carbs are an addictive substance.... I could never understand the self-sabatage before but I now know that I crave those carbs like a drug until I am in ketosis and then if I have one taste, I am down the slippery slope. This is NOT YOUR FAULT. You can't help it! Just stay away and you will become stronger. Think of carbs as an evil monster.... You can do it xxx

[Lexley]

Re: Spilling my Gut out...

Hey I'm a stay at home mother too! I know what you mean..I should have plenty of time to devote to losing weight right? I won't lie and say I'm the same as you, you have a tougher battle than I do. BUT I do understand how depressing it can be and how stifling and lonely it can get being at home all the time. Sometimes I just self medicate with food. The thing the previous poster said is true. It's so very hard to kick carbs and to stay on plan at first... especially if you are in a situation like me where the rest of the family isn't on a diet. The snacks and treats are just sitting there in the kitchen practically begging you to eat them. But trust me (and its amazing that I can say this and be 100% honest about it) the cravings DO stop! They do! It's rough the first few days but once you get into ketosis and your body adjusts its so much easier!

If you want to talk or something just PM me I've got plenty of time!

[Zarabelle]

Re: Spilling my Gut out...

Oh, and by the way, I am a stay at home mum too with two daughters

[Lexley]

Re: Spilling my Gut out...

Stay at home mommies rock! hehe

[Peej]

Re: Spilling my Gut out...

I'm not a mom, but I certainly feel for you. All I can say is to stick with it and it gets easier. Try to remember the big picture. 10 pounds lost and 7 gained is still down 3 pounds! Its hard, but the longer you stick with it without cheating, the easier it gets.

I know the willpower to stick with it is in there. You have confidence in your ability to lose weight. If you can cheat and still get back on the wagon, you are likely stronger than you think! Keep trying. I know it is hard but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. We know this works.

I am not in the same situation as you are, but maybe you could find something productive to do to distract you from your cravings. I know when I'm having a craving, generally I go do something else and by the time I'm done, it is more manageable. Maybe make those snacks harder for you to get at. Put them on a high shelf or in the back of a pantry. Just having it more difficult to get at can sometimes make it a little easier to resist.

I hope you do find a way to stick to it and reach your goals. We all deserve it.

[liv]

Re: Spilling my Gut out...

How about throwing it all out - the carby stuff. I know the family may mind but perhaps if you explain that you need this temporary reprieve and for a while there is only going to be Atkins food in the house.
I think you will make it. Just keep on trying.

[chinadoll]

Re: Spilling my Gut out...

Yep, if you have a hard time sticking then have a meeting with the husband and family. If they are as supportive as you say, they will understand why you just can't have this stuff around right now.

Having said that, I know for myself that I had to hit bottom before really getting serious about making change. I also had to believe I was worthy of making change and focusing just on MY NEEDS for awhile. That meant making the family adjust to my food needs and making exercise non negotiable. If that meant no volunteering at school or committing to social obligations so be it. But I got off the first fifty that way.

For me the toughest part has always been the mental battle. Getting your head into this enough to be serious about it. You need to restructure your thinking and become aware of why you eat. Stress? Depression? Comfort? Then sit down and decide what you will do to comfort or reward or sooth yourself in those situations in a way that does not involve food. The more aware you are the better your chances of not blowing it.

I don't know if this is the case for you but this has been true for me. I started at 300 so I am no small flower. I lost the drive after the first 60 but have kept almost all of it off for three years and am now in the second round of my push to goal and I have the fire and commitment back again. I can't say why I have it now and didn't two years ago but for whatever reason its back and I am glad. Sorry, I am rambling but hope something will ring true for you.

[Kathi22]

Re: Spilling my Gut out...

I hear you , and understand too. What many people do with Atkins, myself quilty here, is not realize that the fruit loops or other carby, sugary foods are BAD food. Instead, we see it as illegal for our diet. They are fun, tasty, comforting, and the reason we are so overweight. It is pure mental dedication to do this WOE. Once you are in ketosis and focused, you won't even consider those foods an option, you won't even think about them or miss me. For me, I feel so much better without them that I keep telling myself each time I reach for that icecream or bag of chips that I hate how they make me feel after I eat them. I also got rid of all those foods and my husband was just fine with it.

[rebeccarules2002]

Re: Spilling my Gut out...

(I have stronge cravings for sweets but only when I see them thats why I hide all the junk in the cubboard and forget about it If my husband wants it he can get it if the kids want it they can get it i try to advoid that cubboard altogether. when I fill like I want a snack I go straight to the pork rinds. im an emotional eater so I do stock up on those pork rinds since they are carb free and sugar free. i also will boil up some eggs and leave them in the frig so in the morning when i get up I can eat one that way theres no reason for me to go for the easiest option which is a bowl of cereal. well hun I hope you find your will power and you will i just know it. Another great tip I got off of a friend is drink water before and after each meal. good luck.

[neslundcori]

Re: Spilling my Gut out...

OK, understand that carbs are an addictive substance.... I could never understand the self-sabatage before but I now know that I crave those carbs like a drug until I am in ketosis and then if I have one taste, I am down the slippery slope. This is NOT YOUR FAULT. You can't help it! Just stay away and you will become stronger. Think of carbs as an evil monster.... You can do it xxx

***WARNING: I’m trying to help NOT trying to be nice. Read at your own risk.***




Ok, so I know how hard it is to lose weight. And I know that it's hard to put down a brownie and pick up a pickle. BUT, unfortunately this IS your fault.

It's your decision to eat the bad stuff and not eat the good stuff. This doesn't mean I don't feel for you because we all understand how hard it is to stick to a diet where you don't particularly want to eat the food.

But you're the one who is hurting not only yourself but your family too probably. Your weight probably (I don't know your medical history) has a HUGE impact on your health. And you have to take responsibility. If you believe that this is all not your fault and you had nothing to do with it then you can’t get over your food addiction and stay on the path that will ultimately make you happy.

Those fruit loops fulfill a “Now” need not a “Future” need. You’re only going for short term pleasure.

Don't you want to be around to see your kids grow up? Go to college?

At your weight your life span just gets shorter, and you're jipping yourself AND your family out of precious years with you.

Take a firm stand. Throw out all the bad foods, tell your family to adjust, there is still good foods to eat just not the terrible Fruit Loops and Pop Tarts.

Chances are that by changing your households view on food you'll save your kids from becoming fat too.

And honestly, what could be better than that?

[imagood1]

Re: Spilling my Gut out...

For years I've had every excuse to eat all the junk I've put into my body....a bad day, someone upset me, husband didn't understand, friend wasn't talking to me, whatever. The end of last year I finally decided the excuses had to stop - I stay home and take care of an ailing mother and have a husband with serious heart problems....am I stressed YES, do I still want to eat junk SOMETIMES, do I give in and allow myself to NO.

I fix dinner for mom & the hubs everynight - they don't eat the same thing I do because they don't think they need to so I make one meal for them and one for me. My mother eats ice cream and cake in front of me - I do not cave - I find something legal I can eat. I guess what I'm saying is I finally got the willpower to make this work for me and I'm not letting anyone get in my way.

I wish you well on your journey

[msanjelpie]

Re: Spilling my Gut out...

Have you ever tried anti-depressants? Seeing a psychiatrist? Seeing a psychologist?

Somestimes we just can't cope with eating disorders on our own...

Your cheat was triggered by seeing a number on the scale... have you tried only weighing once a month?

In 2004 I lost 101 lbs doing Atkins. Then over the next 5 years due to a myriad of excuses and the usual eating disorder thinking, I gained 135 lbs. Now I get to lose it all over again... Except now I'm older and it seems to be going a lot slower...

I'm a stay at home with 3 boys too, and I take care of Mom who has Alzheimer's. The boys are understanding about why we don't have any junk food in the house... Mom not so much

It sounds to me like you need help... I hope you can find some

[momonmission99*]

Re: Spilling my Gut out...

I've been meaning to respond to this... I just had to find the time.

I know how you feel! It's hard and I think that sometimes it takes a big handful of failures to get to your success. At least that's the way it was for me.

I was always skinny. Even after having children, within a couple weeks I Was back in my jeans and never skipped a beat. I always had a fast metabolism and ate what I wanted. I was also very active and had lots of energy. I never ever thought I would be fat.

That all changed a few years ago. I stopped being active, even started working online. Then I started to make more money, worked online longer and continued this process to make more money. I kept the same eating habits while sitting on my butt.
I gained more weight, started to become depressed. I got depressed and it grew worse as I got bigger. As I got bigger and more depressed I started staying in my house. Before I knew it, I was at my all time high. 225 pounds at 5'8. In a matter of 3 years I had managed to put on 60 pounds. It was just a vicious cycle. Thank God my metabolism was so good because I could have put on 30 pounds a year instead of 15 or so.

Every year I tried a new diet...body for life, biggest loser, 800 calories, low fat and so on. I tried all the pills. Relacore, Alli, slim quick and so on. I never lost more than 10 pounds and always failed quickly. Even trying atkins over and over and over I would quit after 5 days max. I would just say screw it and go to the store, buy my favorite foods and sit at my computer to work.

I don't know what it is that pushes you to the point where you don't give up.
I'm almost at 4 weeks into this. I've never lasted that long on any "diet/change of eating". I've never been able to change my life until now. I wish I had the magic answer for you. I can just tell you that one day you'll know when it's time.
And when it's time, you will try harder and you will do better.

There are so many women here who are like you or were like you. Look how many there are that have succeeded! That means you can do it too.

Next time you want to shove a handful of cheetos in your mouth, or crack open a pepsi (I am slowly starting to not miss that lol) just think about how it makes you feel afterwards. The guilt is insane and you always end up thinking "that wasn't even worth it!". It seems so good but when you're done, it's never even half as good as you imagined it would feel. You actually feel like crap! You need to remind yourself of that daily!

I hope you can reach deep down and pull out whatever it is you need to keep going. You're worth it and so are your children!

[Chera]

Re: Spilling my Gut out...

I immediately found "THE PROBLEM" as soon as I finished the first paragraph............

The list of wonderful things in your LIFE included EVERYONE else 1st and THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON LAST!................. YOU!!!!


You can be SO much more to everyone and everything on your list when YOU put YOU FIRST!

IT IS NEVER TOO LATE TO LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER!

YOU!, YES YOU!!!! ARE the MOST important person IN YOUR LIFE....

BE GOOD TO YOURSELF...... so you can be BETTER to your children, your husband and your LIFE....

LEARN TO LOVE YOU! and the rest will come!.... Just like you tell your husband and your children.... you LOVE them!

Tell yourself.... "I LOVE YOU" cause you ARE SO worth it!

Have a GREAT NIGHT!