Sister = Trigger

[Simona]

My sister and her husband were over for Easter lunch yesterday and I realized that her BS triggers me to eat. I ate a lot of carb heavy comfort food yesterday when she was there - thankfully it was in small portions. Thank goodness they left early!

I'm canceling my birthday lunch with her next week - I didnt want to go through that again....at least not while still in Induction.

I dont know if I should be honest about it or not. I havent told her I want to opt out of lunch. I dont know what to tell her that 1. wont her her feelings, and 2. wont have her criticize me about what Im now eating.

[imagood1]

Re: Sister = Trigger

Just tell her you have something that has come up and you need to bow out of your lunch. If she presses you on what the "something" is just tell her you are focusing on your health right now.

My sister-in-law and my mother are my triggers....luckily my sister-in-law isn't around much but my mother lives with us. I have had to learn to deal with her snide remarks -- just heard one this morning while I was eating my breakfast....I don't allow her to get to me the way I use to. Her words still sting a little but I don't allow myself to boil over any longer.

Good luck -- hope you didn't go over too much yesterday while she was there. This is the best place you can be for support.

[SunnySmile501]

Re: Sister = Trigger

Since you will want to have your sister in your life, you will need to find a different way to react to her and her comments. Since you are the only person over which you have complete control, it is up to you to learn new methods to deal with your lack of control over your sister's behavior.

It probably would be better if this is postponed until after induction, when you have a handle on this way of eating. When you are more sure of yourself, have a sit down chat with her with no placing blame on what causes you to eat crap. Go into the conversation realizing that you are the only person that has control over what you put in your mouth. Set some boundaries as to what is your business and not hers. Be kind. Tell her that what you eat or don't eat is totally inside your private boundaries and you must be in total control of what diet you think is best for you. This might not be easy because the pattern was probably set way back when you two were kids. It is doable to grow more mature together and still love each other.

When you take back total responsibility for what you eat, you can never use your sister's behavior as an "excuse" to eat carb crap. That's what it is--an excuse to do what you wanted to do in the first place. Then you can feel less guilty because "sister made me do it." Unless she held you down and forced carbs down your throat, then it was fully your choice to comfort yourself with carby foods.

[Simona]

Re: Sister = Trigger

When you take back total responsibility for what you eat, you can never use your sister's behavior as an "excuse" to eat carb crap. That's what it is--an excuse to do what you wanted to do in the first place. Then you can feel less guilty because "sister made me do it." Unless she held you down and forced carbs down your throat, then it was fully your choice to comfort yourself with carby foods.

I agree 100% - this was totally all up to me. I have no thoughts of "my sister made me do it" - it was me who ate the pasta and cake, not her shoving it down my throat. I dont feel guilty about it so much as I feel angry with myself for doing it and not really knowing how to deal with her without the food. It's something I'll have to learn since I do see her every other weekend.

I think the first good step was realizing she is a trigger for me. The 2nd step will be trying to figure out how to deal with that. Ive used food as a comfort for over 30 years and I know this will be a challenge for me.

[SunnySmile501]

Re: Sister = Trigger

I agree 100% - this was totally all up to me. I have no thoughts of "my sister made me do it" - it was me who ate the pasta and cake, not her shoving it down my throat. I dont feel guilty about it so much as I feel angry with myself for doing it and not really knowing how to deal with her without the food. It's something I'll have to learn since I do see her every other weekend.

I think the first good step was realizing she is a trigger for me. The 2nd step will be trying to figure out how to deal with that. Ive used food as a comfort for over 30 years and I know this will be a challenge for me.

You sound like you are well on your way to finding the best solution. You have identified the problem. You take responsibility for your own actions. It's over, so stop being angry with yourself. It's done and you have learned from the experience. You are in a position now to re-learn and change how you react to triggers.

It will take some work and it won't happen overnight, but you know now what you need to do. You are learning a whole new way of living and you will be feeling your way for a long time. This won't be the last time you trip and fall, but you get right back up, dust yourself off and move forward. Don't get bogged down over what is in the past and what you can't change. Use each choice that was a mistake to figure out how to handle the same situation in the future.

You are not alone. We've all been there. Our triggers are different, but how we handle them is the same. We are all a work in progress.