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'Twas the night before CarbFest and throughout my abode
I was grazing through sugar and starch - any mode!
No veggies were stowed in my Viking with care;
no sense that my idiocy would soon disappear.
No proteins were marinating, ready to grill;
just visions of cookies makin' ol' Shrew quite shrill.
Mr. Shrew in his boxers and I, craving crap,
tried to sleep 'fore our babes woke us up in a snap.
When out in the kitchen, there arose such a din,
I wondered if crackheads had just broken in.
Stumbling through the hall, I tripped on my sash,
crashed into the tree - hit the floor with a crash!
Birds circling my head, I tried to make out
what joker was tossing my cookies all out!
Vision cleared, I found (and my head I did scratch) -
the author of DANDR (2002, natch)...
The good doctor himself! In my house, so sedate,
de-carbing my kitchen for my health and my weight!
With a wink and a nod, he acknowledged my bane
and banished those carbs that created my gain:
"Out candy! Out flour! Out syrup and soda!
Out pizza! Out pasta! Shrew has a new coda!
"She'll not end her days being frumpy and fat,
but frisky and feisty and as spry as a cat!"
Not another word spoken, Dr. A pumped his fist,
began filling my kitchen with food (Induction List):
Spinach and broccoli, tomatoes and butter;
fresh seafood and eggs that made my heart flutter!
Avocados and lemons took their rightful place,
among kale and kohlrabi, and sage, thyme and mace.
Good eating abounded where before was mere rut;
a feast for the eyes, nose and mouth - not the gut!
Work complete, Dr. A then dissolved into light,
Bidding me to be cheerful - and eat with delight!
M E R R Y
C H R I S T M A S!
I was grazing through sugar and starch - any mode!
No veggies were stowed in my Viking with care;
no sense that my idiocy would soon disappear.
No proteins were marinating, ready to grill;
just visions of cookies makin' ol' Shrew quite shrill.
Mr. Shrew in his boxers and I, craving crap,
tried to sleep 'fore our babes woke us up in a snap.
When out in the kitchen, there arose such a din,
I wondered if crackheads had just broken in.
Stumbling through the hall, I tripped on my sash,
crashed into the tree - hit the floor with a crash!
Birds circling my head, I tried to make out
what joker was tossing my cookies all out!
Vision cleared, I found (and my head I did scratch) -
the author of DANDR (2002, natch)...
The good doctor himself! In my house, so sedate,
de-carbing my kitchen for my health and my weight!
With a wink and a nod, he acknowledged my bane
and banished those carbs that created my gain:
"Out candy! Out flour! Out syrup and soda!
Out pizza! Out pasta! Shrew has a new coda!
"She'll not end her days being frumpy and fat,
but frisky and feisty and as spry as a cat!"
Not another word spoken, Dr. A pumped his fist,
began filling my kitchen with food (Induction List):
Spinach and broccoli, tomatoes and butter;
fresh seafood and eggs that made my heart flutter!
Avocados and lemons took their rightful place,
among kale and kohlrabi, and sage, thyme and mace.
Good eating abounded where before was mere rut;
a feast for the eyes, nose and mouth - not the gut!
Work complete, Dr. A then dissolved into light,
Bidding me to be cheerful - and eat with delight!
M E R R Y
C H R I S T M A S!
Thank you!
OUTSTANDING
)
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