does your family try to get you to cheat?

[adreliluc]

Re: does your family try to get you to cheat?

A good New Year's resolution ... treat people how you want to be treated!

<smile>

LOL yes absolutely... look at me now.. maybe karma really is a b*tch!

[Shrew2u]

Re: does your family try to get you to cheat?

Our family is supportive, primarily because of the number of diet-mindful diabetics in the family. Even if the diabetics weren't mindful of their carbs, we're an accommodating bunch, so the host of any gathering makes sure a variety of choices are available: low fat, low carb, some vegetarian, etc.

That said, I would caution falling into a habit of perceiving offers of off-plan food negatively; context is key. Example: this morning, Mr. Shrew stopped by McDonald's while running an errand, and rang me up to see if I wanted a McMuffin or whatever. I declined, then made myself a tasty, healthy omelette. Was hubby trying to sabotage me? Of course not; he was extending a courtesy as my loving and attentive spouse. I acknowledged the courtesy, declined the offer, and life went on just fine.

So, how do we consider off-plan offers in their appropriate context?

First and foremost, each of us retains 100% of the control, 100% of the responsibility and 100% of the accountability for our eating habits. The moment we assign a greater value or importance to the actions of others than our own actions, we cripple our ability to establish and maintain this lifelong change in our habits.

Second, humans are creatures of habit and social conformity, disinclined to depart from established patterns except in the face of dire necessity. As a species, this is a survival mechanism. As individuals, we will illogically cling to familiar misery simply because it is familiar.

After years or decades of following certain eating habits, our personal departure from that pattern in no way guarantees that others will immediately or happily change their own behaviors/habits/pattern to complement our changes. The obliviousness, reluctance or outright resistance others show in response to our change is both normal and predictable.

As the change agent, the impetus is upon us to make it comfortable for others to adapt their behavior to accommodate our change. Otherwise, we need to accept that the actions of others may conflict with our needs and desires, without assigning malicious intent to their actions. Summerdressgirl provided an excellent example of this in her post. Suggesting to her father an alternative to empanadas, while acknowledging her father's efforts to express his love for her through food, was an absolute masterstroke of achieving her own goals while making it comfortable for him to adapt.

[Yes, I know a contributing factor to obesity is the investment of emotion in food, to the extent that the rejection of a food item may be perceived as a rejection of the person who made/offered the food. Fortunately, our big brains allow us to appreciate and practice nuance, finesse and tact when dealing with people whom a) we like/love and b) mean us no harm. But I digress.]

Is it always possible to achieve that balance? No - if the social dynamic is dysfunctional, no amount of finesse will change that dynamic. This is the situation English-bulldog is in - and to be frank, English-bulldog is more participant in the dysfunctional dynamic than victim. Let's break it down bit by bit:

my dad made me some kind of meat last night, he put flour in it, then told me he added nothing but seasons/salt.

The certainty that the father's act is one of active sabotage (rather than benign obliviousness) leads me to question why English-bulldog placed such a high level of dietary control with Dad from the outset. There is history here, and it's not a loving and mutually-supportive one.

my younger older brother is alway calling me names and stuff, tried to get me to eat mcdonalds fries/nuggets the other day, I told him "no thanks, I am really trying to stick with this, and I don't want to mess up, just support me!"(in a firm voice because I have to say this every day to him), then he blew up on me and called me all sorts of names and told me I was wasting my time, I'de never loose a pound, I will alway be fat. (we work together I can't really get away from his negativity, we go through this about every day. it keeps me motivated in a weird way.)

As an adult, English-bulldog has myriad options when it comes to living situation, employment, frequency and manner of familial contact, etc. Yet the choice that is being made, day after day after day, is to participate and emotionally invest in this thoroughly-unhealthy social dynamic. *That* is what needs to be addressed, since that social dynamic exists independent of food.

Unless and until the dysfunctional social dynamic is addressed, Atkinsgal08 provided the magic words for any and all situations wherein off-plan food is offered: No, thank you.

[khalamity]

Re: does your family try to get you to cheat?

My boyfriend says "I hate your stupid diet"! I don't know how to get him to accept it.

[tweedledee]

Re: does your family try to get you to cheat?

Mine does, my dad made me some kind of meat last night, he put flour in it, then told me he added nothing but seasons/salt.

my younger older brother is alway calling me names and stuff, tried to get me to eat mcdonalds fries/nuggets the other day, I told him "no thanks, I am really trying to stick with this, and I don't want to mess up, just support me!"(in a firm voice because I have to say this every day to him), then he blew up on me and called me all sorts of names and told me I was wasting my time, I'de never loose a pound, I will alway be fat. (we work together I can't really get away from his negativity, we go through this about every day. it keeps me motivated in a weird way.)

my other brother tells me, oh, I am sure you can have a cheat day.
stuff like that.

My mother is very supportive.

kinda funny that way is works.

both my dad and my younger older brother are super lean with 8pack abs, I got my moms genetics.

why would they do that? kudos to you for staying strong

[adreliluc]

Re: does your family try to get you to cheat?

My boyfriend says "I hate your stupid diet"! I don't know how to get him to accept it.

I know, my hubby hasn't come out and said it but he acts put off sometimes... like it's a pain in the butt to deal w/ me being so picky.

When I told my kids I was going back to low-carb my 8 year old actually started crying and said 'now we'll never get to eat anything good again'... I gently reminded him that he eats the same whether I'm low-carb or not. Then he smiled and was ok... lol (kids! *rolling eyes*)

[atkinsgal08]

Re: does your family try to get you to cheat?

>>My boyfriend says "I hate your stupid diet"! I don't know how to get him to accept it.>>

It's not really up to him to "accept" or "reject" your way of eating.

That's your choice.

[adreliluc]

Re: does your family try to get you to cheat?

>>My boyfriend says "I hate your stupid diet"! I don't know how to get him to accept it.>>

It's not really up to him to "accept" or "reject" your way of eating.

That's your choice.

Totally ones choice for sure.. but after awhile the lack of support and ecouragment can get tiring..
But in the end - if you really want it you'll learn to ignore it and do your thang.