I lost another relative. My uncle died this week. My daughter started her stuff again, my other daughter is moving, I have been sick. I am at odds with my hubby and my brother has decided not to have anymore chemo or radiation. I did beg him last night to not make any decisions until after the funeral of his namesake.

But you know what I have not strayed, I did forget and put one macaroni noodle in my mouth but that was it. I managed to catch myself just as I swallowed. Then I remembered I was on a different eating plan altogether.

The scale was kind to me this morning and did read below 250 so I am taking that as my new weight. I am really trying hard this time and my thought process is so different.

I am so tired of being this FAT AND BIG AND HUGE. I am tired of the snickering as I walk by and the laughing as if I am the laughing joke of the world. I realize that the ones doing this are the ones with the issues.

I understand now what I didn't understand in my early 20's when I was a skinny minny. That you don't know why or how the person that seems so huge is why they are and certainly you don't know why they don't loose the weight. I used to think if I got that big that I would be able to loose the weight faster but it is not that easy because now I am that big. I sat in judgement of heavy people in my teens and early 20's but never again will I judge anyone. Because now I am the one that is huge and my belly clears a table. That I stink in my creases cause I sweated at work and have to take 2 showers a day. You know it is so embarrassing to go somewhere and say I won't fit in that tight spot. You can't even go to church and sit in the middle of the pew in fear of if you have to leave then everyone in your way will have to literally get up and let you out cause either your front will hit there face or your butt will. And as for a lap, I haven't seen a lap on me in years. my belly sits on it all the time

Today I am depressed but I think once the funeral is over I will be better.


On a good note, I am not just sitting back watching my weight grow. I am doing something about it. Those people that laugh at me well give me a year and lets see who is laughing then. I once saw a sign that read... I may be fat but you're ugly and at least I can diet.
The wii continues to be a very fun and good tool for me to use. I weigh everyday but rarely have time to play. Hopefully that will change. It is hard to use something when hubby has control of the tv it is attached too.