Why is it no matter what you do life just moves on with out you. It doesn't slow down. It doesn't take a day off and it doesn't even go on vacation. ... Too many days are passing.
I am back on my eating plan. Self destruct mode turned off for right now. My dear hubby reckonized what I was doing and confronted me about it. Went out to eat chinese food, Which he knows is not atkins or diabetes friendly, and told me that he knew I was upset that he knows I am only eating to fix me. it wasnt a slap in the face but it was a wake up call. I didn't even enjoy it nor digested it well since it kept me up all night.
I don't know why I can't fix me like I can fix everyone else. So Saturday I thought about what he had said, it eat at me all day until that night and when it came time to eat I fixed my food seperate from the others and started my eating plan then. I don't understand why I keep going back to food for comfort and why I think I need it when I know that it is the very thing killing me.
My father in law is doing about the same. He is suffering and there is nothing we can do to fix this other than just giving up on him. I am not going to do that. So I pray that God shows him compassion and doesnt let him suffer for very long. I have grown to love this ol' man dearly and I know the end is near for him. I have had to have discussions with the nurses and pastor about what to do when that time comes. To say that it saddens me is beyond comprehension at this time. I pray God is with me so I can handle everything when the time comes.
My grandkids continue to be a positive distraction for me. They bring so much joy to my life. I am so proud of all of their accomplishments this year in school so far. My soon to be 5 year old is almost potty trained. He learned to pedal a tricycle, a very biggie, and is talking more and more. He is still at about a 2 year old level but everyday amazes us with something. My 7 yr old granddaughter, she has really tried hard. She made every list that could be made for this past 6 weeks. She talks about her life with her mom and she hopes her mom is changing and I hope she is too.
My 11 soon to be 12 year old is doing great also. He has really started to catch up this year too. He has jumped from 3rd grade work to nearly 4th. He has had to play catch up all his life also.
I think all of the trauma that my grandchildren have been through is just awful and I wish that parents that have their children removed from their home would have to be made to go through some kind treatment but they don't they just take away the children. Their is no concequences for their lack of care for their children. I think if they take away their children there should be a time line of things they need to do whether they have their children returned or not or face criminal charges. Too many people are raising children they did not give birth too or adopt. I love my grandbabies and would do anything to protect them and keep them out of the system. I love my daughter too but I have to do what is best for her children until she can get herself together.

Well enough rambling for today. I am hopefully going to be posting again. For my own sake I hope I am cause I feel better when I vent and don't feel bashful when I do it on here.