A McDonalds chocolate shake, fries, and cheeseburger. In my own defense I was insane with hunger, exhaustion, hormones.

Its been a rough week. I've struggled almost every day with the diet, trying to get in some exercise, trying to get a reasonable amount of sleep AND all the big emotional dramas that seem to be seeping into my life. (don't feed the drama llamas!)

Last night my hunny's unit invited her out for a going away party (just from their unit into another, not the job we've been waiting for) and she begged me to come. I didn't want to. I wanted to go home, get dinner made, do some exercising, and crash. But she pulled her guilt trip and I went out with her. I was surrounded by food I couldn't eat and beer I couldn't drink and she kept talking and talking and before I knew it the clock said 8:30pm. It has been 8 hours since I ate and I was starving! Then we had to walk a mile and a half to get back to where she parked the car (not an exaggeration) and I was wearing flipflops so my feet and joints were KILLING me. I was NOT prepared for this thing.

So on the way home we got stuck in traffic so finally I told her I WANT SOMETHING TO EAT NOW. What happened to be around but a McD's. Bastards are everywhere! In a mental temper tantrum and in sheer frustration that I'm having such a hard time dropping these 3-4 pounds that I keep losing and gaining back, I gave in. I drowned my exhaustion, hunger, pain and hormones in a large fry, a large chocolate shake, and a cheeseburger.

That night I felt like my heart was going to pound out of my chest. I wondered to myself if eating McDs once a year was enough kill a person with cholesterol.

This morning I begin again, again, again, again. URG. I've had eggs, I've had coffee, I've had water, and I'm DYING for something sweet. Damn cravings! Grilled chicken for lunch and bunless burgers for dinner (with veggies of course).

So here I go...Induction **** again. I did it to myself. I need to regroup, recommit, refocus....recycle...reuse...you get the idea. Fitting into that wedding dress feels like miles away now.