Is Atkins Making Me a Neat Freak?

[killerbombshell]

I've noticed that since I've lost a certain amount of weight, I've started demanding more out of myself and tolerating very little bad energy from others.

I've been overweight for most of my life, and I believe that heavy girls (and men, but probably more so for females) during their adolescent time are taught and learn that they really "don't matter." Being invisible to the both sexes (for the most part: there is little legitament male attention and girls do not view you as a threat) allows us to start to get that "I don't matter because I'm heavy" attitude. At my most depressed during my freshman year, I often would go several days without showering or brushing my teeth and go without doing laundry for months on end. I tolerated less than desireable friendships and romantic relationships in the fear that I would not be able to get anyone better. These are all shameful for me to admit, but I believed that whatever I did was irrelevant, no one would see me and "I didn't matter."

I have subsequently been incapable of maintaining a neat and tidy living space; keeping track of items (jewelry especially, I have lost more things I love than I can count), keeping clothes off the floor, doing dishes has been nearly impossible. Since I've returned from my winter break, however, this has all turned around. My living room, kitchen, and dining room have remained relatively impeccable. The most difficult task, my bedroom, which had become so filthy that I was overcome with anxiety just entering; yesterday I cleaned, organized, rearranged, vaccuumed, you name it. I also collected a huge bag of clothing I knew I would never wear: this includes "fat" clothes, as well as things that I was holding onto because I was too ashamed to admit they were no good anymore, because, AGAIN, "I didn't matter."

I just wanted to share this little anecdote for anyone (ladies and gents included) who are also struggling to get over that "I'm not important" feeling. You ARE! And it may take losing that first 10 pounds, or 50 before you realize it. But one day you will wake up, look around, and realize that you can do it, and getting control of your eating is the biggest step to getting control of your life.

[ttdriver]

Re: Is Atkins Making Me a Neat Freak?

I just wanted to share this little anecdote for anyone (ladies and gents included) who are also struggling to get over that "I'm not important" feeling. You ARE! And it may take losing that first 10 pounds, or 50 before you realize it. But one day you will wake up, look around, and realize that you can do it, and getting control of your eating is the biggest step to getting control of your life.

Betty

[Jasmain]

Re: Is Atkins Making Me a Neat Freak?

I think that is amazing and a very strong testiment to what feeling better about you can do for you. You've always mattered. If you gained it all back, you'd still matter. That never changes. I hope, no matter what happens, that you realize that now YOU matter to YOU in a way you never have before. NEVER let what someone else thinks take that from you ever again, because it's the most important tool you'll ever have in fighting the fight against the outside world and their nasty, un-needed opinions. No one else can give you or did give you this wonderful feeling, you did that for yourself. You're giving the you that's always been there permission to exist in this world.

It's a beautiful thing, just like you are.

[slimndown]

Re: Is Atkins Making Me a Neat Freak?

Killerbomb - We are two peas in a pod. I have felt the same way and recently have made some changes in everyday life to prove to myself that I do matter. My dishes are done, my house is cleaned, and I don't tolerate people trying to walk all over me as much as I used to. I've also been more focused on things that really matter to me. I think it has alot to with no blood sugar surges or spikes that usually force the perpetual pity party, which leads to all of the above self abuse you mentioned.