thinking....

[Twisti]

I find myself as it gets closer to Christmas being more and more intensly depressed...On the 22nd Andrew passed away but wasnt delivered until July 2nd 2004....I hate dates and dates will never go away...I think although we are TTC again, I think I will restart my Lexapro for awhile, its just so hard to deal with things and my head doesnt clearly thing anymore...Also I find myself needed a valium more and more...I dont know if its really because of my nerves or is I really need it...know what i mean? God knows I dont want to get hooked on anything, thats why I actuallly stopped Lexapro....anyway just needed to babble a bit...

[loonatika]

Twisti, I can't imagine how hard it is for you right now. Can you talk to your doc about the meds? Maybe there's something else they can do to help.

I wasn't sure if you had seen 2big's poem, so I copied and pasted it below. :hug

i was spending a different kind of Christmas for me last yr with a childless house and still griving the loss of a child when a friend in a grif support program sent me this poem and it helped me realize she wasn't missing

I see the countless Christmas trees around the world below.
With tiny lights, like Heaven's stars, reflecting on the snow.
The sight is so spectacular, please wipe away that tear;
For I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.

I hear the many Christmas songs that people hold so dear.
But the sounds of music can't compare with the Christmas choir up here.
I have no words to tell you the joy their voices bring.
For it is beyond description to hear the angels sing.

I know how much you miss me, I see the pain inside your heart.
But I am not so far away, we really aren't apart.
I cannot tell you of the splendor or the peace inside this place
Can you imagine Christmas with our Savior, face to face?

I will ask him to light your spirit as I tell him of your love.
So then pray for one another as you lift your eyes above.
So be happy for me, dear ones, you know I hold you dear.
And be glad I'm spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.

I sent you each a special gift, from my heavenly home above.
I sent you each a memory of my undying love.
After all, love is a gift more precious than pure gold.
It was always most important in the stories Jesus told.

Please love and keep each other, as my Father said to do.
For I can't count the blessing or love he has for each of you.
So have a Merry Christmas and wipe away that tear.
Remember, I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.

[Twisti]

I have another appt on the 22nd, ill talk to doc about stuff then...

Thanks for posting the poem, I did go read it, and I like it very very much....

[silview]

Yeah, it's fuinny isn't it? I get depressed around this time of the year too.
I don't know why. I started to meditaing and drink Japanese green tea.
It's working and even better, along w/atkins recipe, I'm not gaining as much

[da Walnut]

:hug Twisti

You're a brave woman, and strong and a fighter. There is no harm in starting meds to make it through the holidays and a lil longer if you need them.

If you and DH are TTC, you need to think about moving to Maintenance, and checking out the Pregnancy Board.

[Twisti]

Oh I will move to the Main. phase when and if we get a + test...

I also drink green tea..its so relaxful for me...but I cant have too much its a natural blood thinner and Im already on blood thinner....

Started retaking my Lexapro this morning...hope it doesnt take forever to get back into my system....

Thanks for your thoughts guys...