Some Thoughts on Depression from a New Member

[loonatika]

Debbie, I've been dealing with depression for well over 8 years now. Sunk as low as your daughter a few times, but luckily for me I've got a self-preservation streak that just kept me going despite what my mind told me.

All I can advise is from what I experienced and went through so bear with me here. First of all, nothing you've done in the past has caused this problem, it's a chemical imbalance and an illness. When your daughter is at her lowest point, the main trouble is she probably can't see a way out of her situation. It may just be something really minor, but it gets blown way out of proportion until it feels like you are in a deep dark hole that there is no way out of. You also feel completely and utterly worthless - hence the not wanting to call for help, you don't feel like you are worth helping.

All you can do is offer unconditional love and support, which you obviously already do. Try as much as possible to point out the positive aspects in your daughters life, however minor. It may take some convincing for her to see any good points. Let her know how valued and important she is to you and others. And although it's hard, don't judge her by what has happened, try and understand it's something else controlling her mind and actions.

[Uniquely_Ambi]

Thank you all for your posts. I've had depression since I was 14. It started out with being unhappy with the way I looked and starving myself, to cutting myself, and several suicide attempts.

I've tried paxil, effexor, serzone, and wellbutrin sr, but no luck on any of it. I've only seen a regular pcp for meds. I probably should see a psychietrist. I'm seeing a psychologist right now.

I hate having depression. Some days are good days, but some days are just horrible and I just want to die. I feel sad and helpless and I just want help so badly. I don't want to feel this way. I don't want the depression and the emotional issues. One day at a time.

The best thing to help me so far is Atkins-something about it keeps me in check (so long as I stay on it).

[Trying2]

Dear Amber. I know that you are hurting so badly with the depression. I'm giving you a :hug .
You mentioned that you are getting meds from your primary care physician. I urge you to see a psychiatrist who is trained to give you the correct medicine and diagnosis. Your PCP is not. I hope that your psychologist and you have a trusting, therepeutic relationship and that you are making some kind of headway. If not then shop around. This is so important. Perhaps she/he can give you the name of a psychiatrist.

I see your age and I feel so hopeful for you. With the advances of medicine and with the right person for "talk" therapy I know that things will not always stay like this for you. Keep going foward because you are worth it. I know that it is so hard to see past the gloom when we are feeling funky. But it will happen. You'll see. No matter how old you think you are...you are still so very young by todays standards and lots of good things that will happen in your life.

Being on Atkins will help give you control over this portion of your life...so stick with it - Okay?

I'll be looking for your posts and ask for help whenever you need it.

[DebbietheHugBug]

Peter and Ange,

Thank you so much for your knowledge and insight. I know she has had this disease all of her life but diagnosed and (somewhat) treated in her late teens. I know it is genetic on her Father's side. And no, I don't blame myself or feel guilty that anything I've said or done caused any of this.

When this happened 10 years ago, I went to her and stayed for a month. I met with all the doctors and her therapist. Her grandmother is also a therapist and lives about 30 min away from her so she does have a tremendous amount of support out there.

I have called her every night since learning of this last episode. She sounds good. I'm hoping that when she gets out of the hospital that she will let me come out and help. Hopefully she will be in a day treatment program. Her employer is helping her out tremendously so she can concentrate on getting well and not worry about her job.

I know that my daughter knows what she needs to do. I can't dwell on what should have been done. I will do anything I can to help her get well, including staying away if that is her wish. I know that too many people around her smothers her.

Thank you so much for your help!

[Momma Yamo]

Hi Everyone!

Big Hugs for DebbietheHugBug & Peter & Loonatik :hug :hug :hug

Debbie dear, I really feel for you, esp. since I was suicidal since I was in grammar school. I've nearly died twice and honestly believed I would be better off at the time and couldn't understand why my parents didn't understand. I was so depressed at the time but I didn't know how to express it. My parents were so worried, it must be baffling for you as well!!!

I was adopted, so I know this was passed on by my "real" parents, as my adoptive parents were loving, caring, and kind people. At one time, I may have wanted to hurt my "real" parents for having abandoned me and also having physical illness as a part of my younger life (I had double pneumonia twice by the time I was in 2nd grade) so I spent a lot of time sick in bed. I was undernourished and small (even for asian) when I was brought to the States. As I grew older, I realized this wasn't anyone's fault. It's like Peter says, it's a disease like cancer and it just doesn't go away because we wish it would.

At any rate, I was suicidal for most of my adult life and I've only recently found relief in the form of ECT. I still have bad days, but not even remotely as bad as before. Granted, it's only been 8 months, but these have been the best 8 months (at a time!) that I've ever had. For me, the ECT broke that depressive cycle. The "I feel great, I'm invincible, I'm so wonderful to ugghh I'm lower than a bug feeling"

I do enjoy the good times but now my down time is not nearly as devastating. The worst has been more like, "I'm a little down, I think I have the flu, I need to rest, reflect..." Then, I go out with my hubby and friends, spend time with my family & pets, exercise and I feel better!

One thing I've noticed, is that exercise has also helped quite a bit lately. Something about being outdoors in the daytime, getting a little fresh air and sunshine. My hubby practically had to force me the first few times, but I've noticed a big change with this too. I actually miss my daily walks when it's rainy!

Depression is different for every person, we don't know what causes it, where it comes from, why it doesn't get well. We can speculate everything from a rotten childhood to crummy adult life, but ultimately it is very personal and the only person who may come close to understanding it is the person who has it. Even then, we may not understand, but in my opinion, good psychiatry helps.

We can kid ourselves and try to blame things or situations or people, but that's only because we can't understand it ourselves. One of the things I believed was what a well-meaning therapist (I had in grammar school) "thought" my problem was; she said I was being "emotionally abused" at home and I thought... yeah that's it. So, I blamed my parents for a while, but then, I realized, that wasn't it. That was far from it. My parents yelled at me just like everybody else's parents yelled at their kids (mine yelled even less in some cases) So I was kind of pissed at that therapist for a while. I got over it, but it caused a lot of anguish on my part and my parents' part because it was totally misdiagnosed.

I blamed my first husband because he cheated on me. But did I stop to look at how I treated him? I was selfish, spoiled, a rotten kid that wouldn't grow up, I was depressed and suicidal, what choice did he have? He didn't know any better, he'd never been married to a crazy ***** before. So he strayed and I blamed him. But I look back, and honestly, I was just as much to blame. We split up before I could ever understand any of this.

Michael, my current husband, my best friend, has put up with a lot. He's been there for me through good and bad. He knew how self-destructive I could be, but he stayed. Fortunately I was on the right path in terms of my therapy so he knew what he was in for. I had warned him that if he wanted to be a part of my life, he'd have to understand and he has.

My oldest daughter is 22 and she's being treated for depression too. I've been supportive and we talk about it a lot. Maybe your daughter should try talking to her father? I really believe that it helps bring things into perspective. I try not to pry too much into her life, but I do check to make sure she's still taking her meds. She says it has helped a lot. Since she's been aware of it for a while and knows that its hereditary, she's careful about staying on her meds. She was home with me when I had ECT and helped out while I was recuperating. If at some time she decides she needs ECT, I'll be the first one telling her how great it is; but she already knows because she's noticed the change. She talks with Mike to check on me too!! :nod

Well, I've gone on and on here, hope you don't mind...

Debbie, hang in there and I hope your daughter gets good help. Suicide is a cry for help. I think it is the physical embodiment of our emotional distress. We KNOW there's something wrong, but we can't figure it out. I don't think we CAN figure it out. I'm glad she's getting the care she needs, and I hope things get better for her. Let her know that people can and do get through it, but with constant care. I see my psychiatrist weekly and still take Wellbutrin, but this is a small price to pay for my well-being.

Best wishes to all..

[DebbietheHugBug]

Momma, thank you for your thoughts and kind words.

My daughter's Father suffers with Depression even more so than my daughter. I'm sure she inherited it from him as everyone in his family suffers with it. Her Father has also had ECT and is currently on 4 different medications. My daughter says that he has been on EVERYTHING. The last time I saw him, he could barely hold a conversation.

My daugher is fortunate. She has a wealth of a support system. Although, as her Mother living 1,000 miles away, that brings me little comfort. She has a regular therapist and has finally found who she believes to be a good Psychiatrist. She said her meds are finally stabilized and she was released from the hospital last Saturday. I call her every other night to make sure she's ok. I won't be convinced totally that she's ok until I can look into her eyes.

I know this will be a life-long struggle for her. I know it has nothing to do with me or anything I have said or done. I know this is an illness that she inherited. It breaks my heart that such a beautiful young woman has to suffer with this. I continue to learn as much as I can to try to understand this disease.

Momma, I can't pretend to understand your struggles. I can, however, understand the position of your husband. My ex suffers with depression. (another marriage, not my daughter's Father). I didn't know the horrors of it until all of this with my daughter. My ex refuses to take medication so being around him was like constantly walking on egg shells. Every LITTLE thing would set him off. Because he refused treatment and seeking help for himself, I could no longer stay married to him. I don't mean to sound selfish, but I also have emotional needs of my own. We have stayed very good friends and I hope he finds someone who can tolerate him and be happy.

I commend you for recognizing and receiving the treatments that you need. I'm glad that depression is being recognized as the disease that it is, not as an "emotion". I've learned a lot and I know I still have so much more to learn. Thank you for telling me about you. It really does help me understand better :hug