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My mother is one of the kindest, funniest, and most generous people I have ever known. That said, she is also one of the most disordered eaters. At 51, she still struggles with the persistent bulimia she's fought my entire life. Over the years, she's had constant dental problems and digestive surgery, but has never developed a healthy relationship with eating. She went on Atkins with my dad a few years ago to help support him; he stuck with it and lost 50 lbs, she lasted about 3 weeks before going back to binging. She said she likes to switch diets every month to shock her metabolism. I love her and worry about her so much.
My biggest problem, however, is I'm sure that it's really affected me mentally, as far as food goes. I remember going with her to Weight Watchers and aerobics class when I was 6 years old, dancing cheerfully on the sidelines, proud that I had the thinnest, youngest-looking mommy. I have two sisters, and all three of us have practiced purging for some period of time. I had a year in college when I really struggled with it. At the time, I was living with my mother. She overheard me in the bathroom one night and was waiting outside the door. "Oh *&%)," I thought. "Honey," she said. "You didn't rinse. Make sure you rinse afterwards to protect your teeth." I was stunned. And now, a few years later, that conversation horrifies me.
I feel like I have a good attitude about this diet. I love it. I don't even want to cheat. My mom is skeptical, however, and cuts me down with comments like, "Well, you're much bigger than I am, so you need this extreme diet." To which I've replied, "Mom, what's so extreme about eating salad every day?" I feel guilty being catty though.
Also, I know deep down inside that one of the big reasons I am trying to become healthier and truly fit (I ran cross-country in junior high/high school and want to be able to run 3 miles again!), is so that I won't end up like her. And knowing that makes me feel guilty. I love my mother so it seems disrespectful to strive to be different in that way.
Sorry for the long post--I've just been dying to get that out to someone other than my husband, who is a sweet gem, but is not known for his verbal contributions. Thank you to whoever takes the time to read this.
My biggest problem, however, is I'm sure that it's really affected me mentally, as far as food goes. I remember going with her to Weight Watchers and aerobics class when I was 6 years old, dancing cheerfully on the sidelines, proud that I had the thinnest, youngest-looking mommy. I have two sisters, and all three of us have practiced purging for some period of time. I had a year in college when I really struggled with it. At the time, I was living with my mother. She overheard me in the bathroom one night and was waiting outside the door. "Oh *&%)," I thought. "Honey," she said. "You didn't rinse. Make sure you rinse afterwards to protect your teeth." I was stunned. And now, a few years later, that conversation horrifies me.
I feel like I have a good attitude about this diet. I love it. I don't even want to cheat. My mom is skeptical, however, and cuts me down with comments like, "Well, you're much bigger than I am, so you need this extreme diet." To which I've replied, "Mom, what's so extreme about eating salad every day?" I feel guilty being catty though.
Also, I know deep down inside that one of the big reasons I am trying to become healthier and truly fit (I ran cross-country in junior high/high school and want to be able to run 3 miles again!), is so that I won't end up like her. And knowing that makes me feel guilty. I love my mother so it seems disrespectful to strive to be different in that way.
Sorry for the long post--I've just been dying to get that out to someone other than my husband, who is a sweet gem, but is not known for his verbal contributions. Thank you to whoever takes the time to read this.
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