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The Cycle
I've read so many stories on here so I thought I would tell mine. I am a emotional binge eater... That is so hard to write and to admit but I am and have been for most of my life and I will be 21 this year.
First of all I stand at 6'1" so I was never what I would call thin or petite. I've always tried to maintain at about 200-220 which seems to be a healthy look for me. I know to some that seems large. Right now and I just weighed today I weight in at 311 lbs. I could have cried when I looked at that number on the scale.
My binge eating started as a child after my parents seperation. My earliest binging memory was sitting in front of the TV eating a fill 2l of ice cream and then going back for cookies or whatever else I could find.
In high school I was obese and while i wasn't made fun of I just wanted to be notice.. to feel pretty like all the other girls so I decided to diet. What started as an healthy diet quickly turned into an obsession with food. I cut down my amounts drastically and at one point would only eat dry toast, plain white rice measured out and canned tomato soup. Then I stopped eating for five days at a time only drinking water and diet soda and would only allow myself to eat one day on the weekend.
This lasted for about a year and I did become thin at that point and my parents began to question bu behaviour.
In nursing school I managed to get back on track with food and for those years I maintained a decent weight and considered my relationship with food to be a healthy one.
My first years of working I began to put on weight and starting the binging again only this time in larger and more frequent quantities, especially at night when I was feeling lonely or depressed. I ballooned up to 375 lbs and my doc told me I had to do something.
I dieted on my own lost about 40 lbs mainly counting calories and then moved from my hometown into the city.
I discovered atkins shortly after and I wish I could say this is the end of my story it isn't. In a year I lost almost 100 lbs I stuck to the diet and was strict about it.
I then came off the diet and then went to a WeightWatchers program and with tons of exercise my gain was little.
After feeling I was slowly gaining again little by little last aug i decided it was time for atkins again and I lost what I gained and a little more. it was in oct the depression hit.
This winter has been ****. I have been in a constant struggle with food my binges are outrageous.
This is a typical binge and I am ashamed to admit it.
1. Large Pizza with the works
2. Bag of french fries with gravy
3. whole cheesecake
4. lg bag of potatoe chips
5. coconut cream pie
6. and perhaps a couple chocolate bars not to mention pepsi.
I wonder what the **** is wrong with me after I do this? I swear it's like a drug and I go into some weird state after eating all this food.
I've become a recluse only leaving the house for work and errands and I've pushed friends away.
So, I started atkins again two days ago and I'm keeping my fingers crossed.
Thanks for listening.
First of all I stand at 6'1" so I was never what I would call thin or petite. I've always tried to maintain at about 200-220 which seems to be a healthy look for me. I know to some that seems large. Right now and I just weighed today I weight in at 311 lbs. I could have cried when I looked at that number on the scale.
My binge eating started as a child after my parents seperation. My earliest binging memory was sitting in front of the TV eating a fill 2l of ice cream and then going back for cookies or whatever else I could find.
In high school I was obese and while i wasn't made fun of I just wanted to be notice.. to feel pretty like all the other girls so I decided to diet. What started as an healthy diet quickly turned into an obsession with food. I cut down my amounts drastically and at one point would only eat dry toast, plain white rice measured out and canned tomato soup. Then I stopped eating for five days at a time only drinking water and diet soda and would only allow myself to eat one day on the weekend.
This lasted for about a year and I did become thin at that point and my parents began to question bu behaviour.
In nursing school I managed to get back on track with food and for those years I maintained a decent weight and considered my relationship with food to be a healthy one.
My first years of working I began to put on weight and starting the binging again only this time in larger and more frequent quantities, especially at night when I was feeling lonely or depressed. I ballooned up to 375 lbs and my doc told me I had to do something.
I dieted on my own lost about 40 lbs mainly counting calories and then moved from my hometown into the city.
I discovered atkins shortly after and I wish I could say this is the end of my story it isn't. In a year I lost almost 100 lbs I stuck to the diet and was strict about it.
I then came off the diet and then went to a WeightWatchers program and with tons of exercise my gain was little.
After feeling I was slowly gaining again little by little last aug i decided it was time for atkins again and I lost what I gained and a little more. it was in oct the depression hit.
This winter has been ****. I have been in a constant struggle with food my binges are outrageous.
This is a typical binge and I am ashamed to admit it.
1. Large Pizza with the works
2. Bag of french fries with gravy
3. whole cheesecake
4. lg bag of potatoe chips
5. coconut cream pie
6. and perhaps a couple chocolate bars not to mention pepsi.
I wonder what the **** is wrong with me after I do this? I swear it's like a drug and I go into some weird state after eating all this food.
I've become a recluse only leaving the house for work and errands and I've pushed friends away.
So, I started atkins again two days ago and I'm keeping my fingers crossed.
Thanks for listening.
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