Teen with eating issues..

[sadie147]

I'm not sure if anyone will have any insight or advice for me here..but it's worth a shot. this is kind of a tough one.

My 16 yr old orphaned cousin lives with me (actually her mother was my first cousin and best friend) she was 9 when her mother died, father has never been around. She lived with her grandmother for the first 6 yrs but came to live with us when gramma couldn't handle her anymore. Of course this is all very tough on a young girl and I think that plays a big part of her problem. she's about 40 lbs overweight right now, and is a food 'hoarder'. I don't know how to describe it other than she litterally will take anything to her room, hide it and eat it, doesn't matter if it's something frozen (she will not defrost) etc. she also takes entire bags of cookies, snacks, boxes of cereal, boxes of oatmeal, you name it. she just seems to binge (without the purging). Tonight she had 3 slices of pizza at dinner, then snuck the remaining 3 slices up to her room 2 hours later. I don't think it's because she's hungry, it's emotional eating.

Anyone have experience with a teenager with a strange habit/disorder like this? I'm trying to only keep healthy snacks in, fruit, trail mix, nuts etc. And i did stop buying cases of soda at one point but then started again as i prefer she at least drink diet pop (she'll drink regular if she gets it at the store.) she does also buy bags and bags of candy, which i can't control. she's very self conscience about her weight and i have talked to her about atkins..or at least cutting out sugar at best. but she just wont do it. I've been on this woe for a year and she's watched me lose weight and we talk about it all the time. but no action. i was hoping it would rub off on her a bit.

I do realize she needs counselling and i'm working on getting her to go, i just thought i'd see if anyone had any ideas. It's pretty touchy dealing with a 16 yr old girl who's very selfconscience about her weight. i have to be carefule how i deal with it.


and a side note: because of all this food she has hidden in her room we now have mice! YUCK! they're having a field day LOLl

[shelbyquinn03079]

hmmm the hording is a different issue then the overeating I think. I have seen and heard of people who do that because they were deprived food at a point and now they want to make sure they dont' go hungery again so they steal and hide food. The binging is probably about control. Obviously it is emotional eating like you said but eating disorders or things like them usually are control issues. Even if she can't control everything else in her life SHE decides what she does to her body ya know? It could be worse I guess (anorexia, drugs, cutting etc..) but you are probably doing the best thing by giving her a stable and loving home & the counselling is a definate.

[Desertthorn]

Unfortunately, you do have a problem on your hands. Poor little thing, and the more you say to her the more she will do it. School counselors, go online for eating disorder info, and let us know if there is anything that we can do.
Until then, lead by example, see if she will talk to you about it and just hold her. :hug :hug :hug

[sadie147]

hmmm the hording is a different issue then the overeating I think. I have seen and heard of people who do that because they were deprived food at a point and now they want to make sure they dont' go hungery again so they steal and hide food. The binging is probably about control

You know we've considered the hoarding thing maybe her feeling like she may be abandoned one day? It's a very bizarre habit and not a very healthy one (today I bought a dozen doughnuts as a treat for the family and she's had 5 within 3 hours! My biggest concern right now besides her weight is diabetes. she eats an enormous amount of sugar.

Until then, lead by example, see if she will talk to you about it and just hold her

I'm actually going to try to do that..and stop buying her treats (i realize i'm not doing her any favours). I'm hoping my woe will maybe rub off a little bit eventually..and tonight she did mention that she knows she's put on weight..which is a good start..so at least now i know it's a topic i can bring up.

Thank you both for your insight..We're looking for counselling for her now, hopefully she will go.

I'll keep you guys updated of her progress.

[Shay]

I am definately not an expert but here is my 2 cents.

The hoarding may be nothing more than the fact that she is embarrased about the amount that she eats. I've been there! And I remember when I was younger doing the same thing to a lesser extent, but still hiding what I was eating to the best of my ability.

Looking back here is what I wish someone had done for me. Make sure that I felt excepted no matter what. That I am loved no matter what my weight, what I am eating, etc. Don't try limiting what she is eating just yet, just work on getting her to trust you. Seek counceling of course, as this is a much deeper issue as you know, but in the meantime just focess on making her feel safe, and maybe leave the weight issue alone for awhile. I know you are worried about her health but I believe the more you worry the less she will feel you except her for her. Chance are as she works through issues in counceling the food issues will be addressed and worked on as well.

Good luck, and you are wonderful for what you are doing!

[TyCowboy]

Re: Teen with eating issues..

Oftentimes, compulsive eating and food hoarding have their cause in feelings of abandonment...you nailed it when you mentioned that she acts like another meal may not be coming along.

It's seen a lot in children who feel as though they have no guarantee of stability/security/food delivery.

There are a thousand causes for food hoarding and eating compulsively, though, but with the history that you've provided, I would be concerned about the above. The trouble is that it's hard to break, and often involves carefully regulating the amout of food the child receives (read padlocks on cabinets) and therapy to help the child to cope with the feelings of abandonment or fear of instability.

Ty

[Iapetus999]

Re: Teen with eating issues..

My kid does that sometimes. One year my wife was cookie mom and my kid hid/ate a carton or 2 of cookies (12 boxes/carton)...we made her work off the debt.
My suggestion is to take her shopping with you and let her choose her "own" food (within healthy limits) that's just for her. It may be a few more years before she's ready to loosen up and change her eating habits. You can lead a horse to water etc etc.

[jystmekathie]

Re: Teen with eating issues..

Having been a horder when I was a teen and my dad died when I was 8... I can almost relate to her. It's not exactly the same thing, but I'm betting that Shay hit it on the money when she said she's embarrassed of the amount of food she's eating. My mom always bought me whatever food I asked for.

With my daughters, I make a list of things I'm buying at the grocery store and they can have 2 special things such as pop tarts or cookies, but it has to last for a month. When those snacks are gone, it's fruit, sf jello or sf pudding for them with dinner. And they have a special box (one of those rubbermaid cereal boxes) in their room to keep just their food in and no one is allowed to get in it. Most of the time, by the end of the month now, they're just running out. But it allows them to make the choice. And it also makes it so I know how many calories are going into their mouth with junk.

As far as padlocking cabinets, my mom went that route. At 14, I was able to walk anywhere to get what I wanted and had money from bottles or whatever it took to make some. Then at 16 I could drive, so padlocking didn't even matter anymore. She never could figure out how I gained weight then.

I believe most of it is emotional, and soon she'll come to know you're not abandoning her too. Just speak to her in an adult tone and she might try talking with you. Good luck.