From hard drugs to food..

[BreakfastSurreal]

Just thought I would share my story with you guys.
Growing up I was always the chubby girl, and always searched for "easy" ways to lose weight, mainly just so I could feel good about myself. At 15 I struggled with bulemia, though never quite got as skinny as I would have liked. Then at 18, I started trying drugs...it started out with an X pill, and I knew that drugs were bad, so I told myself I would only allow this kind of treat once every 3months...it started out that way, and every 3 months I would take a pill...I had a blast while I was on them, I won't lie. But it really really was not worth it. I soon began taking anywhere between 3-5 a night, maybe 2 times a week. I noticed that I was never hungry anymore, and started dropping weight slowly at first, but then when I started doing more X I lost even more...I was around 180 when I started, and then got to about 150. THEN my friend introduced me to crystal meth...weight loss in a stinging, nose-burning, powdery form. The day after I did my first line, I lost 5 pounds! I was so excited that I found something that made me lose weight fast AND feel really good. Meth made me feel hot, it made me feel like everyone loved me, and that I could do anything that I wanted to do...ALL good feelings, but they should come natrually, not chemically induced. I gradually started doing more and more meth, I think I got up to about a gram a day for 6 months solid...then finallly, I met my fiance...he did some other drugs at the time, and neither of us approved of the drugs the other was doing (funny huh? since all drugs are bad) so we quit together. My life has totally changed since then, being drug free is awesome. And I don't just say that...it really is...you'd know if you have ever had the experience of being awake for 13 days with no food, and you start getting really delirious, and see things...scratching your skin, constantly biting your nails, having urges to do STUPID things to get money for your next sack...I pawned every important possession I had. When I quit I saw food in a totally new light...I REALLY didn't care anymore whether I was thin or fat, I just wanted to get my body healthy. So I ate...and ate...and ate! My drug addiction was squelched and I found food to be my new vice. Not so bad right? I didn't think so, and I don't really regret going to food, but it has gotten out of control and now I'm ready to PUT THE CARBS DOWN and move on with my life. So far so good...I messed up last weekend, but it didn't feel good at all..it's hard since my fiance is not dieting, he doesn't want to, and I can't make him. But I trust God that he will help me overcome this as he has done so many times for me before.

[Laurenfra]

That is an amazing post I am honored you chose to share it with us. Anything you need we are there for you.

[BreakfastSurreal]

wahoo! Thanks Lauren! hehe i forgot to add in that with the food I had a severe case of computer gaming addiction as well...I am trying to break free of ALL addictive hobbies that I have...I feel like I am my own Mom now...it's kind of cool, because I am not going to spite myself the way I would spite my REAL mother for "telling me what to do". It's nice that I'm doing it on my own now, I feel like I'm morphing into adult life finally!

[Laurenfra]

I am glad you added a picture to you siggy, you are a beautiful young lady.

[snowlily]

Wow! Thanks for sharing your story with us! I can relate a little with you as far as why you liked the meth. I never did meth, I was a coke junkie back in my younger days. I never got where I couldnt go without it, but I would do it every chance I got. To this day, when I see it (like on tv) I get an urge. And I can remember back in the day having to leave somewhere if someone had it because I knew I would not be able to resist it. May sound silly but I bet I'd still be the same to this day, as that stuff really takes a hold of you. I remember before i ever tried it that someone said, "once you try it, you either die, or become an addict". I can see what they were talking about. Im so glad you overcame your addiction. And you will over your other addictions as well. Bringing them down one by one. Especially the food addiction. We will all be here for you, at all times! Isnt it a good feeling to know that we are not alone. :hug

Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me"

[BreakfastSurreal]

Thanks Snow! That kind of makes me feel better to know that other people still havve urges for their past addictions...sometimes I wonder if I am truly over the addiction...or if I will always be addicted, and the only way to not let it take hold of me is to cut myself off from the source...In other words I couldn't get it now if I tried...I don't talk to ANY of my old drug friends, except my fiance, who isn't a drug friend anymore. I think I have said no to it 3 or 4 times I have been around it, but I remember it was SO hard it drove me crazy....I just had to leave where I was and get away from it. Coke, and meth are both EVIL. Yay for people like us who know better now and have learned to keep ourselves out of the tempting situations!

[Nata]

BreakfastSurreal! Thank you for sharing your story! It is really great you left drugs :nod ! :clapping

[jimmie 48]

bfast girl, i want to ask a favor of you.

i have an old new poster girl in journals. old because she has been a member for a long time but new in the fact that she has been away and has just come back. her name is magenta and i would love for you to give her an invite over here to discuss things. you will understand if you go read her first post.

i normally do this kind of thing in a pm but, magenta has been out in the open with things and this is a nice ask. i did not want to pm because of the move.
3rd time IS the charm

[BreakfastSurreal]

bfast girl, i want to ask a favor of you.

i have an old new poster girl in journals. old because she has been a member for a long time but new in the fact that she has been away and has just come back. her name is magenta and i would love for you to give her an invite over here to discuss things. you will understand if you go read her first post.

i normally do this kind of thing in a pm but, magenta has been out in the open with things and this is a nice ask. i did not want to pm because of the move.
3rd time IS the charm

ok i posted let me know what you think, i just shared from the heart.

[DebbietheHugBug]

Thank you for this post. :yes

Although I have never had any experience with drugs, I went through all of this with my youngest daughter. She did everything. Her drug of choice was Loritabs but she was doing Meth and other hard drugs. She was so skinny, I thought she would die any day.

Fast forward 18 months, she is drug free. She is 26 yrs old. She spent a year in jail and I think that is where she grew her brain back. I can't begin to explain the total **** she made my life for 12 years. She is eating good but is not over-weight (yet LOL).

What I'm trying to say is that I understand and admire you for everything you're doing. It takes guts and a will of iron to take control of YOU, not let the drugs control you. I thank God every single day for bringing my daughter back to me and I'm sure your family does the same thing. If you can get control of those addictions, imagine what you can do on this WOL!!! :hug

[BreakfastSurreal]

Thank you for this post. :yes

Although I have never had any experience with drugs, I went through all of this with my youngest daughter. She did everything. Her drug of choice was Loritabs but she was doing Meth and other hard drugs. She was so skinny, I thought she would die any day.

Fast forward 18 months, she is drug free. She is 26 yrs old. She spent a year in jail and I think that is where she grew her brain back. I can't begin to explain the total **** she made my life for 12 years. She is eating good but is not over-weight (yet LOL).

What I'm trying to say is that I understand and admire you for everything you're doing. It takes guts and a will of iron to take control of YOU, not let the drugs control you. I thank God every single day for bringing my daughter back to me and I'm sure your family does the same thing. If you can get control of those addictions, imagine what you can do on this WOL!!! :hug

That is awesome that you are there for your daughter like that and are forgiving of her past mistakes...for a long time I didn't think my parents loved me anymore because of all the **** I had put them through...they did, but I didn't see it because I knew I didn't deserve it...gradually though, their trust in me has returned..but it has taken a whole year, and it still isn't where I'd like it to be...my younger sister (shes 17) isn't really allowed to come to my house...we are really really close so it upsets me a little, especially since I moved I have no friends...I dropped all my drug friends and was left with no one but my fiance. I am soo glad that my parents support and trust me more now. I feel respected as a human being, where as before I didnt, but I didn't really deserve to be either.

[DebbietheHugBug]

I understand :hug

There was a time when I thought I hated my daughter, but I really didn't. I hated who she was while on drugs.

Your parents will eventually come around. You have to understand that all that time you were on drugs, it was a very painful time for them. My biggest frustration was not knowing how to help my daughter. I finally realized that I couldn't... only she could help herself. The day she got arrested was the first good night sleep I had in 12 years. I was allowed to visit her twice a week and I was always there.

I know how your parents feel. My daughter broke my trust for many years. Our relationship isn't 100% yet but we are working on it. I'm all that my daughter has and I couldn't give up on her or abandon her but it was very hard on me to see what she was doing to herself.

Keep the faith. Keep doing what you're doing and eventually your parents will come around. Maybe if you shared some stories with them and told them how the drugs made you feel and why you could never go back to that life again. That is something that really helps me and makes my trust in her grow a little more everyday.

Thank you for sharing :hug

[JandLsMom]

Re: From hard drugs to food..

WOW! Good for you for getting off the drugs and acknowledging your addicton and how it was ruining your life. I can relate to you about transferring one addiction for another. Years ago i had an alcohol addiction and when i stopped drinking i became a food addict. Eventually you come to a point where you realize one addiction is no better than the other..they are all bad and unhealthy. I am thankful for the LC WOE coming into my life and showing me that it IS possible to get rid of addictions in my life. The atkins diet is perfect for this, it gets rid of the offending substances i am addicted to. I know that your post is a little old, if your still around...how are you doing? Have you beat the food addiction ??

[Tru2mee]

Re: From hard drugs to food..

BreakfastSurreal, your story is all too familiar to me... the only difference between yours and mine, is that Coke was my thrill of choice... and I only did meth if I absolutely couldn't find any cocaine. It IS a long, hard road..... one that you will face and fight every day for the rest of your life. I've been clean now for nearly 5 years and though every day gets easier, the backfall moments are even harder. Recently I've been faced with the fact that I found out one of my best friends in the world has begun snorting lines.... and as bad as I want to beat the ever lovin' crap out of her (she knows what it cost me, and how much I've struggled with it), I know that the best thing I can do for her is to just be there for her whenever she needs me and keep her as far away from it as I possibly can.

Kudos to you for kicking the addiction... just keep kicking it. Every day... every moment. .... thanks for making me realize how far I've come, when some days I feel like I've never accomplished anything at all.