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Hi Folks,
I posted this in the 14 day Induction forum (oh brother) but it's of course more appropriate here. Anyway, it's kind of a long post but maybe it has some value to someone out there.
In 1998 when I was admitted to the Norwalk Hospital with a dual track diagnosis of chronic depression and drug addiction I learned a great deal ~ lessons that had a profound effect on my life and I've been thinking that sharing some of my experience might be of benefit to others.
I really had no idea I was an addict but I was. I was addicted to Xanax, Pain killers, alcohol and cocaine. Detox is brutal especially from Xanax, I had an unlimited supply and had been taking a near lethal dose of 20 - 30 milligrams a day for eleven years - my detox alone lasted 6 months. Most any Physician will tell you that withdrawal from Xanax at this level is a long and horrific struggle - worse than anything really, including heroin.
I spent two weeks in the Hospital and then moved to nine months of out patient care which consisted of five days a week spent at the hospital for a series of individual sessions and group counseling and support sessions ranging from learning new coping skills to open meetings which for the most part followed the structure of AA.
That said there are two points that may be of interest to you.
1) Facing Addiction: When I walked into my very first meeting there was a huge Pyramid drawn on black board. The very top of the pyramid was sectioned off with word "Addiction" written in it. We were asked to talk about the reasons we ended up here and you name it people suggested it and I heard it all.. I lost my house, I lost my marriage, I lost my job, I have no money, I'm living in a shelter, I'm in pain, I was an abused child, I was an abused adult and on and on and on and on.
As our group of 20 belted out our reasons, the counselor would write them with chalk inside the pyramid below the word Addiction. When we were finished the counselor crossed out each of our reasons with an 'X" and simply said none of these will get better - ever. In fact they'll get worse until you beat this, at which point she circled the word addiction. I was stunned - in that moment I began to understand the severity of what had happened to my life.
2) Misery Loves You: Life does terrible things to all of us, some of us recover quickly some of us are slow learners - for addicts it's usually the latter. Given the chance addiction will take everything away from you that you cherish and along the way it will smash your face into the gutter, Life will lift you back up and ask - had enough yet? and the addict says nope. So we'll drink more alcohol, do more drugs, lose another job, lose our home or any other horror you can imagine. Then eventually Life will smash your face right back down in that gutter once again, pull you back up and ask Had enough yet? The addict usually says -nope not yet.
Now, eventually something so catastrophic happens and the addict finally reaches their personal rock bottom and that's a different place for all of us. From a DUI to a shattered family, Divorce, arrest, loss of job, having to live in a shelter..whatever you can imagine.
For me it was the death of my best friend, the loss of both my career with a major advertising agency -which resulted in a loss of income that eventually led to unpaid mortgage payments. Unable to save our home and too avoid foreclosure I sold it at a monumental loss, for me this was my rock bottom and this time when life pulled me up from the gutter and asked if I had had enough - I said yes, and I meant it.
Forgive me for speaking for everyone and if the following statements do not apply to you please know I use the term "you" in general. But for most of us who are obese we are indeed addicts and Atkins is a Program of recovery much like AA is a program for recovery and no addict regardless of their drug of choice makes it without working a Program.
You already know what it's like to hate your body, to miss out on the priceless moments of life. Missing out on family functions, celebrations with friends, ashamed to be seen at the beach or a party. Isolating yourself, not allowing yourself to enjoy simple pleasures because addiction to the wrong foods have made you a prisoner in a body you despise.
A dear friend of mine, Nancy is a substance abuse counselor whose alcoholism destroyed her family and her career as a professor at Yale. Nancy opens and closes her meetings with a gorgeous point. She says you already know what misery life as an addict is like. So why not try living clean and sober? - After all you have nothing to lose because one thing is certain, Misery will always take you back - always.
If your struggling with losing weight it's really not much different from the struggle a recovering alcoholic faces every day. Excuses to drink or abuse drugs abound every single day. I need a drink because I'm scared, I slipped up and got high because the drugs were right there in front of me...excuses...excuses ..excuses - and every one of them leading right back to the road to rock bottom.
If you want to get well you have to tough it out. Temptation is always around you and it tightens it's grip especially when you're hurting and weak.
That's why the mantra "One day at a time" is a code recovering addicts live by, because it works. And sometimes it's more like one nano second at a time. Each time we are confronted with an opportunity to "cheat" we are also confronted with a choice that for many of us is one of life and death - slim and healthy or fat and dying.
I know for myself I have to make these choices every day and will for the rest of my life. I pray that I'll be able to keep making the right ones - and to those of you who may be suffering, I pray that you will too.
Peter
I posted this in the 14 day Induction forum (oh brother) but it's of course more appropriate here. Anyway, it's kind of a long post but maybe it has some value to someone out there.
In 1998 when I was admitted to the Norwalk Hospital with a dual track diagnosis of chronic depression and drug addiction I learned a great deal ~ lessons that had a profound effect on my life and I've been thinking that sharing some of my experience might be of benefit to others.
I really had no idea I was an addict but I was. I was addicted to Xanax, Pain killers, alcohol and cocaine. Detox is brutal especially from Xanax, I had an unlimited supply and had been taking a near lethal dose of 20 - 30 milligrams a day for eleven years - my detox alone lasted 6 months. Most any Physician will tell you that withdrawal from Xanax at this level is a long and horrific struggle - worse than anything really, including heroin.
I spent two weeks in the Hospital and then moved to nine months of out patient care which consisted of five days a week spent at the hospital for a series of individual sessions and group counseling and support sessions ranging from learning new coping skills to open meetings which for the most part followed the structure of AA.
That said there are two points that may be of interest to you.
1) Facing Addiction: When I walked into my very first meeting there was a huge Pyramid drawn on black board. The very top of the pyramid was sectioned off with word "Addiction" written in it. We were asked to talk about the reasons we ended up here and you name it people suggested it and I heard it all.. I lost my house, I lost my marriage, I lost my job, I have no money, I'm living in a shelter, I'm in pain, I was an abused child, I was an abused adult and on and on and on and on.
As our group of 20 belted out our reasons, the counselor would write them with chalk inside the pyramid below the word Addiction. When we were finished the counselor crossed out each of our reasons with an 'X" and simply said none of these will get better - ever. In fact they'll get worse until you beat this, at which point she circled the word addiction. I was stunned - in that moment I began to understand the severity of what had happened to my life.
2) Misery Loves You: Life does terrible things to all of us, some of us recover quickly some of us are slow learners - for addicts it's usually the latter. Given the chance addiction will take everything away from you that you cherish and along the way it will smash your face into the gutter, Life will lift you back up and ask - had enough yet? and the addict says nope. So we'll drink more alcohol, do more drugs, lose another job, lose our home or any other horror you can imagine. Then eventually Life will smash your face right back down in that gutter once again, pull you back up and ask Had enough yet? The addict usually says -nope not yet.
Now, eventually something so catastrophic happens and the addict finally reaches their personal rock bottom and that's a different place for all of us. From a DUI to a shattered family, Divorce, arrest, loss of job, having to live in a shelter..whatever you can imagine.
For me it was the death of my best friend, the loss of both my career with a major advertising agency -which resulted in a loss of income that eventually led to unpaid mortgage payments. Unable to save our home and too avoid foreclosure I sold it at a monumental loss, for me this was my rock bottom and this time when life pulled me up from the gutter and asked if I had had enough - I said yes, and I meant it.
Forgive me for speaking for everyone and if the following statements do not apply to you please know I use the term "you" in general. But for most of us who are obese we are indeed addicts and Atkins is a Program of recovery much like AA is a program for recovery and no addict regardless of their drug of choice makes it without working a Program.
You already know what it's like to hate your body, to miss out on the priceless moments of life. Missing out on family functions, celebrations with friends, ashamed to be seen at the beach or a party. Isolating yourself, not allowing yourself to enjoy simple pleasures because addiction to the wrong foods have made you a prisoner in a body you despise.
A dear friend of mine, Nancy is a substance abuse counselor whose alcoholism destroyed her family and her career as a professor at Yale. Nancy opens and closes her meetings with a gorgeous point. She says you already know what misery life as an addict is like. So why not try living clean and sober? - After all you have nothing to lose because one thing is certain, Misery will always take you back - always.
If your struggling with losing weight it's really not much different from the struggle a recovering alcoholic faces every day. Excuses to drink or abuse drugs abound every single day. I need a drink because I'm scared, I slipped up and got high because the drugs were right there in front of me...excuses...excuses ..excuses - and every one of them leading right back to the road to rock bottom.
If you want to get well you have to tough it out. Temptation is always around you and it tightens it's grip especially when you're hurting and weak.
That's why the mantra "One day at a time" is a code recovering addicts live by, because it works. And sometimes it's more like one nano second at a time. Each time we are confronted with an opportunity to "cheat" we are also confronted with a choice that for many of us is one of life and death - slim and healthy or fat and dying.
I know for myself I have to make these choices every day and will for the rest of my life. I pray that I'll be able to keep making the right ones - and to those of you who may be suffering, I pray that you will too.
Peter
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