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  • To quit smoking - my can't is a won't

    Hi Everyone,

    Elleth I love your posts on this board, especially this new forum so thank you for launching it.

    I've been an addict most of my life as anyone who might have read some of my posts knows. Alcohol, cocaine, Xanax, Oxycontin, Tylox, and any and all Benzos I could get my hands on..and on and on and on.

    I've been clean and sober for five years, but I'll always be an addict and alcoholic. And I don't say that in a woe is me way I say that to keep myself alive. My feeling is anyone who has beat an addiction understands the fight and the pain and all the misery that got you into rehab in the first place.

    I started smoking when I was 15...quit on and off, wit my longest stretch being six years. I now smoke a whopping 2 -3 packs a day. In the past week I've started a clean Induction, I'll be on Induction for months so I know I have to stick with it - and will because I have a program in place...god working a program is so important isn't it? I started exercising for the first time in years..but the cigarettes? I'm lost.

    No program, no determination. I get chest pains and shortness of breath at the slightest exertion, my partner Sean is worried sick that I'm going to keel over one day...and at 47 considering the shape I'm in, it's not unlikely. The principles of 12 steps have always worked for me ...I have a copy of the big book, ( The AA bible) but haven't botherd to find it. AA Meetings are held right down the street from me I have no intention of going. I'm in that weird place of wanting to quit but not making the choice to.

    The first thing I had to do when I was detoxed from Xanax - (the single worse experience of my life), was to write a good-bye letter to Xanax, after all our drugs become our friends, our lovers, our family, our entire life - it's hard to let them go. Even though their single un wavering motive is to strip away everything we love, everything we have and then kill us.

    I guess, I'm trying to do to much to fast, lose weight, exercise, AND stop smoking? grrrrrrr

    Sorry for the long post, and I wish I had a specific question but I really don't, just felt the need to connect and share.

    Peter

  • #2
    You needed to post bucause you needed to connect with people you think care. Well, Peter you post all you want because we do care. I wanted to help on this forum because I wanted to provide suppport to people, something I have been able to do in my own life.
    I love the addict in my life but I am powerless to help someone who does not want it. Anything I can do for any of you,from my pc, you have it.
    Lauren
    ~Lauren~



    support? Isn't it time to give some back?
    Ask a mod how today.

    Comment


    • #3
      Hi Peterlock,

      I've always found the principles of 12 steps to work for me too, except when it came to smoking. I even quit my favorite AA meeting 15 years ago when they made it nonsmoking! I went back, but for a while my smoking seemed more important than my sobriety. Funny how I didn't see the red flag there

      I started Atkins the first time in Aug. of 2003. I lost 50 pounds and decided to quit smoking in Jan. 2004. I had heard a lot about a book by Allen Carr and picked it up to read after Christmas. On New Year's Eve while my DH was working, I was sitting there, reading this book and puffing like a chimney. Allen was himself a 3 pack a day smoker at one time so I figured he at least knew what it was like right? Plus, he kept stressing in the book "do not stop smoking while you read this," which was great because I wouldn't have read it otherwise LOL.

      I want you to know I'm skeptical by nature. Sometimes I'm even a little jaded, so I really didn't expect any results with this book. I figured I'd be able to belittle it in some manner, especially when I saw how short it was. Allen Carr is repetitive. He's no novelist and if you were to grade his style, it would be a "C" at best (kind of like my own run on sentences LOL), but know something? The book changed my life. I knew even before I finished I was ready to quit. My excuses, my fears were lying at my feet in little pieces. For the first time in my life I believed I could actually quit, and I did. Quitting smoking was easier than quitting caffeine (something I had done 5 years previously) and was certainly easier than quitting drinking. The first couple of days I grieved, and I think I spent the first day crying a lot, but there was no pain, no anxiety. And even though I grieved, there was no urge to smoke... it was just an emotional cleansing. I haven't had a serious urge to smoke in over a year.

      There is a second part to this story. A couple months after quitting smoking I was feeling very tired all the time and I was finding it difficult to care about anything except wanting to sleep. Because I'm hypothyroid I went to the Dr. thinking my thyroid meds were off and he suggested I was depressed. I didn't think I was so I left without any resolution. A few weeks latter I couldn't stand myself and went to another Dr., saying again I thought my thyroid meds were off so he did tests. Sure enough, my TSH came back pretty high, higher even than when I was first diagnosed years ago. I wasn't taking enough thyroid. I told him I had quit smoking in January and he explained that those years smoking artificially rased my metabolism, so I probably had been under medicated for a while, just didn't realize it until the nicotine was gone.

      What followed were a few months of trying to tweak my meds, to get me back on an even keel. During this time, Easter came along and I wallowed in Cadbury Eggs because chocolate was the one thing that made me happy. I spent the rest of the year living on some form of chocolate, half heartedly trying Atkins a couple times again, but overall not really caring. I was feeling sorry for myself because I had done a good thing (quitting smoking) and I was being punished for it (thyroid problems). Instead of riding it out I gave in to my childish petulance and sabotaged my new WOE. It wasn't even a smoking issue, although I tried to make it that. It was my own insecurities and lack of commitment that did me in.

      At Christmas this year I took a hard look at myself and didn't like what I saw. I had gained my 50 pounds back, plus 10 more. I felt miserable all the time, my reflux was back with a vengeance and I was getting anxiety attacks because I felt so out of control and had all sorts of mysterious pains in my chest and stomach. The Dr. prescribed a low dose of xanax which I've never taken, and I decided to fight it out. I got back on the Atkins wagon, and have been toughing out the anxiety attacks. They're getting better but for a while I was very miserable. I tend to get a little agoraphobic (I work from home) so sometimes driving somewhere causes a little angst, but I'm feeling a lot like my old healthy self again. I expect as we get in to spring and put the winter behind, I'll be doing very well.

      I apologize for such a very long post but I wanted to give you the whole picture, plus I'm finding it's a little cathartic. I've never admitted I was a petulant, impatient brat before who wants things my way. When they're not or when things are outside my comfort zone, I fall in to the anxiety trap and make excuses to feed it (literally with chocolate at times!).

      Peter, for yourself and for the love of your partner, please consider reading Allen Carr's "Easy Way to Stop Smoking." My paperback copy was around $8. If you can't afford it I'll send you a copy, I feel that strongly about it. Just PM me. Allen Carr is an English author and is better known in Europe than he is here in the States, so I've included the Amazon.UK reviews in the links. You'll see the B&N reviews are from an older revision of his book, but the newer revision is out and it's basically the same. There aren't as many reviews tied to the newer release yet. I always wondered why they didn't combine reviews when a book goes in to a newer revisions? It's the same book!

      Anyway give these a read. You'll find them more compelling than I ever could be (and the reviews, along with knowing others who had used the book, were what sold me!):

      Amazon.com UK Allen Carr's Easy Way to Stop Smoking 311 reviews

      Barnes & Noble Easy Way to Stop Smoking (older edition) 161 reviews

      Barnes & Noble Easy Way to Stop Smoking Revised and Updated Edition 19 reviews
      Female/45/5'5
      283/202/150

      Comment


      • #4
        Peter,
        The best thing I can suggest is to decide that your life and health are worth it, pick a date to quit, and start making preparations now. Quitting smoking and doing atkins together is a great idea as having stable blood sugar is a good thing while you are going through withdrawals.

        My initial motivation for quitting was so I could grow old with my DH. Why not go ahead and make up a list of reasons to quit? It can really help, especially if you put it next to a list of reasons not to quit.
        ~ Elleth
        Baby Talk Zone

        40/f 5'5" Start 10/18/2003 - 180/133.0/125
        My Diet Progress | Read my Blog



        Comment


        • #5
          Boy can I relate, not so much to your post, but to Sean, your partners feelings. I am the mother of an alcoholic . She has been sober for 3 years. But before that, everytime the phone rang, I was sure it was someone going to tell me my daughter was dead as there were so many car accidents and so many suicide attempts and watching the pain she was in and not being able to help.
          I could beg, I could *****, I could cry, but its something that only she could do and in my heart I knew the begging and the ******** and the crying wasn't really helping her at all. And it damn sure wasn't helping me.
          But, you kick the drugs and the alcohol and the coke and smoking will be next. So,my love to Sean, and to all our the significant others and mothers and fathers and lovers out there who watch and pray for a different kind of tomorrow..



          41 pounds down and counting

          If you don't know where you are going, you will wind up somewhere else. - Yogi Berra

          Comment


          • #6
            Hi Goin2Bgood :wave

            Thank you so much for your kind response and sharing your story.

            We're pretty much in the same boat in the sense I too lost weight on Atkins many years ago, 40 pounds, drifted off course and have not only gained back the 40 but my body made friends with an extra 30. I imagine it did this to keep the 40 company.

            Feeling unhealthy has just gotten so overwhelming that I knew I had to do something. Hence, back on Atkins and already feeling better. It's interesting how many people find their Gastric Reflux disappears while on Atkins. Mine was terrible, it was really at the point where sleep was next to impossible if I was to lay flat so I always had to have a bunch of pillows stacked behind me. About 3 - 4 weeks, one day it just disappeared..poof! gone. No more gallons of Mylanta and handfuls of Pepcid.

            As for the chocolate - those Cadbury eggs are scrumptious. Chocolate which you already know makes your body produce endorphins I often have heard it said that chocolate gives you the same feeling as being in love. I suppose if there's one thing I miss it's the chocolate, although the low carb brand....I think it's called Indulge I remember being quite good. But for now I've eliminated all sweets so I can tame those craving monsters. So lets not even think about those creamy..splenid Cadbury eggs, or chocolate that melts in your mouth...be it semi dark or dark. We can;t discuss not even of a moment the feeling of unwrapping those cocoa jewels and devouring them...I'm being cruel! So I'll stop.

            Moving on to something more upbeat like...Anxiety!

            it's a terrible thing and I think like any depressive disorder unless you've experienced it it's impossible to understand the feeling. I get anxious just going to the market or going anyplace for that matter. My Mom was Agoraphobic for many years, and I think there's a genetic connection there as I suffer from it as well - although not to the severe degree she had. So I take my clonopin and have pretty much resigned myself that being on a Benzo is something that's not negotiable for me, much like the Celexa (anti depressant) I take. I think it's really great you're able to manage your anxiety without meds, that takes courage...do you have any to spare?

            As for the book, I'll pick it up and read it...will it give the motivation to quit? I don't know...I do know that no addict or drunk that's an oxymoron I guess because they're one and the same. But anyway none of get well unless we want to. That's the Irony for me the right side of my brain says "are you nuts? stop smoking immediately" - the left side says Don't listen to that bafoon, have a cigarette!

            There's a Barnes and Nobel very close to my home, I'll pop my clonopin, waddle to the car and pick up a copy. Thanks for the great post and recommendation. I'll let you know if I can somehow manage to stop supporting the Big Tobacco companies, which liberal that I am should be reason enough.

            Peter

            Comment


            • #7
              I was so certain I'd never stop smoking I had just written myself off to getting lung cancer eventually. I didn't even really want to quit. I only read the book because other people on Atkins swore by it (different board) and they were still smoke free after months.

              Anxiety does suck doesn't it? it's something I first went through about 7 years ago.. it was diagnosed when we went to emergency because I was sure I was having a heart attack. Even after it was diagnosed, we hit emergency a couple times, sure they were wrong. I went to a group session on anxiety where my DH would have to bring me then sit outside the door the whole time, I couldn't stand to be there otherwise. Except for those group sessions I never left home either. I'd get panic attacks at the store, at church, at my Mom's, where ever.

              The group sessions helped. Because of them I was able to talk to others who had the same reactions I did to things, and learned with them how to beat it. I think it was a couple years before I felt (for lack of a better word) "normal" again, so when it hit again over Christmas I was more angry than anything. It didn't even occur to me it was a panic attack I was having, I thought OMG, I've gained all this weight back and now I'm having a real heart attack-only to find nothing wrong. As soon as that happened I knew exactly what it was.

              As far as I can figure, it's happening again because I feel my life is out of control (as well as job stress) and I'm allowing myself to fall in that trap. At first I'd have to pull over 2 or 3 times while picking my son up from school, I'd freak if I was stuck in a middle lane between other cars, and no way could I be on the interstate, I felt like I was going to pass out. Going to the store was difficult again, and sweating bullets at the checkout is embarrassing LOL. Now I can go on the interstate, but sometimes I have to roll all the windows down, the cold winter air forces me to breath. I haven't had to pull over lately and if I start getting anxious I just somehow remind myself it's happened before and I haven't dropped dead yet. The store is pretty good again too but you know how it is. At odd times these things can reach out and grab us

              I don't think you're trying to do too much too quickly at all. Losing weight, exercising, and quitting smoking go hand in hand to a healthier and happier you, if that's what you want. I don't think she posts here anymore, but there was one member named Brook who quit smoking the same day she started Atkins (Hers was the first post I had read on Allen Carr). She's done very well at both and I figured if she could do it, I sure could do it too. And I'm not lying to you in any way when I claim that quitting smoking was a cake walk compared to some of the other crap I've quit or dealt with in my life. I bought in to all this rhetoric on how hard quitting smoking was, and how miserable I'd be. For goodness sakes, no wonder not more people quit. We're brainwashed in to thinking it should be awful experience and it's really not. But I know for a fact I wouldn;t have been able to do it without reading that book. It prepared me mentally as well as emotionally.
              Female/45/5'5
              283/202/150

              Comment


              • #8
                I'm *so* glad that other's found the same book I did and it helped them too!

                :wave goin2Bgood!!

                Allen Carr's book was my ticket to smoking freedom. I'm sneaking up on my 3rd Atkinsaversary & Quitting smoking anniversary. It's true - I started Atkins & quit smoking the same day.

                I won't lie. The first 3 days were hellish, but I don't know if that was more because of Induction Flu or quitting smoking or both. Here's what I do know : I'm not sorry and it was worth all of it.

                Allen Carr made quitting smoking pretty painless for me. Seriously, Peter, pick up the book. All it'll cost you is less than 3 packs of smokes & a bit of time.

                I wish you success in all that you do!
                ~Brook

                My Melting Page: A Picture Diary and Misc Other Stuff


                Highest Weight: 243lbs

                Atkineer since May 2002!!

                *****************************************


                General rule of thumb for success: If it requires a degree in chemical engineering to pronounce it, you probably shouldn't eat it.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Brook,
                  Welcome to the forum and the Atkins BB. Your pictures are wonderful.
                  ~Lauren~



                  support? Isn't it time to give some back?
                  Ask a mod how today.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Nice to meet you too, Laurenfra

                    I'm old hat around here- but haven't been around in about a year and a half. It's fantastic to see how much this board has grown!!

                    Thank you very much for the welcome & the compliment!!!!

                    ~Brook

                    My Melting Page: A Picture Diary and Misc Other Stuff


                    Highest Weight: 243lbs

                    Atkineer since May 2002!!

                    *****************************************


                    General rule of thumb for success: If it requires a degree in chemical engineering to pronounce it, you probably shouldn't eat it.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Well, this isn't for everyone, but getting pregnant with my first child is what got me to quit smoking I had really bad morning sickness throughout my whole pregnancy and couldn't stand to be around cigarettes. I'm glad the morning sickness lasted so long, because I think that's the only reason I was able to give up smoking. Once I gave birth the cravings came back, but since it had been so long since I had had a smoke, it was manageble.

                      EDIT

                      *This Overcoming Addictions thread has been closed due to extended absence of owner. Please feel free to private message any compliments and/or comments to the original poster. If you are the owner and would like to revive your Overcoming Addictions thread please PM the forum mod or an Admin.
                      Last edited by sillygirl; April 10, 2007, 12:42 PM.
                      -Cynthia (CeeDee)

                      F/32/5'5"
                      Back to Atkins - 1/24/05
                      HW 257/SW 241/CW 228/GW 150?

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