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Hi Folks, :wave
4 AM and I was already awake, on my second cup of green tea and feeling anxious.
Yesterday was the unveiling of Grandfathers headstone, it's hard to believe it's been almost a year since he died, the rain was coming down in sheets and as much as I wanted to pay my respects I dreaded seeing so many people who hadn't seen me this heavy, I dreaded the drive.
I was desperate for a cigarette and it wasn't even 5 AM
Cars are one big 55 mile per hour nicotine trigger for me - and this was a long drive, alone. It was a very long, but smoke free drive.
The service was beautiful, brief, just family - no Rabbi. The stone was beautiful as well and the worry and apprehension I felt about my weight seemed selfish and vain. This day wasn't about me ~ and I was determined not to let it become one in my brain.
The rain had let up and I lingered behind while everyone piled into their cars and drove off.
It felt good to be there, peaceful and quiet, close to my Grandfather again.
I also knew that having fought what had really been the single worst and longest craving for a cigarette since my quit ~ that I had won. I really was smoke free.
My Grandfather lived till 104 and right up to the end was sharp as a tack. Not the feeble old man you might imagine, but a vibrant, smart and creative soul.
On his head stone, like all head stones it listed the year of his birth and death 1899 - 2004 I thought a lot about his life that day and even more about that little dash they put between the years of our birth and that of our death.
And as they so often say, because none of us are getting out of here alive - I thought about that dash a great deal on the long ride home...and I thought about addictions and what they steal from our lives.
Addiction only pulls those two dates that get chiseled into our headstones closer together. Now you would think that, that alone was the worst of it but it's not.
Addiction robs you of life while your still breathing - because death doesn't always mean being literally dead and buried. Death comes in different ways too - like slavery. Being a slave to a substance any substance where control over your life and the choices you make are dictated by addiction.
Addiction robs you of life long before you pass on.
Regardless of how long or short that dash is between our birth and our death is irrelevant really. What matters is that we live on our own terms and according to our own core values - and that simply can't be done when you're an addict.
So if you're reading this and you're fighting an addiction, you just may want to think about that little dash and how you want to spend the rest of it.
Peter
ha
4 AM and I was already awake, on my second cup of green tea and feeling anxious.
Yesterday was the unveiling of Grandfathers headstone, it's hard to believe it's been almost a year since he died, the rain was coming down in sheets and as much as I wanted to pay my respects I dreaded seeing so many people who hadn't seen me this heavy, I dreaded the drive.
I was desperate for a cigarette and it wasn't even 5 AM
Cars are one big 55 mile per hour nicotine trigger for me - and this was a long drive, alone. It was a very long, but smoke free drive.
The service was beautiful, brief, just family - no Rabbi. The stone was beautiful as well and the worry and apprehension I felt about my weight seemed selfish and vain. This day wasn't about me ~ and I was determined not to let it become one in my brain.
The rain had let up and I lingered behind while everyone piled into their cars and drove off.
It felt good to be there, peaceful and quiet, close to my Grandfather again.
I also knew that having fought what had really been the single worst and longest craving for a cigarette since my quit ~ that I had won. I really was smoke free.
My Grandfather lived till 104 and right up to the end was sharp as a tack. Not the feeble old man you might imagine, but a vibrant, smart and creative soul.
On his head stone, like all head stones it listed the year of his birth and death 1899 - 2004 I thought a lot about his life that day and even more about that little dash they put between the years of our birth and that of our death.
And as they so often say, because none of us are getting out of here alive - I thought about that dash a great deal on the long ride home...and I thought about addictions and what they steal from our lives.
Addiction only pulls those two dates that get chiseled into our headstones closer together. Now you would think that, that alone was the worst of it but it's not.
Addiction robs you of life while your still breathing - because death doesn't always mean being literally dead and buried. Death comes in different ways too - like slavery. Being a slave to a substance any substance where control over your life and the choices you make are dictated by addiction.
Addiction robs you of life long before you pass on.
Regardless of how long or short that dash is between our birth and our death is irrelevant really. What matters is that we live on our own terms and according to our own core values - and that simply can't be done when you're an addict.
So if you're reading this and you're fighting an addiction, you just may want to think about that little dash and how you want to spend the rest of it.
Peter
ha
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