Self-image and motivation

[Twilight]

I wonder... if we see overselves differently than everyone else sees us. I know that some people, people with eating disorders, think they are fat when they aren't. I know I'm overweight. To me, it's the most obvious thing in the world. The scale, the tape measure, clothing sizes... they all say so with resounding force. But it's like my friends don't even notice. Today, I went shopping with 2 of my friends. And I tried on some sweaters and stuff. I thought I looked horrible in everything. I felt bulge-y and like I had to stand up really tall and hold everything in to not look completely terrible. But my friend Michelle kept saying how great everything looked. And at one point she told me she thought I should be a model. Here is this 5'8" or so girl, who wears a size XS, telling me I should be a model. I sort of scoffed at her and wondered if she needed glasses. I mean, I know we are our own toughest critics, but that was ridiculous.


Have any of you ever felt like maybe your self-image is way different from what everyone else sees? Or even that some people are just really oblivious?


Oh, and the motivation part: I found a sweater that I really liked. It's bright orange and really fun. But the store only had one left, and it was a couple sizes too small. I bought it anyway. And now, I look forward to someday, hopefully soon, fitting into that sweater.

[2big4mysize]

Re: Self-image and motivation

everybody has different tastes and standards by which they measure things like beauty which is why the famous statement beauty is in the eye of the beholder is so true. Obviously yours is very different then your friends.

[Elizellen]

Re: Self-image and motivation

Oh, and the motivation part: I found a sweater that I really liked. It's bright orange and really fun. But the store only had one left, and it was a couple sizes too small. I bought it anyway. And now, I look forward to someday, hopefully soon, fitting into that sweater.

Great motivational tool, Twilight!
I did the same a year ago and bought a leather coat on sale at halfprice which wouldnt button up (a 4 inch gap)!
It is now too big!! A good thing the place I bought it from does alterations!

[Jerrica]

Re: Self-image and motivation

Twilight it is hard to see ourselves as others do. I struggle with that all the time. I feel so different than my friends and for years I have dwelled so much on my fat that it kept me from doing things that I enjoy. Please try not to miss out on life because of your own self image. Have fun!!! live life!!! It has taken me about 7 years to know that my friends and family love me and want me to participate no matter how much I weigh. I think it is great that you bought a shirt that you loved even though it is too small. It shows that you are dedicated to your weightloss.

[Stephie_K]

Re: Self-image and motivation

Well hunni... I can tell you that my whole life none of my friend's ever realized I was much heavier then they were. Most of the time your personality reflects who you are and how people will view you. I have been heavy my whole life and not many people have commented it when I got older. Everyone has always been in wonder why I never was without a boyfriend or why I had so many friends. That is because I refused to let anyone see me weak. But now I want to be healthy for me and only me.

No matter what hold your head high... and when someone compliments you just say "thank-you" and nothing else... say that a few times and I swear it will get easier.

[Twilight]

Re: Self-image and motivation

Hey Steph! Thanks for the advice, and welcome to the forum!

[Lyssie]

Re: Self-image and motivation

I've had that image my whole life, I have always been a yo-yo kinda girl, and when I was 18, I was at 145 for a while but I still viewed myself as being huge. People never really noticed that I was as fat as I am, I think the height helps, but even now my mom, BF and most of my friends all say I have a completely distorted self-image. I see people and I *know* that I'm fatter than they are, but nobody else sees that.

[Lady_Hawke]

Re: Self-image and motivation

what a thought inspiring post.

Good for you Twilight for buying yourself that sweater - I am sure you will be wearing it in no time!

My self image flip flops - when I walk around feeling good about myself, thinking to myself "I am beautiful" my self image is of a much thinner me and I am always shocked to the core when I catch a glimps of my reflection in a window or mirror.
Yet when men flirt with me I never take it seriously, I think "yeah right" or that they are making fun of me.
My friends say I put the "fat" lable on myself that they look at me and just see me for me. That to them it doesn't matter what I weigh they love me for who I am on the inside.

Thanks for making me think this morning. I always enjoy your posts.

[julirama723]

Re: Self-image and motivation

I agree with Stephie--it has a lot to do with personality. I've been bigger most of my life, but most people I know don't see me as "fat." I think it's because I have energy, I'm active, I like being outdoors, and I'm not unattractive--meaning that they see fat as something negative and stereotypical, and they don't see negativity or stereotypes when they look at me. Perhaps they think people who are fat can't be pretty, or energetic. Fat is a bad word to a lot of people, a put-down, rather than just weighing more or being bigger. I see fat as just a descriptive word, like blond, funny, tall, German, fat; something that describes a person, NOT what a person embodies or represents.

Beauty comes in many shapes, sizes, and forms. NOT just size 2!

[Esteliana]

Re: Self-image and motivation

Wow, this is a wonderful thread. I'm surprised that not more people responded to this, but I can completely agree with everything that everyone has been saying. I used to tell myself that I was fat all the time to my ex and my friends, and they would shoot back at me saying that I wasn't fat at all. But, I see it every single time I sit down, when I eat, when I look at myself in the mirror. I feel as if they're lying to me, but then I realize, that I do hold my weight pretty well, so it's not all that noticable that I am overweight. The only one that has actually critiqued my weight and the way I ate, in the most OFFENSIVE way possible is my jerk friend and that was some harsh reality, especially now since he's obsessed with eating healthy because of his dad going through a quadruple bypass.

And I think that we should be losing our weight for ourselves, not for anyone else. If that person will like you, then awesome, but if that person doesn't like you, then they will never be able to see how amazing of a person you truly are.

People are so obsessed with image and narrowminded that they choose their friends by how they look. I'm not saying that everyone does this, but a lot of people do this and it's not right. Who cares if the person is overweight, they're still a great person inside and that's what really counts. But all the superficial people wanting only to be friends with the hottest guys and hottest girls realize eventually they have picked the wrong friends because they can be so fiendishly evil. Their veiw, of course is very distorted for a while, but once everyone gets older, I think they realize how stupid they were back in Junior HIgh, High School, and even college.

Just my 2 cents.

[Angel_Eyes18]

Re: Self-image and motivation

What you guys are experiencing with this "Everyone says im not fat but I feel like it" I forget the "teccy" word for it but its an image disorder. As the generations start to grow up, more and more teen girls and guys are having this problem.

I have it... its horrible.

Don't get me wrong, I would never call someone fat for sheer hatred on my part. But I see these girls at my school everyday wearing clothes that are really nice but "not trying to be mean" they don't look good on them cause of their weight. I think to myself why can't I wear those kinds of clothes I am skinnier then they are and I won't let myself do that.

I hide behind clothes all day at school, hoodies, jeans, t-shirts. I haven't worn something THAT I truely feel sexy or cute in. Its horrible.

[Nightporter]

Re: Self-image and motivation

Hello,

Sometimes 'friends' do lie. People will say "You're not fat" and yaddada yaddada... But then you hear them whispering behind your back, or through the grapevine that they think you really ARE fat and ugly. It is hard to determine who you can trust... But as of now my opinion is all that matters, and I shouldn't ask others if I am too fat or thin... If people actually voluntarily come up to me and tell me I am getting thinner, then I may think I'm making some progress...

Most overweight people think they look worse then they actually do. And being surrounded by pompous skinny-minny's doesn't help matters either. Chances are, most people don't notice anyway.

... But still, Congrats to everyone who wants to make a difference!

-N-

[-FOXY-]

Re: Self-image and motivation

This is a great thread! I notice that sometimes when I am dropping weight sometimes I will analyze myself in the mirror, and think I actually look bigger than before? I think it has alot to do with not being as comfortable with my new body. I notice I lose weight not very uniformly....I seem to lose from the top down. I will take pictures in the mirror with the digital camera, just because I seem to believe that a photo is more realistic than my own eyes looking in the mirror.....then I will walk by a window and catch myself and think my reflection looks to thin to be me?! I wonder if my self image really has yet to catch up to my weight loss!

[Super30's]

Re: Self-image and motivation

Everything you guys said is sooo true. The mind is also very powerfull and sometimes when I am having a "slim" day then I feel sooo motivated, I eat 100% right & exercise even harder, but the very next day I can catch a glimps of myself in a store window and OMG! Then I cannot begin to understand what I was thinking the previous day!!! LOL

I believe we are our own biggest motivators (with the help of our minds). Besides - we are ALL getting smaller with Yippeee!!!!!!

[*Emma*]

Re: Self-image and motivation

Great Post!

I have the opposite disorder to everyone else, in a way anyway.... Ive found that ive always "thought" of myself as slimmer than i am, not thin, but not as big as I am, its when those photos get developed from a night out where i havent had chance to pose that i feel sick to my stomach at the sight of myself.

Its called Body Dysmorphic Syndrome - thats the word angeleyes was looking for i believe, I watched a documentary on it a few months back and i was surprised to see myself in lots of the people on there, but no where near as severe as they suffered.

Ive done Atkins before, as you can see in my signature below....that time i lost weight quickly and suddenly became very aware of myself, to be blunt, i freaked out, i couldnt deal with it when people started showing an interest in me, i'd suffered an attack when i was younger and i then realised that the reason i'd gain the weight was to make men not attracted to me, kind of a security blanket.

when i lost that weight i was still "fat" still way over 200lbs(brit size 16) though im tall (6ft) so i could hold it well, but i noticed people reacting to me differently i also noticed that where i was seeing myself as being slimmer before, i was seeing myself as being fatter this time round, i just think it takes lots of time to realise that we aint what we used to be - after all the majority of us have been overweight for a very long time.

but more on the subject of the OP,i know what you mean, theres a girl at work in the canteen who shouts at me everyday "will you stop that bloody diet, your beauiful, you dont need to lose any weight" I guess some people judge on personality yet theres some that cant help be narrowminded enough to judge on image.

Well done on buying that sweater! it will be a great motivation for you!

EDIT

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