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Hi everyone :wave Just wanted to post a cathartic post and wondering if anyone else is in my boat. The reason I haven't been a regular poster over here is because I have never wrapped my brain around the fact that I was once not just 100 lbs, but 150 lbs overweight.
I guess I lived in denial for so long. I knew I wasn't wearing those size 31 waist Legend jeans anymore (my fav pair in the skinny days), in fact I would take them out and stare at them wondering what tiny human wore those things. BUT I never really saw that I was very overfat and getting worse each month (thanks to elastic waist shorts/pants and my maternity shirts, getting fatter was not as detectable).
I finally forced myself to look in the mirror one day while sitting on the bed. Now THAT was an awful experience! I saw first my protruding "diabetic hump" then my giant "butt shelf" sticking out like it was waiting for potted plant. Then I forced myself to stare at the massive rolls of flesh that used to be a flat, enviable tummy. I stared at the unrecognizable mound of flesh and fat that used to be the woman that turned people's heads. I had to look at myself like that before it sunk in that I had become the very person I swore I would never be.
I know what I look like when I am thin and that motivates me, even though when I was thin, I would look at myself in the mirror and see a fat girl. I would never wear certain things as I thought they made me look huge (they didn't!). I never appreciated my thinness. Each 20 lbs I lose, I look more and more like that long lost gal. Many folks have never been thin and only have a blurry image of the person they will look like at goal. I admire those of you who are still going strong toward a goal they have never seen before, thus not sure they ever can get there. That's awesome.
I am 4 lbs from 100 lbs lost, but I can't really be happy about it, as I know when I get there, I will still have 47 lbs left to lose. I have difficulty rejoicing the 14 inches I have lost off that fleshy belly, as I can still grab a handful. This angers me, as it tells me that I am falling into the trap I was in when I was thin: never thin enough, never looking good enough, never looking as good as the size 2 crowd.
I am realizing that I need to work on my body image as much as, possibly more than, weight reduction. Especially now that the Atkins WOL is like second nature for me.
My goal at goal: Believe!
Thanks for your ear!
I guess I lived in denial for so long. I knew I wasn't wearing those size 31 waist Legend jeans anymore (my fav pair in the skinny days), in fact I would take them out and stare at them wondering what tiny human wore those things. BUT I never really saw that I was very overfat and getting worse each month (thanks to elastic waist shorts/pants and my maternity shirts, getting fatter was not as detectable).
I finally forced myself to look in the mirror one day while sitting on the bed. Now THAT was an awful experience! I saw first my protruding "diabetic hump" then my giant "butt shelf" sticking out like it was waiting for potted plant. Then I forced myself to stare at the massive rolls of flesh that used to be a flat, enviable tummy. I stared at the unrecognizable mound of flesh and fat that used to be the woman that turned people's heads. I had to look at myself like that before it sunk in that I had become the very person I swore I would never be.
I know what I look like when I am thin and that motivates me, even though when I was thin, I would look at myself in the mirror and see a fat girl. I would never wear certain things as I thought they made me look huge (they didn't!). I never appreciated my thinness. Each 20 lbs I lose, I look more and more like that long lost gal. Many folks have never been thin and only have a blurry image of the person they will look like at goal. I admire those of you who are still going strong toward a goal they have never seen before, thus not sure they ever can get there. That's awesome.
I am 4 lbs from 100 lbs lost, but I can't really be happy about it, as I know when I get there, I will still have 47 lbs left to lose. I have difficulty rejoicing the 14 inches I have lost off that fleshy belly, as I can still grab a handful. This angers me, as it tells me that I am falling into the trap I was in when I was thin: never thin enough, never looking good enough, never looking as good as the size 2 crowd.
I am realizing that I need to work on my body image as much as, possibly more than, weight reduction. Especially now that the Atkins WOL is like second nature for me.
My goal at goal: Believe!
Thanks for your ear!
ha
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