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What a weird day yesterday was from the TV interview and seeing (and of course critiquing somewhat harshly) yourself to the going to my new unit. That brings up the subject of my post. In going back to the Guard, I reopened a lot of old thinking patterns, a lot of stupid things from the last time I was in Guard. At the mention of PT tests, I start planning for success or even think how good it would be to pass the test this time. Instead, I started dreading the upcoming test. Why do you get stuck in old ways so quickly?
The same thing happened going through supply and getting measured for uniforms. I kept remembering going from Mediums to Larges to Extra Large uniforms, and the embarrassment that wearing ill-fitting uniforms brought. Having that running through my mind, I kept wanting to get larger than necessary clothes. Where was the guy who had confidence enough to Med swimtrunks a few weeks ago because he knew even though a bit tight they would fit well soon enough.
I at least recognized that I was messed up in my thinking before I went too far. That is the real point - just because your outward appearance shows one thing that does not mean inner parts have necessarily caught up. Not earth-shaking I know, but I needed to remind myself of it yesterday. I am not going back to be the same guy who had the problems the first time around.
The same thing happened going through supply and getting measured for uniforms. I kept remembering going from Mediums to Larges to Extra Large uniforms, and the embarrassment that wearing ill-fitting uniforms brought. Having that running through my mind, I kept wanting to get larger than necessary clothes. Where was the guy who had confidence enough to Med swimtrunks a few weeks ago because he knew even though a bit tight they would fit well soon enough.
I at least recognized that I was messed up in my thinking before I went too far. That is the real point - just because your outward appearance shows one thing that does not mean inner parts have necessarily caught up. Not earth-shaking I know, but I needed to remind myself of it yesterday. I am not going back to be the same guy who had the problems the first time around.
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