People treating you different

[LC_Dave]

I have definately experienced the wierdness of social interactiosn as the weight goes up and down.

When I got down to 264 pounds (on Weight Watchers) I was a lot more confident and the social interactions where changing. I was becoming... 'one of them'!
Women would talk to me (and grab my *** on the dance-floor - wierd!), and guys would talk to me more. It was easier to meet new people at a networking function for work.

But as I gained weight from 264 to 473 pounds, things started to change. I was the same person, but people changed. They stop responding to me, stopped listening, I became a bit of a social pariah.
One of the wierd things is that people remmeber me at shops I go to (probably because I was the biggest person there).

There actually (to me) seemed to be a sliding scale of correlation. Weight goes up, people's behavious/response goes does in a negative fashion.

That's hard on people's self-esteem!

[wayless]

Re: People treating you different

I can relate, Dave. I haven't gone "down" yet, but I used to weigh less (never been skinny, but this is the biggest I've ever been). It sucks knowing that most people don't REALLY want to be around you for YOU. It really sucks. It shouldn't matter what you weigh or what you look like, but it does, and it proves how superficial people are.

I'm lucky to have a husband who tells me I'm beautiful just about everyday--even at 300lbs. (I was around 240 when he met me). But I know that when the weight starts peeling off, people around me will begin to change, and that is frightening and quite honestly, it makes me very, very angry and disgusts me that people are so shallow. This has always been something that has bothered me for most of my life.

[TheLoser05]

Re: People treating you different

Oh I know exactly how that feels... when I first started working at the job I am now... there was this guy I worked with that I had a huge crush on. Well we could talk and have fun and joke when it was just us working... but then when it came to other people... he basically told me and I quote "You have a great personality... but you just... don't have the LOOK." meaning I was too fat. Yea that hurt immensly (sp?).

But like Wayless... I have found a man that loves me for me and is behind me 100% in whatever I do. So I am very lucky to have someone like that.

<3Stephie

[dreamof145]

Re: People treating you different

This has definitely been something that has been discussed numerous times. I can only speak for the changes that I've experienced. I realize that not all overweight people have low self esteem, but I did.

As I lost weight -- I also started focusing on my mental outlook. I started reading positive material, listening to positive people who'd succeeded in changing their mental images of themselves and their lives. I incorporated this into my life. The more I forced myself out of my comfort zone and took chances and made committments, the more I was accepted by others.

If I'd not lost weight and just started taking more risks, would it have been different? I don't know. But I do know that losing the weight has given me more confidence in myself and motivated me to make the changes. People respond better to me and I don't know if it is because I am more approachable or if it is because I have changed my appearance. I guess I will never know for sure, but I do know that I feel better about myself and don't spend as much time worrying about what others are thinking when they look at me. I am happier and I'm sure that shows in all the way I live and act and talk.

[wayless]

Re: People treating you different

dreamof,

I've read numerous articles about how overweight people are taken "less seriously," particularly in professional situations. I've seen lots of stuff in the media about how it's more difficult for overweight people to get promotions or leadership positions. And let's face it, it can be more difficult for overweight people to find romantic partners.

I agree with you that some changes might be because people are reacting to change's in a person's attitude/confidence after weightloss, but I think some of it is that people are just turned off by fat people. I've met some pretty nasty people who are popular because they are physically healthy and physically beautiful. We live in a society with some of the most rigid beauty standards in the world, and being thin is part of that beauty standard. It seems to follow that people would react somewhat negatively to people who appear unhealthy.

[LC_Dave]

Re: People treating you different

I agree with wayless!

I remember reading some studies (years ago) and teachers discriminating in class rooms. They should teachers different pictures and said who would be more trouble in class. Invariably the 'round' or 'chubby' faces were deemed the most troublesome kids.

I have no doubt that my weight has impacted me, via discrimination, in both professional and social arenas.

I know the impact deeply from my school years. No matter have thin you get, you can never wipe away the cruel torments that occur during those formative years. Those things have impacted on who I am today.

I've been past breaking point with those things, that you grow numb inside. Kinda like you would cry, if the tears weren't all dried up.

Okay, but I'm happy at the moment - don't get sad or anything!

[Becky Sue]

Re: People treating you different

What you all have written is all true. People did treat me different when I was much fatter. but.........you know I was so ashamed of myself, I would avoid others.

I even surprise myself, now I will march up to someone and start talking to them and I can tell they are happy to talk to me. so I know that i caused some of my reaction from other people. I can't blame them for everything, because I was setting them up to treat me badly. they treated me like I felt I needed to be treated. does this make sense?? Hope so.

I know the normal size people look down on heavy people. Even now, when I see someone that is really large, I want to cry, because I have been there and I see others look at them in judgement.

I used to say, I wish certain hateful slim people that have never seen a fat day in their life had to walk in my fat shoes for a day. They need to see how it feels. the stares, the whispers behind your back, the rude remarks. Then they might have some compassion instead of just judging.

Hey, i got started on this and bout couldn't stop.

[LC_Dave]

Re: People treating you different

I can't blame them for everything

That's true, but I would say the blame (or reason why) lies like this:

10 % Personal confidence

90 % weight Discrimination

Especially factoring in how weight discrimination affects your confidence as well.

[Momtofour]

Re: People treating you different

I am a very friendly person, and I noticed that people were sometimes cold to me. Now that I have lost weight these same types of people act interested in what I have to say. It's like if you are fat, then you must not be interesting. I love getting compliments from people about my weight loss, but it irks me when those who ignored me now comment on it.

[Isabeau]

Re: People treating you different

Great discussion. It's sad but true, eh? I think many of us have experienced all of these things.

[goin2Bgood]

Re: People treating you different

I never thought about it, but people talk to me more now. Especially guys, which is weird. It makes hubby laugh when random people start up conversations, but it freaks me out. I guess I had figured it was because I seemed happier, but maybe it's also because I'm not as big?

[slimndown]

Re: People treating you different

I heard Oprah say something that made sense to me. She said that everyone has issues that they are working on and most can be concealed really well, but when you are fat EVERYONE knows you have ISSUES and treat you accordingly. Some people think thay are issues of self-indulgence, some don't really care, and others are afraid to even approach a fat person because fat people can be really sensitive about it or other things (kind of how we all got here in the first place). Bottom line: When you're fat, it can be obvious you are uncomfortable with it and when you're uncomfortable with it - it's hard for anyone else to be comfortable with it. There are alot of shallow people out there who will always harbor a grudge if they ever knew you've been fat at any time - those are the REAL shallow ones. Yes, I've faced it too. It seems the bigger you are, the more people try to hide from you.

[jroche5998]

Re: People treating you different

Great discussion.

There are two aspects of this that have been brought up, personal and professional. I have thoughts on both.

1. Personal - I think so much of the increased interaction with people is purely a self-confidence/self-image thing. That's not to say that there isn't the purely superficial discrimination, because there absolutely is. But if you have enough belief in yourself to begin this weight loss journey, that projects outward in a big way. The subtle differences in your self-image makes you more approachable to other people. While I'm sure there is an improved attractiveness factor, I think the self-confidence that exudes from just feeling better about yourself trumps it all.

2. Professional - Everything said so far is right on the mark. And I think it boils down to this. Whether it's a conscious or unconscious thing, people think that if you can't take care of your own physical well being, how can you take care of more responsibility at work? While this may not seem right, at some level it makes sense. I think a relevant analogy is related to the oral health thing. I'm sure you've all seen the studies related to oral health (gum disease, etc.) being linked to heart disease and other issues. More than a simple hygiene thing, it's an attention to detail thing. If you don't take care of your oral health, it's unlikely that you would take care of your physical health in other ways. I'm not sure that makes sense to anyone but me, but that's a theory I've had for a while. And it all boils down to self-image and self-confidence. If you feel better about yourself, you will project that, to management and others, and promotions and increased responsibility will follow.

My two cents. (and I hope I didn't offend anyone, because no offense was meant)

[brittnyngc]

Re: People treating you different

I guess that I have been pretty lucky. I grew up in a small town where I have known everyone (almost literally) my entire life. And while I never was this heavy throughout school I was always bigger than everyone else. It wasn't until I moved and went off to college the fall of 04 that I noticed how differently people really treated me because I was heavier (part of that could be because i gained the freshman 5...along with 35 more pounds in 2 semesters).

[LOWCARBINCLEVELANDOH]

Re: People treating you different

I agree with everything everyone has said. Prejudice against the overweight is still acceptable. As a member of NAAFA (National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance) I fought it for years, until I noticed that people around me in the organization were dropping dead.

However....

I have actually found that being heavy can be a good thing...it weeds out the A-HOLES who decide that they only want to associate with perfect looking people! Seriously, if someone doesnt want to approach me because of the way I look...my feeling is KEEP TO STEPPIN!!!!

I ALSO notice that once I start a weight reduction plan, I notice the ridicule alot less. SOme of that is spiritual, and I won;t get into it here, but I really think you have a different air about you even when you just KNOW you are doing something.