People treating you different

[LC_Dave]

Re: People treating you different

I think someone's perspective on this matter could be coloured with how long they have had to endure this.

I reckon I've been overweight since about 7 years old, and quite frankly I've had enough of it.

Regardless of the reasons why people do this, why can some people be really open and receptive to us and others treat us as a pariah!

In other words - I think the behaviour can be 'explianed' and 'understood', but I don't find it 'excusable' at all!

(Sorry I'm ranting!)

[Analog6]

Re: People treating you different

I have always felt that fit people looked down on fat people becasue fo the lack of control thing. As jroche said, if you cannot control your life (read eating here) how can you control a job? There is some merit in this, but it does not excuse those who treat us with contempt.

As I put on another board, I once saw a lapel button which said "I may be fat, but you're ugly, and I can diet". People who judge others solely on their appearance are ugly inside, no matter how attractive they look.

I do agree with whoever said (sorry, couldn't find it again) that since they've been doing Atkins the insults slide off a bit more. Doesn't worry me anymore, I KNOW in 12 months I'll be in the land of the 'normal' - I'm not sure it's agood place, but I need it for my health.

[wayless]

Re: People treating you different

I disagree (respectfully) with those who have said that "there is merit" or "it makes sense" to the notion that because fat people don't take care of themselves, that reflects on how they might perform in other capacities.

No one is in absolute control. NO ONE. The fact is that it is just more OBVIOUS where fat people have little will power. But just because I don't have willpower against a piece of cheesecake doesn't mean I can't a decision in the boardroom. Those are two absolutely separate issues.

There are 1001 ways that people can indulge, and weight is but one. People smoke; spend too much; drink too much; do drugs; have ill-tempers; sexual compulsions; drive too fast; lie; cheat, and have eating disorders (i.e, bulimia and anorexia). Regardless if one suffers from any of the above, if you are thin, society is STILL more ready to overlook your weaknesses (look at Kate Moss and her cocaine scandal. Vogue just dedicated a special issue to her). Many, many of the actresses that are labeled "beautiful" and "desireable" are literally sick with anorexia or bulimia. Lyndsey Lohan just admitted to having been bulimic and using drugs, yet I bet her star power doesn't diminish. In fact, Hollywood and the public, in general seems to prefer you be SICK with anorexia or bulimia and THIN than stay fat! That's my humble observation and opinion.

I think society uses weight as an EXCUSE to single people out. It boils down to personal prejudices. If the anti-fat issue was really about one's lack of personal "control," then there would be a whole lot of other pariah's, but unfortunately, it seems only acceptable to "diss" big folks nowadays.

[LC_Dave]

Re: People treating you different

I disagree (respectfully) with those who have said that "there is merit" or "it makes sense" to the notion that because fat people don't take care of themselves, that reflects on how they might perform in other capacities.

No one is in absolute control. NO ONE. The fact is that it is just more OBVIOUS where fat people have little will power. But just because I don't have willpower against a piece of cheesecake doesn't mean I can't a decision in the boardroom. Those are two absolutely separate issues.

There are 1001 ways that people can indulge, and weight is but one. People smoke; spend too much; drink too much; do drugs; have ill-tempers; sexual compulsions; drive too fast; lie; cheat, and have eating disorders (i.e, bulimia and anorexia). Regardless if one suffers from any of the above, if you are thin, society is STILL more ready to overlook your weaknesses (look at Kate Moss and her cocaine scandal. Vogue just dedicated a special issue to her). Many, many of the actresses that are labeled "beautiful" and "desireable" are literally sick with anorexia or bulimia. Lyndsey Lohan just admitted to having been bulimic and using drugs, yet I bet her star power doesn't diminish. In fact, Hollywood and the public, in general seems to prefer you be SICK with anorexia or bulimia and THIN than stay fat! That's my humble observation and opinion.

I think society uses weight as an EXCUSE to single people out. It boils down to personal prejudices. If the anti-fat issue was really about one's lack of personal "control," then there would be a whole lot of other pariah's, but unfortunately, it seems only acceptable to "diss" big folks nowadays.

Right on!

You speak the words I think!

[jroche5998]

Re: People treating you different

Just to clarify. While I said "it makes sense", I wasn't saying I agree with it. I'm just saying that there could be an argument made for WHY someone might think that way. I'm not saying it's right or fair. All I'm saying is it absolutely exists, and maybe that is the "logical" reason whether conscious or more probably unconsciously that managers might overlook a heavier person for a promotion. I work for a very "old-school" financial company and I can count on one hand the overweight people in senior management. Right or wrong it's a fact. And maybe at some level it's part of my motivation to lose the weight.

But you are right there are many other indulgences that can be hidden. And society's focus on thinness is unhealthy. But at the same time whether to indulge any weakness is a choice. I'm gonna say somethig pretty inflammatory now, so I'll apologize in advance, and the only reason I feel I have the right to say it is I have been a superheavyweight. But unless medically caused, being fat is a choice. We control everything we put in our mouths. When we overeat we can only blame ourselves. The reason's we overeat whether they be emotional (which they usually are) or whatever are secondary. The final choice to move that fork to mouth is ours. If other people look down at us because we are "weak", fine let them. But you know what I never let that bother me. This plan has given me the power to overcome that "weakness" and for the first time in my life I am in control of what I put in my mouth. That empowerment is liberating. But I was NEVER happy with myself physically when I was fat, and I doubt seriously anyone who is fat is happy with themselves physically. I'm not saying there are not not very happy and content fat people, but if you ask them (which I hope nobody ever woiuld except maybe in the interest of science) I guarantee they are not happy with the way they are. And if people looked down at me because I chose to have a package of oreos and a half gallon of milk for dessert after a large pizza with a liter of sprite for dinner, you know what? Some hard introspection says maybe they are right.

So now I look at fat people differently as well. Not with contempt but with empathy. Because I've been there. And I just wish I could help make them feel how I feel right now. While I still have a lot of weight to lose, and I will never be "skinny", I no longer choose to be fat. And now, finally, I am in control, for the first time in my life, and for the rest of my life.

[wayless]

Re: People treating you different

Hey Jim,

I pretty agree with much of what you said, including the "choice" aspect of it, but of course, it still should NEVER be an excuse for people to treat others poorly. That's why I love the comedianne Mo'Nique. She is one of the most outspoken advocates of ACCEPTING people for who they are at the moment--not who they *might* be if they lost 10 or 100lbs.

[jroche5998]

Re: People treating you different

Wayless, thanks for understanding what I wrote.

but of course, it still should NEVER be an excuse for people to treat others poorly.

Excuses are just that, excuses, and as far as I'm concerned there are no good ones.

There are no good reasons to treat anyone poorly. But unfortunately it does happen, usually by people with their own insecurities.

[Bugaboo]

Re: People treating you different

Great discussion! I have the other side of the coin right now. There is a lady at the deli counter of the grocery store I've been going to for years that used to be really nice to me, as I lost weight her attitude changed. I was never rude or did anything to offend her. We never talked about weight or anything but now when she helps me she's cold for a lack of a better word. I dunno, it seems heavy people can be just as guilty for being rude to those who aren't heavy. I think it boils down to personality. I've never really cared what someone looks like as long as they weren't a mean spirited person. If someone was rude to me when I was heavy then I shrugged it off. Why do I care what some superficial jerk thinks of me. I think Jim really hit the nail on the head about people's insecurities. My husband and I went to a restaurant last month and the waitress would barely look or talk to me. Like I didn't exsist. Even my husband noticed it. It was so bizarre but there was something about me that really irked her. And yes, I was very very polite so we're still puzzled over that one. And I know I don't know her from anywhere. It didn't hurt my feelings or anything we were just confuzzled. lol!