Weight Discrimination

**Kate113** · January 23, 2006, 12:55 AM

Re: Weight Discrimination

Why is society so intolerant of obese people ?

Because from the time we're born, everyone is telling us what's good for us. As we get older, we see the models in the magazines depicted as perfect when in reality (and I'm sure not an expert) only a very small percentage of people are actually that thin. A person of average size cannot possibly wear those clothes...and I believe that "average" is a lot bigger than it used to be.

I've also been large my entire life and it's certainly no fun at all. I've never caught anyone staring at me, but I've heard the hurtful comments. I always try to look people in the eyes when talking to them, no matter what size they are because that is what I'd like them to do with me.

Our society is focused too much on looks when it should be focused on the inner beauty of people. Yes, we are all here to make our outer selves beautiful (or hunky gorgeous) by losing weight, but I suspect most of our reasons are for health purposes and not vanity.

People don't want to tolerate the obese, I think, because they are not aware of WHY some of us are obese. It can range from overeating to genetics. THEY don't take the time to think about those things. They simply assume that obese people are slovenly and equate them (us) to barnyard animals. It's such a shame that a lot of people won't take the time to get to know the person.

I think I've veered off topic so I'll stop now. I'm looking forward to seeing everyone's thoughts on this.

**dreamof145** · January 23, 2006, 01:19 AM

Re: Weight Discrimination

I don't think that your reaction to her appearance has anything to do with you judging her as a person. I know from my own experience, everywhere I went, I compared my size to that of everyone around me. The first thing I did when I walked into a store, meeting, or any type of gathering is start sizing everyone up to see where I fit in. I was usually the largest in the room.

Most of the time I'd tend to end up near the heavier people in the room because I felt more comfortable with them. I felt less threatened by them.

If this lady is someone that you only knew through telephone conversations or computer interaction, then it is not unusual for you to have already formed an opinion mentally of what you thought she'd look like. The first thing we have to go on when we meet people is the way they look, act, dress. That is why it is called first impressions.

Don't be too critical of yourself for having opinions of people. I think this is normal. Its when you let people's size, accent, color, religion or other differences interfer with the way we treat them that it becomes wrong.

This is just my thoughts on this subject.

**wayless** · January 23, 2006, 09:05 AM

Re: Weight Discrimination

The reality is that Western Culture is OBSESSED with weight and appearance. I think it's HOGWASH when people try to say it's all about health because it isn't. Weight boils largely down to sex appeal. And I'm serious. Men don't want to look at fat women, so LARGELY women want to be thin to appeal to men. Likewise, men want to be fit to appeal to the opposite sex. I think most of our OBSESSION with weight is purely asthetic. For no other reason. I've discussed it in another forum/thread, but if weightloss was really mostly about health, we'd be equally obsessed about so many other things, but the fact is our society isn't. Though weight is only one, tiny health issue we face daily, it draws the most ire.

Being overweight is socially unacceptable to the point that a SKINNY, but bulimic or anorexic woman is still considered "hot" and acceptable. We can't help but notice fat people because anti-"FAT" messages have been hammered into our subconscious daily through tens of thousands of images on television, print, clothing stores...everywhere we go. We can't escape it.

It is understandable that even we fat people get embarrassed when we see another fat person because we've all been taught that fatness is something to feel dirty and ashamed about. We are human and we react to the things that we've been cultured to. Much the same way we all react to an attractive person...we've been TAUGHT what is generally accepted as "beauty."

I, too, size myself up next to other people. I'm often the largest person around. When I see someone larger than myself, I often feel connected to that person. Knowing what they are going through, how others are looking at them and judging them. But then feeling sorry for them (and myself) for being in the state we are.

This natural, subconscious, socially-conditioned reaction to FAT people is why I think it's very, very dangerous for us to think we have some kind of moral high-ground to preach to another overweight person about their weight, as we lose ours. We suddenly feel less like "one of them" (the fat people), and move to the skinny end of the continuum, and then start looking at fat people like the "them." It's not right no matter which end of the spectrum we fall on, but I do think it's inevitable thanks to how we are socialized.

**brabea22** · January 23, 2006, 09:13 AM

Re: Weight Discrimination

It sounds to me like you were just having a clash between what you thought she would look like with her actual appearance.

I know what you mean about being emotionally beat down when you were young. I was treated horribly growing up, and it really became a stumbling block in my life. Even after getting therapy, I still have a lot of trouble dealing with or thinking about that time in my life.

I have caught myself thinking things when I see other big people. Usually something like "well, he's a big fella" or "she's a big girl" pop into my head when I see other people, but the thoughts aren't negative or discriminatory. It is almost like I am pointing out mentally people that I share a 'history' with. These are the people who know what it is like to live like I have lived, at least to a degree, so my mind consciously takes note of them when I see them. I guess that might be a little strange though.

**LOWCARBINCLEVELANDOH** · January 23, 2006, 11:32 AM

Re: Weight Discrimination

My question for you, LCDave, is how could you NOT notice how big she was? Noticing bigness is not size-ist at all.

It's what you do with it after you notice it.

It boils down to judgement. Did you adjust your thinking after meeting her to think of her as slovenly, dirty, out of control. When she calls you now, do you picture her with a bag of chips and cupcakes on her desk?

And even if she DOES have them on her desk, does it lessen her ability to perform her functions for you?

If your treatment of her changes because of her size, then you need to ask yourself some serious questions about whether or not you have an issue with sizism.

Sometimes, in the past, I have shyed away from larger people. Part of it is my own fear. When I would see people who were extra super heavyweight I would be afraid that I looked like them and that I could somehow "catch it." It was because I was so afraid of myself. It wasn't about that person at all.

I finally came to grips with this by immersing myself in a group of large, wonderful folks. IN America, we have a group called NAAFA, (National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance) I joined it and got to know alot of "superheavyweights" (I'm talking about 600, 700 lb. folks) and found out that they are exactly like us, with the same wants, needs, hopes and dreams. Many of the people I met were housebound, except for the monthly activity that they would attend. Part of the reason they were housebound was because they had bought into what the world said about them and were too uneasy to be seen in public.

BY some means, I guess I am lucky. I throw myself out on a stage in musicals and sing and dance without an ounce of shame. and think nothing of wearing a swimsuit at the pool at the Y. WHen someone sees me, I know that they are see ing the fatness. It is part of who I am. I am also so many other things. If people don't stick around to find out what those things are, I am just lucky to no longer have to deal with A-holes.

So don't feel guilty about just noticing that someone is large, or another color, or different than you expected. As long as you have eyes, you will notice. But don't stop treating them the way you always have. Maybe YOU are the example they need to see to save themselves.

I have a great respect for the Century Club Members. We all have a long road and different issues than many folks on this board have. I am glad to be able to discuss these kinds of issues.

**changing** · January 23, 2006, 01:42 PM

Re: Weight Discrimination

Good for you, Sharron!

I used to be really ashamed of my body, of my weight, of my fat. Then I went on my honeymoon last May in Disney World, staying at the Carribean Beach Resot... one afternoon my husband and I wanted to go swimming in one of the pools. There were 5 people there, none visibly overweight, one woman who looked like a model and had a 6-pack. It was miserably hot and I really wanted to go swimming. So I sat down at the table and had a drink and considered my options. Well a few minutes later, I ripped the towel from my thick waist, marched over to the pool, and waded right in. To

with everyone else! That day was a real turning point for me.

No one should have to make excuses for their size!
It's not a sin to be overweight!

And when a person chooses to diet and exercise for their health instead of some societal standard, that is when it will truly work and truly benefit them.

Good luck to all of you!

**hey_nelson** · January 23, 2006, 01:48 PM

Re: Weight Discrimination

Dave, I have been overweight most of my life. When I was in 8th gr. I can remember my mother driving me home from school one day and pointing out a large woman walking down the street. She also told me I would look like that if I kept eating like I was. Now, I had been 'fat' and had been teased by classmates and did not like it. But I'm ashamed that I too, at that moment thought 'terrible things' about that woman who was walking down the street. Heck, at least she was walking and getting exercize.

Today, when I am walking and I get a glimpse of myself I see that same woman with my face. Heck, at least I'm walking and getting the exercize.

My point is, my mother and grandmother passed this on to me. My inner circle of family. Yes, society was out there and was also making fun of me. But I received my taste of it from my mom. Sad to say.

There are many other reasons why I packed on my weight and I'm dealing with those as I go through life. I love a man who is homebound because of his weight. Society is cruel ! I can't change it, I can only change me.

love and prayers
patty

**LC_Dave** · January 23, 2006, 03:10 PM

Re: Weight Discrimination

Thanks for replying everyone,

To answer your question it didn't change the way I deal with her. Weight has nothing to do with how smart or efficient you are at desk jobs afterall!

I thought avout this later, and I believe part of my panic was related to my own issues. I've lost 86 pounds, but maybe being around this girl brought to home my before weight, and just how in denial I was ?

I think it was an irrational fear about me, that had nothing to do with her.

I don't treat people in a discriminatory way anyways, I treat them on the quality of their heart!

**softnred** · January 23, 2006, 03:48 PM

Re: Weight Discrimination

Originally posted by dreamof145

I know from my own experience, everywhere I went, I compared my size to that of everyone around me. The first thing I did when I walked into a store, meeting, or any type of gathering is start sizing everyone up to see where I fit in. I was usually the largest in the room.

Most of the time I'd tend to end up near the heavier people in the room because I felt more comfortable with them. I felt less threatened by them.

I'm the same way, Becky. Exactly the same.

**slimndown** · January 23, 2006, 04:11 PM

Re: Weight Discrimination

This is the way I see it: We try to shy away from the obvious problems none of us can help with by trying to pretend it's not there. What if she was a normal woman - or any one of us - who walked in with a booger on her nose??? There are some of us that stare, some of us that try not to look, most never say a word and some are concerned/polite/rude enough to bring it to attention. Being really overweight is like having a booger on your nose. It's just as obvious, but it's awkward because no one can tell you to fix it so you're not embarrassed with the next person you see. Pretending not to notice and not mentioning anything is about as polite as someone can be with that.

**sombersusie** · January 23, 2006, 05:19 PM

Re: Weight Discrimination

i found this link that i thought might fit in here.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060111/..._fat_attitudes

Announcement

Weight Discrimination

Weight Discrimination

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