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Hello Centaurians!
It's almost been a year since I was an active member here. There are so many new handles. I don't know if anyone remembers me. I see a few familiar handles like Mother Nature, Discolemonade and Katlam.
Last year on June 28th I had lost 73lbs with the Atkins WOE. My energy was up, I was going to the gym regularly and I was feeling very powerful. I was at 243 and was heading toward my dream of weighing less than 200 lbs. A weight that I have not seen since High School and I am 42.
But in June I got cocky. I decided I didn't need so much support. People around me were asking if I had to eat "like that" forever. I slowly started adding in my own brand of low carbing until I could no longer call it Atkins. I still maintained my weight although I did not lose.
November of 2005 hit and I hit a period of emotional stress that I had never experienced before. I could have handled a bad relationship, the car dying, or going negative in my checking account, but this new thing...wow, it threw me for a loop. I sought comfort and escape in sugary, carby foods. I felt like I DESERVED ice cream to make up for the trying situation. I felt that I deserved fries because life was so hard and I ate them. I am still eating them and I have gone back up to a tight size 24 from wearing 20-22. My thinner clothes are not fitting. I am tired all the time again. My knees hurt and swell again. I have trouble sleeping again and I have not exercised in months. I have no idea how much I weigh now because I am scared to weigh....
I realize that a part of me is scared to lose the weight. There is a quote that says our greatest fear is that we are powerful beyond our imagination. Powerful beyond my imagination is scary to a person like me who loves the background. Also, a part of me wants to hang on to the instant "gratification" of sugar, potatoes and bread. But most of me wants to be a healthly, vibrant woman who can run with my future grandchildren or finish a triathalon.
Controlling the food is only 40 percent for me. 60 percent is controlling my emotions and fears and not letting them kill (literally and spiritually) me. So I am back! In addition to getting back to restarting the plan, I will be working on my mental and emotional health so that future stressors will not rock my world so hard that I go back to bad eating habits.
I am traveling back and forth to another city for work right now and living out of a hotel room with no computer in the evening and my 12 hour work days don't leave much room to get on the internet.
I will recommit to this WOE when I am back home to stay. I am going to use this time period to read and pray and get myself mentally and emotionally ready to get off the carbs and back to health. I will restart on Monday, June 5. I will weigh, measure and make a new signature and start again. This time I have to do it.
Be blessed,
Treens
It's almost been a year since I was an active member here. There are so many new handles. I don't know if anyone remembers me. I see a few familiar handles like Mother Nature, Discolemonade and Katlam.
Last year on June 28th I had lost 73lbs with the Atkins WOE. My energy was up, I was going to the gym regularly and I was feeling very powerful. I was at 243 and was heading toward my dream of weighing less than 200 lbs. A weight that I have not seen since High School and I am 42.
But in June I got cocky. I decided I didn't need so much support. People around me were asking if I had to eat "like that" forever. I slowly started adding in my own brand of low carbing until I could no longer call it Atkins. I still maintained my weight although I did not lose.
November of 2005 hit and I hit a period of emotional stress that I had never experienced before. I could have handled a bad relationship, the car dying, or going negative in my checking account, but this new thing...wow, it threw me for a loop. I sought comfort and escape in sugary, carby foods. I felt like I DESERVED ice cream to make up for the trying situation. I felt that I deserved fries because life was so hard and I ate them. I am still eating them and I have gone back up to a tight size 24 from wearing 20-22. My thinner clothes are not fitting. I am tired all the time again. My knees hurt and swell again. I have trouble sleeping again and I have not exercised in months. I have no idea how much I weigh now because I am scared to weigh....
I realize that a part of me is scared to lose the weight. There is a quote that says our greatest fear is that we are powerful beyond our imagination. Powerful beyond my imagination is scary to a person like me who loves the background. Also, a part of me wants to hang on to the instant "gratification" of sugar, potatoes and bread. But most of me wants to be a healthly, vibrant woman who can run with my future grandchildren or finish a triathalon.
Controlling the food is only 40 percent for me. 60 percent is controlling my emotions and fears and not letting them kill (literally and spiritually) me. So I am back! In addition to getting back to restarting the plan, I will be working on my mental and emotional health so that future stressors will not rock my world so hard that I go back to bad eating habits.
I am traveling back and forth to another city for work right now and living out of a hotel room with no computer in the evening and my 12 hour work days don't leave much room to get on the internet.
I will recommit to this WOE when I am back home to stay. I am going to use this time period to read and pray and get myself mentally and emotionally ready to get off the carbs and back to health. I will restart on Monday, June 5. I will weigh, measure and make a new signature and start again. This time I have to do it.
Be blessed,
Treens
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