reality

[Lady_Hawke]

sometimes reality really bites.
earlier today I had to run out to the shops - so after my shower I actually blow dried my hair and put make up on - I felt really good about myself.
I was walking with my head held high, I felt beautiful - I was smiling at everyone and most smiled back.
Then as I was leaving the shop reality happened and I tucked into myself, tried to make myself as small and unnoticeable as someone my size can, the smile left my face, my head faced the ground and I just went straight to my car.....can anyone guess what happened that changed my "wow I'm beautiful, happy, yeah me" mood to the "hide me" mood?
I'll tell you - I saw my reflection in the glass door I was walking towards.
It took me a second to realize it was me. and....
....It was then that I remembered what my reality is.
I know I have a long road ahead of me - right now all of this ugly fat that has me trapped is my cocoon - someday I will break free and become the beautiful butterfly that lives in my heart and in my soul.
I am not giving up. I believe.
Thanks for letting me share my experience in reality.

[Curveegrrl]

Re: reality

Tamariah, I'm sorry you had such a painful experience.

I know too well the burning shame of self hate.

I also know that many of my friends, who I think are beautiful, feel the same way sometimes. I don't know when or why we learn to be so critical of our appearences, but we learn it well.

You are working hard to change y our life and make yourself healthier. You should be proud of yourself. From your signature, I can see the wonderful progress you've made. Hold your head high and strut your stuff!

[Kent]

Re: reality

Thanks for writing this Tam. Just remember it isn't necessarily what's on the outside that is what defines you. You are a beautiful girl. Sometimes the shock that confronts us in the mirror is necessary to drive us forward. You are definitely going forward though with that attitude.

[dreamof145]

Re: reality

Tamariah....you are a beautiful person. You've been shining the past few months - finding yourself and your inner spirit. Don't let the 'negative' start to take control again. You've said many times that there is a thin person inside you that you are going to free. Your name LADY HAWKE was a product of setting her free. Get a visual image and keep it locked inside your heart. Kent is right...your attitude will be the driving force!! Repeat after me...."I am beautiful."

[divaindubai]

Re: reality

Lady Hawke

I think many people here can relate to what you are saying or can relate in their past to what you have said. You aren't alone!

[Katlam]

Re: reality

Hey Tamariah. BIG HUG coming your way! I have done that and scared myself. But it's what keeps me going, the ok, I've come this far, I'm NOT giving in or quitting now! You will do it. Keep the image of the you that you want to become and are inside in your mind and soon others will see what we already know, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!

Kathy

[Mary-chan]

Re: reality



I know what feeling you're talking about. Our confidence can feel so fleeting at times. What you see in the mirror isn't always "reality", more often then not it's just a reflection of how we feel about ourselves. I've done that same thing, felt beautiful and really good about myself.. and then five minutes later, look into the same mirror and feel awful. Nothing in the mirror changed, just how I decided to let myself feel. Don't give in to it, you are a beautiful person!

[2big4mysize]

Re: reality

there isn't anything any of us can say to wave a magic wand and change what you percieve your reality to be. I hope you find a way to become that person all those folk were smiling back at sharing your smile with them says more about who you are then the reflection in the glass.

[BenandHallesMom_1]

Re: reality

Hang in there Tam! I too am a victim of mirrors and glass doors. I try to avoid them at all times, knowing that the reflection looking back at me is not the person I really am. I too have an inner beauty struggling to get out of this body. So here's to unlocking the door and letting our butterflies soar high!

[choeve]

Re: reality

God sees you for the beautiful person you are not the body you live in now. In the spirit world you are young and free and perfect. That's the way He sees you and the way you will be when you go to see Him.

[Profitweb]

Re: reality

I'm sure you were beautiful today, walking around with a smile! You probably brought a lot of peoples spirits up. Your weight doesn't affect the spread of good chear and the beauty from your smile. Please, do it again and don't doubt yourself next time. It was beautiful!

[Momtofour]

Re: reality

You are a beautiful person who deserves to walk with her head held high! You have done an amazing job so far. When you are feeling down you need to remind yourself of that.

[Lady_Hawke]

Re: reality

Thanks for all your love and support guys! You all touched my heart with your understanding and caring.
Walking with my head held high and repeating "I am beautiful" to myself.

[Profitweb]

Re: reality

That's the way, Lady!!!

[Analog6]

Re: reality

Ah, Tamariah, the comfident and beautiful person you are was shining through when most of those you smiled at smiled back. Beauty comes from within and the body is just a shell. Hold onto that really good feeling you had - THAT is the real you. Keep your head high and be proud of your acheivements, and soon that reflectuion will be a true one of the beautiful person you are.