odd experience...

[Aways2Go]

Not a problem, just an odd thing that happened recently that I don't know if I have ever experienced before, or at least not that I can remember.

I have lost nearly 70 pounds from my high weight, and about 55 or so from a small range where I weighed for quite a while, though only about 35 or so from what I have weighed for most of the last couple years (up to and including this past summer). It took this whole 70 pounds for me to finally change sizes completely - not just down to the "bigger" 2x shirts, for example, but ALL of the 2x shirts fit me now versus 3x. My pants size has gone down by 2 inches all the time now and is verging on 4 inches down - some of those fit and some are still snug. And I have pulled a lot of clothes out of boxes and spare closets that I don't even remember owning or ever wearing, so they are "new" to me, basically (and some still have tags). Haven't even tried all of them on yet, just hung them in place and grab something if I'm in a hurry.


So I was out and about in some of these "new to me again" clothes last week... I was in a public building, came around a corner to a wall of mirrors... and for a second, did not immediately recognize myself.

I'm sure it was a combo of clothes I don't recognize as my own yet, plus the fact that I guess I finally do look a little slimmer than I have for a long time. And of course, it was really nice to see a thinner person in the mirror than I have seen in quite some time and not instantly recognize myself. But it was also slightly unsettling in some odd way. It was almost like an "out of body" experience or something I can't really explain - weird to look in a mirror and not immediately "see" yourself, you know?

I still have a long ways to go, and I know I'm still fat. If I study myself in the mirror, which I do with fair regularity these days, LOL, I of course do see myself and can see that I am basically a little smaller all over but still have plenty of work to do.

Regardless, it was still very strange if only for a split second.
Anyhow, just thought I would share it.

[niko772]

Re: odd experience...

That is a truly awesome feeling, isn't it? I haven't hit that phase just yet. I still see the "fat" me when I look in the mirror...regardless of the fact that I'm down 5 sizes and am out of the plus sized section. My "moment" was being able to sit crosslegged on the floor.

Kudos to you and enjoy the heck out of watching your body disappear!! You're so very lucky to be able to actually *see* it happening.

[JulieB]

Re: odd experience...

I get that with certain body parts...I look down & see my calf & think "that's not my calf...it is too skinny". (OK so, it isn't exactly skinny, but that's besides the point). My hands too...but I haven't had the "full body" experience yet.

[just4me]

Re: odd experience...

that is wonderful, compared to the catch a glimpse of who is that huge person in the relflection THAT CAN'T be me, I wonder how long it takes for our mind to catch up to our body. Congrats on the loss!

[sham]

Re: odd experience...

Thanks for sharing.I can relate to that,when I also go out shopping I look out for the full long mirrors to get a glimpse of myself and when I do I always smile past with happiness at how good I look now.A year ago I hated the me I saw in the mirror fat and boring but now I love myself.

[Taters Momma]

Re: odd experience...

How great it is that you can actually see your hard work pay off.
I just know you will continue to have many of these moments.

Congrats on the loss!!!!

[Aways2Go]

Re: odd experience...

Thanks all - it really was a weird feeling, to get to see myself somewhat objectively even if just for a second.

I know I don't always see myself as I actually am, and think a lot of us probably don't. I think for a while (the upper ranges of my high weight) my brain got stuck seeing myself at a certain size/shape which was LESS than I actually weighed, and I think that held for about 40 pounds or so while I got slowly bigger and bigger. Maybe it was my brain's way of protecting my ego, LOL! I thought I looked better during that period than I actually did, as my image of myself in my head was smaller than what it actually was. I think finally I have lost that extra weight I was not "seeing" and am now down BELOW that point, that image in my head, which is why it caught me offguard to see myself (and not recognize myself) in that wall of mirrors.

I think part of that 'not seeing myself as I am' thing is that I noticed several years ago that unintentionally, when I looked in the mirror, I tended to position myself in ways that made me look slightly better. I'm sure some other people also do this without being aware of it - head tilted up by a fraction which makes the double chin less noticeable, stomach slightly pulled in, etc. When I realized I did this unknowingly, I then started intentionally NOT doing these things, so I could see myself as I probably usually appear to others and not necessarily at my best possible angle, etc. It sort of lessened the shock I got when I would occasionally see a casual photo of myself someone had taken, LOL!

Of course others have the exact opposite visions in their head, and tend to always see themselves in a much more negative light than they actually are... eyes immediately drawn to their one "trouble" spot or always thinking they look bigger than they actually are. I consider myself lucky that I don't seem to do this, thus am happier with my day to day appearance than I otherwise might be and can more appreciate the losses I am now experiencing.

The pounds are moving off slowly at present - well, not really, just not steadily and it is sometimes frustrating to have to wait a week or two for a loss to show up (and STAY there). But I just keep plucking away at it, and over time it works just fine. If I can keep dropping 8 or 10 pounds a month, I will get there in time. Right now I am intent on dropping another 10 to 15 pounds to solidly move down one more pants size, as I have very few at my current weight and don't want to spend money on clothes I won't be wearing very long. Thus I often am wearing pants that are really too big right now, trying to squeeze a little more usage out of them before I give them away. It's amazing the difference in how small I look (okay, granted, 'small' is relative here, LOL!) based on whether I am wearing pants that actually fit or wearing those pants/jeans that are too big, which I think make me look a lot bigger. One more pants size down and I should actually be wearing pants that fit for a while - woohoo!

[IrishIrish]

Re: odd experience...

I have been on plan for quite a while now and have reached the maintenance phase, but I never get really used to seeing the "new me". I do double takes all the time when I see myself in a mirror, reflection in a window or glass door. Still, when I do laundry, I will fold it and wonder how those jeans and tops fit on my body.

I think that the body adjusts to weight loss. It may take a little longer for my brain to adjust.

It isn't a bad problem to have though!!!

[Aways2Go]

Re: odd experience...

Coincidentally, I read an article on the MSNBC website tonight about this very topic. Don't know if the article was FROM today, I just happened across it by accident today. Anyway, one thing that was pointed out in the article (as best I can recall) was that particularly for people who have yo-yo'ed with their weight over the years, they seem to find it more difficult to see themselves at their smaller size as they lose weight in part because they don't trust it to STAY that way and have seen themselves at such a variety of sizes up and down over time.

Maybe that's why I haven't had this problem much - I never bothered going up and down with my weight, just crept up and up and finally plateaud over the course of about two decades and mostly stayed in one range for a long time until I started slowly working it down a few years ago. I guess points for me for consistency in the obesity dept, LOL!

And after writing my above comment regarding continuing to wear some clothes that are too big, I gave that some thought and decided that wearing clothes that are obviously too big was silly. So rather than try to continue to get some use out of the "too big" stuff before I SERIOUSLY lose out of them (ie, they literally fall off), while mixing them in with the "new to me" things that actually fit that I pulled out of spare room closets, I decided that with a 70 pound loss I deserved to wear clothes that fit RIGHT NOW. So I spent several hours yesterday evening weeding out all the 3x things still in the closet and the too-big pants and am boxing them up tonight to send to a relative who could really use them. I think I have found it somewhat hard to know when to give up clothes that are too big - I mean, I can still get them on, obviously... and it isn't something I have dealt with too many times in my life. It has been hard to know when "big" is really "too big to wear anymore" and no longer should be kept. But I'm learning, thankfully!

And I wore clothes today that actually fit very well, and it made me happy. Even if I wear the same 10 outfits over and over for the next few months, I'm okay with that. I feel better wearing them than my older, fatter clothes - I felt more confident, was happier with my appearance in general, and I think it might be encouraging also, not that I really need encouragement but it surely can't hurt.

[chinadoll]

Re: odd experience...

Good for you! I hung onto many of my clothes for way too long and when i finally let go I filled several lawn sized trash bags with them. Don't forget that tailors can work wonders with alterations if you have a piece of clothing you really like.

I think 70 pounds is a terrific accomplishment and you are so right about deserving to wear clothing that looks and feels good on you!

[Aways2Go]

Re: odd experience...

Thanks, China.

You know, though, I have to admit it was a little disconcerting to remove things from my closet and pack into a box to give away when it was the bulk of what I have been wearing for the past couple of years. As many of us know, it is often really hard to locate things you actually like in your size and that fit decently when you are big, and takes some effort and searching and a lot of trial and error. To send all those things away was sort of like tossing a security blanket or something... momentary fears of "what if I gain it back - then I have NOTHING to wear!" etc. But I got over that pretty quickly... I think, LOL!

Ain't no turning back now, unless I'm willing to live in a "clothing optional" community... which for sure ain't happening, at least anytime soon, LOL!