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Here is something I came across last night. Some of it is kind of cruel but on the whole, i think it is pretty bleedin funny. Hope you enjoy it.
The Rules For Men
To the men, let your women see this. To the women, print this off for your men and understand this. At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down, and the guys' side of the story is finally here. We always hear "the rules" from the female side; now here are the rules from the male side. Please note that these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat; you're a big girl! If it's up, put it down. We need it up; you need it down. How many times have you heard US complaining about you leaving it down?
1. Sunday sports are like the full moon or the changing of the tides; let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport, and, no, we are never going to think of it as one.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it; that's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument as all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done, not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, other naked women, war, guns, music, or monster trucks.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping!
The Rules For Men
To the men, let your women see this. To the women, print this off for your men and understand this. At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down, and the guys' side of the story is finally here. We always hear "the rules" from the female side; now here are the rules from the male side. Please note that these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat; you're a big girl! If it's up, put it down. We need it up; you need it down. How many times have you heard US complaining about you leaving it down?
1. Sunday sports are like the full moon or the changing of the tides; let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport, and, no, we are never going to think of it as one.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it; that's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument as all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done, not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, other naked women, war, guns, music, or monster trucks.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping!
ensive
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