I need some advice.

**cleochatra** · August 23, 2005, 06:32 PM

Re: I need some advice.

I love pilates with mustard!

OK, on to the rest of the post...

Over the years we've wired ourselves to accept failure and to live in mediocrity.

Look at what is, precisely, eating you. Focus on it. Make a plan of action to do something which will make you feel better.

Example: I feel like everything is out of control and I have no control.
An idea: Pick three things you are going to do right now. Only three things.

Let's say you feel like your house is a disaster and you're so overwhelmed you feel like nothing matters and you're a failure so what's the point?

Action: 1) Throw out 27 things. It can be paper. A pizza box. Something. Just find 27 things and pitch them out now.

Action 2) Make your bed. It's amazing how an outlook changes when your bed's made!

Action 3) Eat some pilates. But seriously... exercise stimulates the happy regions of our brains and helps get us going again.

Really get in toucvh with your emotions, and pinpoint what, precisely, is bothering you. We so often dwell on feeling 'bad'. But we NEVER think about WHAT, precisely, caused it. Worse still, we never looked to a positive plan of action to, in some way, rectify the bad and make it positive.

We've so long been self-training to feel 'bad' without any plan of recourse, save tro eat or perform some other self-destructive for of behavior, that we've forgotten howe to take action, do, and live!

So, instead of feeling depressed, I try to take action.

sure, maybe the house will still be a mess (as an example), but making the bed and throwing out 27 things often snowballs into something greater. It also gets us moving instead of moping.

Just some thoughts from me.

{{{Tom}}} *kiss on the cheek*

**Finelly** · August 23, 2005, 06:34 PM

Re: I need some advice.

Pilates is not cardio and it doesn't pretend to be. What it does is tone muscle and work on your core muscle groups to strengthen a bit and to adjust your posture. I love it, though I haven't done it in a few years. Windsor Pilates is supposed to be the best, from what I hear.

I don't know why you don't feel that you are getting enough cardio in. You are doing a whoppng amount of exercise every day what with regular cardio and Tae Kwan Do. Don't try to kill yourself - it will not help you lose weight faster.

It's easy to be rough on ourselves. I think that positive affirmations are crucial when we hit the low points. Make yourself a list of the excellent things you've accomplished. For example, mine is : I have never cheated; I am focussed on my goal, I have lost 35 inches!; I am highly motivated; I look better every week, etc etc.

Now write each one on a post-it note. Put the post-its around where you are likely to see them. Bathroom mirror, kitchen cabinet, etc. When you see them, say them out loud.

Also, posting here is probably the BEST way to handle the rough spots. Write to us about what you are thinking, including the negative thoughts. We'll coach you thru it, I promise!

**2big4mysize** · August 24, 2005, 06:28 AM

Re: I need some advice.

go to your public library and get a video they actually have a pilates for dummies one ion mine. try them and see if you like it. I didn't but other love it. several pro atheltes use them for core muscle strenght too.

**Sarah1341** · August 24, 2005, 06:57 AM

Re: I need some advice.

Tom, you are doing so great! That looks like an awesome exercise routine to me.

**knicknack** · August 24, 2005, 07:42 AM

Re: I need some advice.

Seems to me you're doing plenty of exercise - I woudln't worry about it personally. Like Finelly said, don't kill yourself!

I have a friend who's become an exercise addict over the years - he exercises like 4-5 hours a day at the highest settings. He'll do like 3 hours of the elliptical at sprint speed and that's just half his workout. It's really sad, because he still thinks he's out of shape and wants to do more. It's like anorexia but with exercise.

I'm not saying that you are an exercise-orexic, but just that more exercise doesn't necessarily equal a good thing.

(and pilates is most definitely not cardio)

**Brook** · August 24, 2005, 07:50 AM

Re: I need some advice.

Yep, Tom. I've gotta go with everyone else and say that it looks like you're getting plenty of cardio in to me. If you're looking to work the cardio time you've got going on harder, then it's time to really get going on the HIIT training. You can literally cut your cardio time in half with a solid HIIT approach - cuz it'll kick your butt! LOL

Pilates is fantastic, but as the others have said, it's not cardio exercise by any stretch of the imagination. Hurt? Effective? Yes. lol But not cardio.

You're doing an incredible job!

~Brook

**Ensifer** · August 24, 2005, 10:33 AM

Re: I need some advice.

Thank you, everyone, for taking the time to offer advice.

My problem, to be honest, is my displeasure with my current body. I am lighter than I was in high school, yet I am unhappy with my looks. I am sure this all sounds vain, but it's really about me and how I feel others perceive me. When I look in the mirror I don't see the 120 lbs. I have lost; I see the remaining pounds I want to get rid of. I am also, in a word, ill-content with my upper body strength and definition. The good part about all of this is that I can remedy it with the same hard work and determination that I have had in the past, and that I recommend to others. The problem... I need to fix the self image in my head, as I don't want to get to a point where I drive myself into an equally self destructive place on the opposite end of the weight spectrum.

My Game Plan --

Continue my exercise routine as stated above, but add pilates to help with muscle tone and core strength training.

Remind myself of how far I have come, and not concentrate on the relatively little way I have left to go.

Stick to my above mentioned routine, and avoid making excuses to duck out of it.

Continue eating as I know I should (the easiest part for me).

Drink my water... and when I am done drinking it, drink some more.

Learn to accept a compliment without wondering if the person is saying it "just to be nice".

- Tom

**Finelly** · August 24, 2005, 12:02 PM

Re: I need some advice.

Post a full-length photo. We will comment. It sometimes helps to know how others see you.

**knicknack** · August 24, 2005, 01:20 PM

Re: I need some advice.

That's really good insight, ensifer - your self image definitely affects a lot of things in your life.

One thing about exercise: your body can get used to doing the same things over and over again and stop showing results, so mixing things up is a great idea. Maybe try a different kind of cardio or something. Do pilates instead of weights. Try a different kind of movement to target a specific muscle group.

I think exercising too much also makes your body very unhappy - I don't think you're there yet necessarily though, but I caution you not to just add more exercise to try to achieve your results. I think you'd have better results by changing the types of exercise you do. If you're a runner, start swimming. Swimmer? Start running! Look up new ways of doing bicep curls, etc... That's always been very successful for me. You have to break your body of it's habits, so to speak.

You forgot one thing with the self image thing: it's psychological!!! So you should focus on thinking of reasons why you feel this way and ways to make yourself stop thinking this way that go beyond just adding more exercise or dieting more. You need to be self-confident no matter what you look like! chances are even if you are the buffest and hottest person around, you'll still feel insecure and have a bad self image if you don't work on the mental aspect of things.

That's exactly what my friend's problem is - he thinks he looks bad so he does more more more more more instead of trying to figure out why he thinks the way he does. I think it's great that you recognize your self image problem and that you're willing to work on it!

**Ensifer** · August 25, 2005, 11:19 AM

Re: I need some advice.

Finelly -- I will take a new recent photo and post it. My digital camera appears to have given up the ghost, but I can borrow one from a friend.

knicknack -- Those darn psychological problems are the hardest problems to fix. Truth be told, I am not bad off; however, I do have days when I am harder on myself than I should be. I suppose I need to get it through my thick skull that perhaps I am being paid more than a compliment, in that I am being told the truth.

- Tom

**Finelly** · August 25, 2005, 11:26 AM

Re: I need some advice.

You aren't alone. Most of the time when I look in the mirror directly, I am not displeased. I can see the weight loss and the inches loss and I'm happy.

But then I catch sight of myself in a store window or a mirror at a dept store where I am sitting waiting for my ultra slender daughters to finish trying on clothes that I want to be wearing, and I am appalled. I literally pull myself in and turn my head. I am disgusted.

Or, someone takes photos of a family event and I gasp when I see mine. Although I've lost 35 inches, I'm still FAT.

I used to be very slender - always was, except for pregnancy time. Even after I finished having my four kids,I was thin. The entire time I was gaining the weight, maintaining the heaviness, and even now, I feel like I'm somehow in the wrong body. It belongs to someone else and I don't recognize it.

When these things happen, I have to refocus myself. I go over and over again how much progress I've made. I am constantly going to mybodycomp.com and doing comparisons of where I started and where I am now. I tell myself that I am a work in progress and that the work is going very well.

It's a struggle sometimes to maintain a consistent positive mind-set. But I know that the disgust with my body is a symptom of a sickness, or "dis-ease". I am uneasy with my body. And my job, in addition to following this woe, is to become increasingly easy with it.

**womanpraised** · August 25, 2005, 11:33 AM

Re: I need some advice.

I suppose I need to get it through my thick skull that perhaps I am being paid more than a compliment, in that I am being told the truth.

As someone who is too old to be trying to flatter you, and has no reason to lie, because if I could just keep quiet and not say anything...

OH MY OH MY YOU ARE LOOKING GOOD!

I saw those pics and thought, OH MY... What a looker! *fans myself*

Take a compliment for what it is.. if they didnt mean it, they wouldnt say anything... and maybe, just maybe, they are hoping you are single and will pay them one back! It is hard to readjust the way you see yourself.... but dont doubt that to us females out here, you are looking good!

**Finelly** · August 25, 2005, 11:42 AM

Re: I need some advice.

What photos? Where?

**Sarah1341** · August 25, 2005, 11:45 AM

Re: I need some advice.

That is exactly what I was thinking. Where are these alleged photos???

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