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Who really needs to be fit and healthy? I mean please.
So you say you're screwing up.
Frankly, I think you should keep screwing up. I mean, what does success get you anyway? Look at all you are gaining because of your conscious decision to sabotage yourself, not follow this way of eating and bury your face in the vat of tiramisu:
1. You don't want to contnue to post progress photographs of your slimming body. You want to go right back to square one.
2. In fact, you want the doctor to prescribe medications to keep you alive because you'll be so overweight that the pharmacist will even know you by first name!
3. Who needs to tie their shoes? That's just a convenience. And just because people stand next to you during a windstorm for cover don't mean a thing.
4. When you're fat, small planets will succumb to your gravitational pull.
5. Stephen Hawking loves that he can see you minus the telescope. And he's in Clevenland.
6. You like that the last muumuu you donated housed Hurricane Katrina victims.
7. Who else's bra was used when the parabolic satellite dish failure took place in South America and they needed a backup?
8. Some give their weight. You can give your zip code.
9. The last time you donated blood, it was labelled as type "Ragu".
10. When you tried fighting the crime, they took you literally when you said "You took a bite out of it."
11. You are a bogeyman elevators tell their children about at bedtime.
12. The jaws of life come out everytime you try to remove yourself from a restaurant booth.
13. You give the orcas a positive self-image when you stand next to their tank at Sea Doozyworld. And that's so sweet!
14. Using the huge disabled stalls in public restrooms because the last time you tried to squeeze into a regular one you got stuck? Hot!
15. Small children think you eat them.
16. Osama was just discovered under your skinflap. He was said to be dazed, and the UN has him in custody now.
I can think of a million reasons you should continue to bombard yourself with negative emotions and programming like you have for so many years. I mean, who cares, right? It's only your health, self esteem and well-being on the line.
Forget that the last time you backed up you made beeping noises.
Or that the local dairy was really embarrassed when they tried to inadvertantly hook you to the milking machine.
When success only brings with it your ability to like life again? Happiness? Positive life experiences? Beh.
By the way. Ben and Jerry just called and they said they wanted a threesome, and there's a huge tub of gravy you haven't bathed in yet today. So what do you say?
So what do you say?
Sincerely,
your former you
So you say you're screwing up.
Frankly, I think you should keep screwing up. I mean, what does success get you anyway? Look at all you are gaining because of your conscious decision to sabotage yourself, not follow this way of eating and bury your face in the vat of tiramisu:
1. You don't want to contnue to post progress photographs of your slimming body. You want to go right back to square one.
2. In fact, you want the doctor to prescribe medications to keep you alive because you'll be so overweight that the pharmacist will even know you by first name!
3. Who needs to tie their shoes? That's just a convenience. And just because people stand next to you during a windstorm for cover don't mean a thing.
4. When you're fat, small planets will succumb to your gravitational pull.
5. Stephen Hawking loves that he can see you minus the telescope. And he's in Clevenland.
6. You like that the last muumuu you donated housed Hurricane Katrina victims.
7. Who else's bra was used when the parabolic satellite dish failure took place in South America and they needed a backup?
8. Some give their weight. You can give your zip code.
9. The last time you donated blood, it was labelled as type "Ragu".
10. When you tried fighting the crime, they took you literally when you said "You took a bite out of it."
11. You are a bogeyman elevators tell their children about at bedtime.
12. The jaws of life come out everytime you try to remove yourself from a restaurant booth.
13. You give the orcas a positive self-image when you stand next to their tank at Sea Doozyworld. And that's so sweet!
14. Using the huge disabled stalls in public restrooms because the last time you tried to squeeze into a regular one you got stuck? Hot!
15. Small children think you eat them.
16. Osama was just discovered under your skinflap. He was said to be dazed, and the UN has him in custody now.
I can think of a million reasons you should continue to bombard yourself with negative emotions and programming like you have for so many years. I mean, who cares, right? It's only your health, self esteem and well-being on the line.
Forget that the last time you backed up you made beeping noises.
Or that the local dairy was really embarrassed when they tried to inadvertantly hook you to the milking machine.
When success only brings with it your ability to like life again? Happiness? Positive life experiences? Beh.
By the way. Ben and Jerry just called and they said they wanted a threesome, and there's a huge tub of gravy you haven't bathed in yet today. So what do you say?
So what do you say?
Sincerely,
your former you
~~~~~~shrudder~~~~~~~~
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