day 12 but I am going thru sad stuff..

[qualitygrrl38]

Hello to you all,

Yes, I am going thru this again. My pants do not fit different. I hope they do soon, as I have no cheats. Do you all mind if I unload a bit? I have no where else to go with this right now....

I am 41, single now. I have 7 great kids, I used to be barbie doll attractive, now I have this weight I am now losing. my apron/overhang is horrid. I am sad about several things. I had been trying to date after 11 years being divorced. I am a nice gal inside, but you know, match dot com is where I was trying to meet dates. I have a young face, and a smaller face in relation to my body. Guys wont believe me, then they date and I like them, and they slowly leave, saying we are not compatible. Tonite, I am sad. This happened, I thought it would when he got a better look at my body. and sure enough, after one date, but talking every day for 2 months, he saw me and now is not interested.
If that isnt enough, right now, my ex husband, who is still dear in my heart since he is the father of 3 of my children, is dying and has hospice. I am helping him, since there is no one else stepping up to the plate, and also for the love of my kids, and just the fact, that it is a loving service for another person I once loved. It is so sad and bitter sweet. the kids are going thru so much. I feel lost, and lonely. I havent had sex, sorry for the tmi for 11 years. Can you imagine? I have no one to hug, yes, my kids, but right now, I have the control of my cravings, and a tiny hope that I will look beautiful once again on the outside. I cant help but cry right now. I probably am way out of line even dumping on this board, if so please forgive me. I cannot tell you though, how much my heart is sad. I want to find someone some day to love me. can anyone relate? It is going to be a tough time the coming next month or two. My daughter is 11, and one day last week for example, I took her to school as she missed the bus, and was crying uncontrollably, and wanted to be with her dad for the day, so I gave in, and took her there, he lives like 2 miles away from us, and she layed on the love seat next to his hospital bed for the day, sleeping and talking to him on and off. it is so many other things like this, and it just brings so many tears. Their dad is dying from congestive heart failure and kidney failure and other complications. He is swelling up like a balloon the past few days, and since we can see how horrid it is, the kids are getting more sad and upset also... well you get the picture. It almost seems rediculous to have to come to a chat board with this, I guess I am way too isolated. Anyway, Hope it didnt offend anyone, just needed to vent. Ann.

[Kate113]

Re: day 12 but I am going thru sad stuff..



You sure are going through a lot right now. As far as the men and dating goes, you didn't want those men anyway. You want someone to love you for the person you are inside, not the body you walk around in. If they can't see past the weight, then you don't need them. There will be time that you will be able to fit a man into your life again. Right now, it sounds like you are way too busy. But when that time comes and you can put yourself out there, you will find that one special man who is perfect for you.

[ValidRouge]

Re: day 12 but I am going thru sad stuff..

Ann,

My heart goes out to you, and I want you to know you'll be in my prayers tonight. Hospice offers free grief counseling--It might be good for you and your children. Hospice is an organization of the most beautiful and caring people, take advantage of the helping hand they offer not only to your exhusband but to you and your children. Their assistance doesn't stop with the person directly receiving hospice care.

I lost my husband unexpectedly in 1996 and hospice offered their grief counseling service to me, even though my loved one didn't need their service. One thing it helped me to understand were the stages of grief--everyone goes through all the stages regardless of their relationship to that person.

I experienced incredibly lonely feelings--and I remember someone once telling me that carnal urges (for lack of better words) were totally normal for the ones left behind. Somehow it's a validation that YOU are still alive. Just be aware that those feelings are normal too, that way you can try to avoid impulsive actions that might only make you feel worse in the long run (experience speaking here).

I'm not sure how young your children are, but Hospice will also go to the school to counsel with your children if you are unable to take them.

[slimndown]

Re: day 12 but I am going thru sad stuff..

(((((((Ann))))))) Hugs to you, sweetie. I cannot say that I know what you are going through but I can only begin to understand. My dad, as he is right now, is dying of cancer and will be gone within the next 6 mos to a year if his treatments don't help him. Additionally, that was the very moment when my hubby had decided he needed to go find himself and recently moved out. Now, I have to go from being a housewife to a working mom of just 1 child (thank goodness). I do understand about the loneliness as my emotional support has walked right out the door and I have to face everything all by myself. To make it easier, I am not ever planning to date. I think this would be easier on my daughter, not to mention a good way to make sure I don't involve anymore kids or add to my responsibility that way. Yes, that means I'll be in the same boat as you concerning intimacy but I'm choosing to do that for reasons of benefit.

It's really good that your kids are spending as much time with their daddy now as they can. It's a hard fact of life at this moment but these are moments they will treasure forever despite how hard it is right now and how sad the memories may be. You are a strong woman, Ann. Those guys you have dated don't deserve a jewel like you - no matter what shape you are in. It takes an amazing woman to take care of an ex-hubby because he has no one else. Those guys will only wish they were as fortunate if they are ever in the same boat.

[Binsk]

Re: day 12 but I am going thru sad stuff..

I'm so sorry for what you and your kids are going through. It really does sound like you need a support group or counselling right now, taking all of this on by yourself is too much for anyone.

[didy]

Re: day 12 but I am going thru sad stuff..

It is so hard to stay focused when so much is going on around you. As someone who has just suffered a major loss (not nearly as monumental as yours) I know how easy it is to lose sight of proper eating and exercise. I also can speak to how much worse I felt going back to carbs for comfort. Stay the course, for your own sake. One day at a time.

You are such a valuable, strong person to endure what you are enduring. I can't imagine how unglued your kids would be without you there for guidance and love.

When this is part of your suffering in life is over, and the grief is less, you will wake up and find that you look better, feel better, and will be even stronger for all that you have suffered.

I will pray for you. And I pray that God is preparing your heart and your future mate's heart to find each other, soon.

Just don't take the first thing that comes looking. As you get smaller and feel better about yourself you won't be able to decide which of the many that are sniffing around are most suitable.
didy

[Connie]

Re: day 12 but I am going thru sad stuff..

Wow, you certainly have your hands (and heart) full right now.

You can get through all this. Needing someone to hug you and tell you everything is going to be okay would be nice, but you can get through all this without it.

When life starts spinning out of control and you're getting hit in every direction with anxiety and emotional stress, stay strong. Your family needs you right now.

Sometimes just having control over one thing in your life such as your determination to lose weight can transfer taking charge in other areas of your life. Stick to your weight loss challenge right now, its the one good thing you can do for yourself.

Best of luck to you and yours, thoughts and prayers coming your way.

[ladyinred]

Re: day 12 but I am going thru sad stuff..

{{{{{{{Ann}}}}}}} Many hugs and prayers going out to you. Your name says it all, you are a top quality girl. Mr. Right will come along when the time is right. For now, your attention is needed elsewhere (your kids, your ex, and yourself). You have lots of friends here and we're happy to help in any way we can. Take care of yourself.

[Sd1136]

Re: day 12 but I am going thru sad stuff..

Ann
If you need to talk im here
your going thru alot of stress
Hang in there
Go to grief counceling, Hospice has it.
sandi

[Starmaker]

Re: day 12 but I am going thru sad stuff..

Big Hug to you for what you are dealing with. Stay strong, you have all of us you know!

[Desertthorn]

Re: day 12 but I am going thru sad stuff..

May I give you a big hug also. You need to start to focus on yourself and be your best friend. Get involved in your church, find a hobby that intersts you, join a gym and my best advise is to smile....regardless of how you feel, smile. Folks, both men and women love folks who smile. Dating is awesome, but maybe your sending out the wrong vibes, so look for friendship instead of sex cause thats 100 times better anyway.
Post often.
Lynne