Well I'm back, yet again

[Checkers]

fell off the wagon quite a while ago for the ???? time. But about 5 months ago I started taking ballet (yes, with my big butt in a leotard), then jazz, then tap. I ate badly during this time but still lost one size and am so much more fit. So a few days ago I started eating properly again. I'm feeling much better and I will never give up on Atkins no matter how much I screw up. And for those that hate exercise dance is super fun! And it's a killer workout for an hour that goes so fast. I won't be participating in my studio's show this April, but I'm determined to do it next year. I need support to stick with it. I lose weight so fast when I'm being good, then I sabotage myself. I don't know if it's overconfidence or some other reason I do this to myself. I'm frustrated, but have renewed determination.

[Tryin2lose]

Re: Well I'm back, yet again

Checkers, I'm glad you are doing something you love regardless of how you look or "feel" you look in a leotard! You can do this, before you cheat again check in here! We've all done it, so we know how you feel. I'm doing extended induction so if you need support, I'm here for you!!

Erin

[ditien]

Re: Well I'm back, yet again

Hey,

you've made the first step by admitting your faults on this way of eating. Gal i have to give you mob props for joining ballet i cant imagine myself doing ballet plus in leotards ha ha thats too much for me.
Glad you found a way of keeping fit atleast its not boring. Enjoy yourself and good luck on this way of eating.
Deedi

[Checkers]

Re: Well I'm back, yet again

Thanks so much for your kind words guys. I feel in control of my food plan and my exercise, but I feel like if I don't figure out why I sabotage myself that I'll be on shaky ground. I've read stickys about this subject but that didn't really solve the question for me. I have some ideas that maybe some of you identify with. The first idea is that if I get thin and everyone likes it then I fear that that the real me doesn't mean anything. Like I wasn't good enough as chunky me. Second is that I really don't like attention from men which I got a lot of as a younger, thin woman. That's all I can think of, but that first one really made me almost want to cry.

[Checkers]

Re: Well I'm back, yet again

Oh, I wanted to add something to that. As a thin and attractive woman I'm 99% sure that every boyfriend plus my ex-husband cheated on me. My current DH who married me as a somewhat chunky woman has been reliable and trustworthy. I know there's no logic that says my DH would cheat if I was thin, but being thin still makes me think of those scumbags of the past.

[Kiasmama]

Re: Well I'm back, yet again

The first idea is that if I get thin and everyone likes it then I fear that that the real me doesn't mean anything. Like I wasn't good enough as chunky me.

Well I like to think of it as "getting healthy" not getting thin. In fact I"m very careful around my young nieces to say I eat this way to get/stay healthy NOT to be thin. The thin just comes as a "side effect" of this WOE. It doesn't define who I am and won't change it. Losing or gaining wieght does not change the core of who you are. If it changes how someone feels about you...then pfffft on them.

I realized that when I was heavier....I sort of projected the way I felt about myself (cause we all know by today's society you are worthless if you are over 85 pounds) to my friends. Hence I wasn't that much fun to be around...cause I was unhappy with myself. When I lost weight.....it seemed like I got invited to more parties and such. Again I feel it was because I projected to them....that I'm much happier and thus....more fun.

Well I've finally come to terms with that. I define ME. And I don't try to read people's minds about how they feel about me. "Hmm...did they not like me when I was heavier, does that mean they aren't true friend yada yada yada" I dont' even think about that stuff anymore. Why...cause it doesn't matter and I can't change it even if it did. I focus on me now. I'm not sure what any of the point of this was.....I sort of rambled. Good luck.