Still CHUNKING along

[Smallerizing]

I feel like a fat blob. I'm no skinnier than I was last fall. My last "fall" off the wagon was April 6 and 7 when I had a Krispy Kreme to get rid of a migraine, since I only have one dose of migraine meds left. Seems that every month or two I have some kind of stupid reason to fall off the wagon, then binge for a few days, then it takes a month or two to lose the 5 pounds I gain. I'm ready to throw in the proverbial towel, only I know I will balloon up to 300 lbs in a year or less.

My once-okay-looking belly sticks out like a beach ball. My arpit blubber hangs over my bra. My legs scrape together again, and in the Tennessee humidity this is NOT fun. I finally got out of a 5 year poverty cycle caused by automobile injury, and got a Gazelle, cleaned up my yard with some professional help, got pretty clothes that fit and a nice haircut, and last week my company went under financially and my paycheck bounced. Now I have two small high-interest loans, unemployment tells me I'm eligible for only $54 a week, and my cell phone just died and it's not insured.

I feel a binge coming on. A BIG one. Like maybe forever. I should not feel this depressed, as the sunlight is back, I'm 26 lbs lighter than when I started this WOE, and I was able to cover my mortgage for this month. Life is good, really - and I didn't even cheat yesterday with goodies in the house. I actually started feeling depressed right before the bubble burst, maybe it was a premonition.....Why is life so hard sometimes, and why does it pick on me? My 58 lb weight loss was the only bright spot in some depressing times I went thru in the past few years, but this time it's so hard to stick to plan.

Sorry for the rant. Going back to my commission-only part time job right now which isn't working well either...

[Luvs2lose]

Re: Still CHUNKING along

It sounds like you have seen some difficult times. I know its hard to stay positive, especially when you feel depressed, but whatever you do, dont give up. It will only make things worse. Not only will you have difficult things to deal with, but you will feel like total CRAP because you gain weight and binge eat. As hard as it is to believe, things will get better and this is all happening for a reason. What the reason is, is yet to be seen. You will find another job and things will get better....in the mean time we are all here for you.


Corinna

[2big4mysize]

Re: Still CHUNKING along

Good to see you captain smallersizing.

I feel a binge coming on. A BIG one. Like maybe forever. I should not feel this depressed, as the sunlight is back,......

you are wrong you don't feel a binge coming on you are planning to allow on. STOP IT right now! Plan to feel a weight loss coming on! get your house in order toss the high carb stuff tell the family to remove it or lose it your health comes first!

and I didn't even cheat yesterday with goodies in the house

build on that!
Now remember that feeling about your weight loss being a good thing and work hard to grow and nurture that good thing.

I'm 26 lbs lighter than when I started this WOE, and I was able to cover my mortgage for this month. Life is good, really - ......

come on get on that gazelle and get your money's worth out of that investment in you!
Check out the Governers new plans for healthcare and see if you qualify now that you are layed off. CHAMPUS should be availible to you at least so you can get some migraine meds. call your doc and see if nowe you qualify for the drug companies free meds too. you can do this work on it and you can regain control of your health issues.

Happy low carbing.

[Smallerizing]

Re: Still CHUNKING along

Nice to see you, Cap'n 2Big!

I've been doing only 10 min on the Gazelle due to knee problems, didn't want to start too fast, but been pretty faithful on days I'm not knocking myself out in my yard.

Health care is not an issue now, due to DH having that at work, but thanks for thinking of that -- there's NO way I can go without it in my fragile condition. I also just found out I need surgery, but I'll have to post that in the women's forum when I figure out how to get registered. I have been worse off physically, so I'm counting my blessings. At least I CAN work. And I just got 2 really good phone calls, one from a prospective customer I talked to before I knew my FT job was in the toilet, and one from my corporate office on the PT job - I think this could work out!!! I have a meeting today with a customer who turns out to be head of the Chamber of Commerce and could be a real good source for referrals, so if I can get some business going in a hurry I'll be okay.

Corrina, you are right about what it would do to me if I cheated and I don't need that added stress. It's just that Twinkies and chocolate have been such a comfort to me when stuff goes wrong......okay, I'm stopping that thought right there.

[Elizellen]

Re: Still CHUNKING along

2big and luvs2lose have given you some great advice which will help you I am sure.
Just hang in there and remember that whatever else goes wrong outside your control there is one thing you CAN control - what goes into your mouth!! So concentrate on doing that no matter what.
2big posted a great post in another thread today about making up an Atkins emergency kit to help you stay on-plan which you might find useful here http://www.atkinsdietbulletinboard.c...ncy#post387312

[Smallerizing]

Re: Still CHUNKING along

Thanks, Elizellen! You are right, it's all about control, and I definitely am a control freak!! That's probably why I'm so depressed.


So yesterday at our church thing, the menu was pizza, salad, and ice cream. I was told to "have just one slice" but I had some deviled eggs and a slice of low-carb cheesecake (leftover from Easter) before I came. Besides, I know from past experience that if I had the toppings only, I would feel sorry for the poor little crust and eat it, too.

I hate it when I sit down with just a salad and have to hear all the garbage people say like, "you need SOME carbs" or "my dad says that's dangerous" etc. I did NOT engage in blowing apart their myths (not much) and did not do anything with the ice cream except drool at theirs. Then the guy in charge came up to me and offered me Carb Smart which I gladly took. There was a day when I would consider this cheating, but I'm SOOO close to the edge I didn't care. I guess all the peer pressure KEPT me from cheating big time, it could have been worse and it was only a little ice cream, not a cereal bowl of it like I would have liked.

My appointment postponed yesterday, and this morning I'm still in my jammies and don't want to get my butt in gear. Please send good "stay-on-the-wagon" vibes this way. I need them! I have to get out of the house and remind myself why I'm such a happy person!!!

Oh, yes, I have almost all my emergency kit, but don't have skinny pics. When I got down to 127 2 years ago, I didn't consider it "target" so I don't have pictures See? Even 2big's great kit recipe is making me sad!!

[Elizellen]

Re: Still CHUNKING along

Oh, yes, I have almost all my emergency kit, but don't have skinny pics. When I got down to 127 2 years ago, I didn't consider it "target" so I don't have pictures See? Even 2big's great kit recipe is making me sad!!

Ah well - maybe you can just concentrate on changing the person in the 'before photos' instead? We have to work with what we have . Perhaps a photo of another person who is the shape you want to be at goal would help to inspire you?