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Back Again :*(
Hello everyone,
I am back again for the umpteenth time. The last time that I browsed ADBB was June 21, 2006. At the time I weighed bet 165-168lbs. I kept my attempt at the atkins "diet", and would manage to stick with this way of life for at most- 3-4 days. Now I return, even moe desperate, more distraught, more disappointed in myself. I have allowed myself to creep up to an all time high of a whooping 178lbs!!!
I am only 5'3"!!!! I do not know what to do 
. I mean I KNOW what to do, but there is something holding me back. After stepping on the scales about an hr ago and seeing that haunting number, I MUST STOP THIS SELF DESTUCTIVE BEHAVIOR!!!
I've just went for orientation to become a correction officer in the city of New York. I am very stressed. The hard part has not even started. There is a physical agility test, P/T in the academy ( I am totally not up to that part yet) and a weight standard to pass. If I get through the background investigation, medical, psychological written/oral exams and interviews I will be okay. I am stressed about the physical aspects. This puts even more pressure on me. I need support. I know I will get support from this great forum and i am so greatful i've found it. But even w/ all the support my biggest enemy is myself. I know I have the power to be the fit and healthy person that I envision, So what is stopping me? I hate the excuses I make for myself. Excuse after excuse does nothing but add more holes to my belt. I went to Bally's last week and worked my triceps so hard, I literally strained the muscle. On the way to the hospital in the ambulance, the EMT told me I was very pretty and would be a killer if I lost weight. Talk about crushed!!! . I just needed to come on and rant. I am determined not to wait another day. I will start this way of life tonight. Thank you for listening and providing me a place to express my frustrations. I feel a lil better already
I am back again for the umpteenth time. The last time that I browsed ADBB was June 21, 2006. At the time I weighed bet 165-168lbs. I kept my attempt at the atkins "diet", and would manage to stick with this way of life for at most- 3-4 days. Now I return, even moe desperate, more distraught, more disappointed in myself. I have allowed myself to creep up to an all time high of a whooping 178lbs!!!
I am only 5'3"!!!! I do not know what to do . I mean I KNOW what to do, but there is something holding me back. After stepping on the scales about an hr ago and seeing that haunting number, I MUST STOP THIS SELF DESTUCTIVE BEHAVIOR!!! I've just went for orientation to become a correction officer in the city of New York. I am very stressed. The hard part has not even started. There is a physical agility test, P/T in the academy ( I am totally not up to that part yet) and a weight standard to pass. If I get through the background investigation, medical, psychological written/oral exams and interviews I will be okay. I am stressed about the physical aspects. This puts even more pressure on me. I need support. I know I will get support from this great forum and i am so greatful i've found it. But even w/ all the support my biggest enemy is myself. I know I have the power to be the fit and healthy person that I envision, So what is stopping me? I hate the excuses I make for myself. Excuse after excuse does nothing but add more holes to my belt. I went to Bally's last week and worked my triceps so hard, I literally strained the muscle. On the way to the hospital in the ambulance, the EMT told me I was very pretty and would be a killer if I lost weight. Talk about crushed!!! . I just needed to come on and rant. I am determined not to wait another day. I will start this way of life tonight. Thank you for listening and providing me a place to express my frustrations. I feel a lil better already
Welcome aboard!
for undertaking such a hard job 
...Was in HEAVEN -got to 150, for awhile, then got too busy, and gave in too much... and... OK holding pattern "keep it together..." 
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