Need support!! :(

[Pumababi]

Hey all. I really need support, and hoping you can relate to what I'm going to vent about.


I saw a friend last night, and she is at my goal physique. In the past, I would feel inadequate, and my feelings of insecurity and unhappiness in my body would come up inside... my anger of how i could let myself go so much, and not take care of me... and how stupid i feel... but last night, I didn't feel all of that. Which was very surprising.... It was more of an inspiration for me. It gave me more strength, and I thought, "I can accomplish this for myself, because I derserve it and i can do it!" And I didn't feel, or experience that little pang in the back of my head that says... are you sure?

Now, this is something i should feel very excited about!!! BUTTTTTTT



Right now, I feel like what it is that i want, which is very badly, seems to be very far away. I'm feeling pangs of failure.. wondering if I'll ever get to it... and accomplish it (my outter and inner change). I'm trying to brush it off... and focus more on the fact that I show up for myself every day, exercising, and staying with the commitment of this WOE. I've been feeling strong, and just going for it.. for a little over 3 months now, and yes for the rest of my life. I'm in one of those phases where, I know I'm holding true to my commitment to myself... exercising more, eating better, taking supplements/vitamins, drinking my water... becoming a happier more fullfilled me... - though I am happy, and I have seen positive inner changes in me... starting to feel stronger, more confident, more self empowered. I'm stuck in the physical aspect of it. I wanted so much not to get out of bed this morning and instead feel sorry for myself. Mope, and think... god i used to look like that... but noooo i had to screw it all up, and stop loving me... there's this very strong negative nagging in my brain that's like.. you are such an idiot for even trying- you won't get there, you can't do it. You look like such a fool putting in this effort, You know that? Everyone else can see it, why can't you? Don't you know that it will always feel/be this way?



Im starting to tear up. Wow, i just let out a lot...............

[ValidRouge]

Re: Need support!!

Puma,

Take a deep breath, and then let's talk....

How long did it take you to put on the weight?
It's not going to come off quickly, but in my situation, it's coming OFF a heck of a lot faster than I put it ON.

The addict in you is trying to get you to give in. It may be that something you ate or drank caused an insulin spike, and then resulting low blood sugar (hypoglycemia). That, for me, makes me wig out in the head. You may have had a craving you didn't give in to, and so it starts working on your insecurities. I've found that my body can find all sorts of ammunition to play mind tricks on me, and try to get me to cave.

If you fall victim and wallow in it for a length of time, you'll just have to start over again. You've already come so far....do NOT allow the mind games you play with yourself to get the best of YOU. You have been doing a great job. We all have these demons to battle.

Do battle with them, and allow the NEW YOU to be the winner. Outback Jess talks about having our War Paint on. Every day we have to do battle with our insecurities, with the addict inside us, with society, with that pitiful Nicole Richie for crying out loud!!! It's insanity. But, don't let go of your goals. Don't look back, just keep focusing on the future.

[Pumababi]

Re: Need support!!

*deep breath*


Well, when my step dad died 2 years ago... it took me 3 months to put on 50 pounds (lots of candy, lots of comfort food. I just basically nummbed the **** out of myself)... and then since that I've just been struggling to get it off. Making plans to get serious, but not following through. I lost a bit here and there , but ... I didn't get totally serious about it until last september... I had a wedding to go to in February. I lost about 30 pounds. I stalled for 2 months. Then insane things starting happening in my life again, and I gave up on me. And the 30 pounds, plus a little more came back on. Now, here I am. I used a lot of my pent up anger, and emotion to ... negatively motivate myself? I dealt with a lot of inner demons, which.. though I lost weight, and changed my body- it wasn't a positive process.. it was a whip and chain.


Now, it's different. I've found support (here! - and I'm doing this as a way of life now, whereas before... I knew it would be a way to just get it off. I didn't eat anything that would cause a spike to cause the madness, I think the madness is just popping up... like you said... I have had food dreams again lately, not as severe. I love what you said about the the body finding ammunition to get me to cave...


now that i think about it, my mom mentioned a family function in december with cousins I haven't seen since before I gave up on myself. I felt panicky by that. And said, I dont know... I want to go, but I dont want them to see me like this? Which is really sad, because I love them and miss them.. it's just horrible for me to say that!

[ValidRouge]

Re: Need support!!

Ah-ha! now you're getting somewhere. Would you care if any of your family that you'll see have gained weight? Or would you just be happy to see them? I'm going to guess is that you would not care. I'm also going to guess that they won't either. They are going to want to see you too, no matter, because they love and miss you as well.

In the meantime, December is still a number of weeks away. You can make a lot of progress in that time. Will it be a specific number of pounds by then? No. Will it be a guarantee of any number of pounds lost by then? No. Can you be in control of your life and taking positive steps forward? You betcha!

Visualize what you are going to look like at goal. You need to start seeing THAT picture in your mind all the time. Forget the pictures of the old you, and even the mirror image of the right now you....focus on the future you. These thoughts are no longer allowed

you are such an idiot for even trying- you won't get there, you can't do it. You look like such a fool putting in this effort, You know that? Everyone else can see it, why can't you? Don't you know that it will always feel/be this way?

Only positive thoughts, visualizations, and affirmations are allowed. Once you convince your subconscious mind, it will happen, because the subconscious makes it happen. Right now your subconscious believes those thoughts above. Don't allow your subconscious to prove itself right about those thoughts.

[Pumababi]

Re: Need support!!

How do I re-train my subconscious mind? Is at matter of saying affirmations to myself? When I try and visualize the future me, it's not clear in my mind... how do I make it clearer? It's there.. but it's not clear. I can see the details, I just see a shadowed image of me... and it looks far away? When I try to make it clearer, i feel... scared. And then I just stop. Why would I be afraid of the future me, the me that I want to be so bad? When I exercise, i do visualize myself at me... and then I find that I Just get more into my workout, and then before I know it its over.


I know that nothing will be a specific amount of pounds, or inches or what have you by then. So I just focus on this future me, and as I can continue what I'm doing... just relax and accept what it is that I recieve?

[julirama723]

Re: Need support!!

Puma--stop worrying about tomorrow for a minute...instead, think of all you've accomplished from the time you started until today. You've lost 16lb! FOREVER!! You are 1/3 way to your goal weight! How fabulous is that! You've made yourself healthier, you've lengthened your time here on earth, you've probably regulated some mood/emotion swings that were caused by carbs, too. You exercise regularly!

And who says the physical aspect ISN'T important? I think it's very important--it's just one facet of this whole life-changing experience. I know that the closer I get to my goal weight, the more confidence I'll have, and I will feel better about myself. I'll look better in the clothes I want to wear. I won't be judged as harshly by strangers. The same goes for you, too.

Puma, you've come a long way, and I don't think you should give up. Yeah, this stuff takes one day at a time, and the weight will come off when it will. The time will pass between now and that family function in December. You can just let it pass, or you can continue on your Atkins journey and be even closer to your goal!

Puma, you can do it!

[ValidRouge]

Re: Need support!!

According to many motivational type people, visualization, belief IS what will "make it so."

B. Klemmer says that intent + mechanism = result. He says that when there is a TRUE intention, you WILL have the results because your subconscious will find the mechanism.

Frank Lloyd Wright said "The thing always happens that you really believe in; and the belief in a thing makes it happen."

Steven Covey, author of "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" also teaches that "if you visualize the wrong thing you will produce the wrong thing" (p.134)

I'm sure there are lots and lots of people who would say the same thing. I imagine a lot of very successful people are successful simply because they truly believe they will be...then they make it happen.

My cousin had a horse. My aunt would go on and on about how every time she went out to the barn, the horse stepped on her foot....and it did. Probably because subconsciously she put her foot in a place, or subconsciusly wore inappropriate shoes...and the horse would step on her foot. She even admitted that she did this.

Imagine the things we could make happen in our lives, if we just quit getting in our own way.

Back, for a moment, to the intention + mechanism = results equation from B. Klemmer, You already have the mechanism--Atkins and exercise. So, why aren't you getting results? Because you don't have the intention, or the belief.

How do you get the belief? It has to be deep down...and you do that by changing the subconscious. You change the subconscious by bombarding it with that picture in your mind. Quit seeing the fat girl, start seeing the thin, healthy girl.

Dr. Jim Garlow, author of How to think like a loser; Thoughts on weight loss, says "You can excuses, or you can have results. You cannot have both." This goes along quite nicely (IMO) with this line of thinking.

Thinking like this helped me get back to exercise, helped me quit smoking, helps keep me moving toward my goal. Every time I fall, I put these thoughts back forfront in my mind and get right back on track.

[ValidRouge]

Re: Need support!!

Oh, and you know what....I very RARELY put specific time frames with my loss goals. I take what I get when I get it. I have joined a couple challenges like lose 10 lbs by father's day or 10 lbs by halloween...I didn't lose 10 lbs in either of them. But I did NOT let that be a failure. Whatever I lost in that time was a CELEBRATION! You'll see that my mini-goals in my signature are for # of pounds lost or a certain weight, but there is no date associated with them until I've reached that goal. That way I don't disappoint myself with something that I really have no control over. My body is going to lose weight on it's own time schedule, not some arbitrary date that I pull out of my head.

[abstractillusions]

Re: Need support!!

I haven't read this whole thread, but i came across this today and thought it may help a little in reminding you of what other part of this journey will take you and that is striving to regain your confidence. Its not easy, but i see it in you based on many things you have said, so some times you will need to reach down and grab onto it with both hands and just like you do with a craving you have to work through it, strangle the urge, jump on it with your barefeet and overhanging toenails and tell it NO, you are not going to bring me down. Glad you asked for help chickee!! If you disregard the Paris Hilton aspect of the below lol the comment is actually very true, hold onto YOU, because losing weight is not the only battle we all are dealing with, we are trying to recapture the confident us too!

[ValidRouge]

Re: Need support!!



This is true! I have a friend who is pretty heavy....but she is confident and has a bubbly personality...and she is SOOOOOOOOO attractive--to both males and females. She gets hit on all the time. And, though (before atkins) we wore the same size clothes, she's 5' and I'm 5'10, so you can imagine.

[Desertthorn]

Re: Need support!!

Think of this not as a chore, but an adventure. An adventure in eating a new way, an adventure into the unknown world of exercise. An adventure to try new foods and get healthy.
I think our bodies like the norm, and don't like to be threatened with change. So these little nagging thoughts come to us just to try to sabotage our plan. Don't listen. Tune it out and think just one day at a time.

[Pumababi]

Re: Need support!!

Thank you so much for your support and advice today!! You definately gave me strength, and helped me to see my own strength. You all made incrediblely strong and valid points. Just thanks so much again, for responding so quickly... honestly... and with your wisdom!

[Outback Jess]

Re: Need support!!

Wow, I have really missed out on some big motivational, inner homework type posts. Puma, you are so lucky to receive such quality advice. It's alot to think about. I read where you look into your future and see yourself and you are unclear. I look and see an unclear person too. So I shift away from what the shell looks like and I look on how I want to feel.
You want to feel pride in yourself because you TRUST yourself again! YOU want your confidence back, confidence in knowing you can keep a promise you can take care of yourself and you will pay the price instead of let it all go...We all want that restored!
We know it's earned and you are earning it back!
I looked in the mirror last night down at my Mom's...I take care of her and i was putting a narcotic patch on her chest, and we were in her little bathroom, actually I was waiting for her to shuffle in...there I stood, looking "lean" and I am 5'3 and weigh in the what 180's...but to me i looked alot better than ever before! My negative Mom said, "you are looking at yourself! I think you look great" and I smiled. You know I could stop loosing weight right now and I would be fine. Because I have that pride back, that inner trust back, I am confident I can carry out my daily routine...I am in high production mode, and i have hit all my marks!

You are not where you were and not where you are going, and that does cause turmoil on some days...So, just go up and above those feelings, they probably won't be there by the time you read this post...
Take a walk, better yet take a hard run...sweat a little, breathe hard and I'll bet the endorphines will refresh you...You are getting it back one step at a time...it's slow, but maybe that will freak you out enough to not do it again! Thats what I tell my daughter, whose weigh loss is so slow, maybe you won't throw this away once you get it back,since it's been so hard to get it!
You are awesome puma and you have so much good going on, let this wave of discontent roll over you!