Sunday deep thoughts

[Outback Jess]

It's Sunday. Yesterday, many of you know I met up with a fellow ADBB member, Adena. We exercised together at a wonderful park. As we were going along, we discussed one of the biggest points and that was keeping our promise to do this way of eating, and make it work.

I said that is the single most important thing to me, to keep this promise to do this way of life, TO-MY-SELF. I said I really feel that all my confidence comes from keeping to KEEPING MY WORD TO MYSELF. It's the greatest job to restore confidence and trust in yourself!

The great thing is, do the plan and the food quiets down so much, the cravings cool off so much that you can actually feel satisfied, lack hunger and keep your promises to yourself.

I notice how many people appear here and say "this is it, I'm doing it no matter what. FOR LIFE, I am here now.. Do or Die!" stuff like that, and oh yeah, "I MEAN IT THIS TIME". Then they are gone.

WARNING: There is no miracle here. Atkins is not a mircle...It's alot of hard work, thougtful planning and preparing, and follow through like Abstractillusionist said...

People I have said those words, "Ok this time it's for real, today is the day, I'll keep to it no matter what!" and FAILED TO KEEP THEM... Over and over and they crushed me and drained me of self confidence...I've said this one recently, "I know myself all too well, I couldn't come back from a pizza". You and I both know what we can handle and what we need to stay away from. My friend Paul, who we have not heard from in over 2 weeks again!!! Went on a cruise very early into his Atkins program, probably shortly after He finished induction. I said over and over, "I could not handle that!" It was true. I still am not so sure I could handle that much food and drink and fun....
I have had to be very very careful about invitations.

Even now with the holiday parties coming, thoughtful planning and preparing...Careful about each and everyday.

In July I was at the rock bottom of my self. I did not like myself, I did not trust myself to hold to my promises. I was tired of disgusting eating and drinking. I was trapped in disgust. I forced a smile everyone could see through. I lost belief in myself. Today, after working so very hard for 110 days, I feel much better about who I am. I like myself, not the outter appearance, but the inner person who daily seeks to be true to oneself.

If you make a plan for this season of holidays and celebrations and you keep to your plan, oh my gosh, the feelings you will have about yourself will be so joyful, so proud, so good, why you might reach out and give more of yourself and make the world around you a better place.
Your children might see you alive and living a successful life, and want it too!
Your family might celebrate your success...
You might reach out into your job or community and make a huge difference in someone's life...and
what could be more rewarding than making a difference, but it must be made inside ourselves first.
You can't buy that at Walmart,
nor order it on line...NO one can give it to you,
only you can EARN it by sticking to your promises, and building that self control that is worthy of your own trust and respect.

[Laurenfra]

Re: Sunday deep thoughts

Thank you Jess. I am beginning to look for your threads each day to see what great words of wisdom you have. Thanks

[abstractillusions]

Re: Sunday deep thoughts

Jess, i don't think i agree with your rigid set up idea to utilize a promise to yourself as something that cannot be broken. It seems as if someone does happen to stumble and fall one day, they will crash and burn. This mindset doen't seem to be allowing a plan to achieve success beyond the rigidity of perfection. i promise myself one thing while doing anything in my life -- constant neverending improvement -- because I KNOW i am not perfect and i am not trying to be perfect. What i am trying to do is learn, let bad habits be broken and new habits to form. What i promise myself is to improve, to learn, to strive to put into works what i am learning, to strive to reach and maintain the expectations i have of me all of this deals with improvement not perfection. To me, Success is about being able to handle the failures as well as improving so one reaches success. To me, to see success that has no failures, stumbles and falls is setting one up to fail in the end. Ask most successful people in the world and they will not say that their climb to the success was without stumbles and falls occassionally, they will not say it had no failures, but success is built of the whole. One can make promises to onesself, the promise to succeed, but in my opinion, if one sets a promise up as a perfection word, the rigidity will become the biggest failure for its not allowing learning, its causing a set up for being ones own worse enemy.

i am not telling you to relax your promise to yourself, i am suggesting that perhaps you need to see this way of life as a structure, not a unforgiving wall of critism or integrity damaging if you make a bad choice, heck we did enough of that while we were living the other lifestyle.

Many people here feel success without promising themselves perfection or seeing the word promise as some ultimate aspect of horror if they stumble and fall. You seem very judgmental about what you believe people should do to succeed. I know many people who have lost 100s of pounds and they did it with IMPERFECTIONS within the journey. They stumbled at times, they needed to reevaluate etc, they lost their motivation, they made promises that they didn't keep to themselves, but the end result is they DID IT, they succeeded, it may have taken a couple tries and restarts, but in the end, they LEARNED from their stumbles and bad choices, they didn't conform to a ridgety that if their failed promise happened to themselves they didn't crash and burn and completely give up. Instead they picked themselves up and moved on. That is one of the biggest things to learn in this lifestyle as much as eating correctly and getting the exercise. Stop being your own worst critic. We did enough of that while overweight, we shouldn't be bringing that concept along with us. Its a mindset for ALLL OCCASSIONS, including dealing with a stumble or even a fall. Those are just as important to learn how to deal with, in my opinion, it may be even MORE important becuase these things have the capability of causing a person give up because they didn't keep their word they start thinking they "CAN'T" keep their word or promise to themselves so why should they try.

So in my opinion, continuously seeing such a negative aspect to a promise to onesself iin such a rigid aspect such as touching on ones integrity and honor and how they feel about themselves stumbling and/or falling happens, to me doesn't help explain what this way of life and way of thinking and eating are about as a whole. Its about constant neverending improvement. Stumbling and falling is not a reason to give up, beat up, or give up, its not about breaking a promise to onesself, its about learning what caused the stumble and fall, its about learning to identify obstacles before the stumble and fall, its about learning to plan what to do when these obstacles pop up.

Its about learning and implementing what has been learned, and if one stumbles, no i am not advocating doing such, but if and when it does happen, its not about screaming at ourselves on how our integrity is damaged, we are a promise breaker etc. Its about picking yourself up, and determining how to handle the situation in the future so one can move past it and not get stuck on it and not repeat it. Many people were able to succeed without stumbling, many people are not. Therefore, i don't believe advocating beating myself up and utilizing a promise as some rigid aspect of success or failure is beneficial to everyone. To some it will be, but to some it will be setting themselves up to run if they do stumble because they hate themselves, feel they can't do it, can't keep a simple promise of yada yada because of the rigidity of the promises they are making themselves.

I think the reason so many people make the promises and then disappear is because they make themselves a promise of perfection, instead of promise of constant neverending improvement. Perhaps if they take the rigidity out of promise and don't see it as perfection and instead see it as learning, improving, following through, and sometimes brushing off, they may not feel the need to disappear and instead just set out to continue trudging up the hill looking for the handholds and foot holds and if they miss one they hang on tight and search for the next one.

i stumbled the other day, but i didn't beat myself up, i identified, acknolwedged, recognized and prepared, moving on to today in which i am 5 lbs lighter, working out 15 minutes more on the devil machine and STILL moving in the direction of success. My promise to myself is not perfection, its constant neverending improvement.

You and i see things differently, but we are both achieving our goals through different means. I hope you had a nice weekend.

[Bren]

Re: Sunday deep thoughts

You and i see things differently, but we are both achieving our goals through different means.

I think that says it all! We are all different and that is what makes the world go round!

You have to find what works for you.

[julirama723]

Re: Sunday deep thoughts

Interesting posts...yes I agree that we all see differently, but I just want to say a few things in Jess's defense.

I have never known her to be negative--in fact she is probably the most positive person on this board. Her writings, thoughts, and actions are an inspiration to me--but perhaps it's because my view is "rigid" like hers. I know that life isn't perfect, but an imperfect life does not mean license to cheat or be lazy--I have not given in to cravings, urges, or cheats, because I know what my ultimate goal is--stringent as that may be. Jess has a goal, and she works daily on getting there, often with deep musings on changing her life, working towards becoming a healthier person, and doing all she can to better herself.

Honesty is the best weapon we have against the struggle of overeating/bad food choices. Are we HONESTLY hungry? Are we HONESTLY recording our food intake? Are we HONESTLY measuring our food servings? Are we HONESTLY progressing through the program at the correct pace for our bodies? I have never known honesty to be a bad thing. I am honest about my life, and about Atkins. I think that is what keeps me on the straight and narrow and cheat-free since I began.

So I guess, in closing, I just want to say that abstract, you brought up some good points that I agree with, but I think my viewpoint is more aligned with Jess--and I don't see it as setting myself up for failure at all. I see it as laying everything out on the table, no surprises, and not giving myself an excuse to cheat or strive for less than I really can. It's about self-improvement to the fullest. Oh, and Jess and I are BOTH in the second time around club...so obviously we haven't "crashed and burned" but have learned positively from our mistakes...

[abstractillusions]

Re: Sunday deep thoughts

juli i think you misinterpreted my statement, i am NOT giving myself or anyone an excuse to cheat. I am sorry if you feel that's what i was doing. Nor was i giving anyone an excuse to be lazy. What i am saying is there is a rigidity of mindset and there is a preparation of mindset. In my opinion, being able to come back from a bad choice and NOT let it throw you completely off is JUST as important as sticking with the program. Which means to me becareful of the promises you make because in the end if you make impossible promises you will end up beating yourself up IF you happen to make a bad choice. And beating yourself up COULD lead and seems to lead many people in giving up all together because "they just can't seem to keep a promise to themselves." In all reality what i see from a majority of people more often than not is they do happen to stumble and fall

My post was not an attack on jess so i am wondering at your choice of words of having to defend her. I am not criticizing her on her negative or postive mentality. I simply disagree with her "rigidity." Which is not an insult, since it seems to work for her, but it DOESN'T work for everyone and in fact, even her own post acknowledges the breaking of promises and people disappearing. Maybe its the promises people are making to themselves that is the issue. But i also believe its the handling of that breaking of a promise that is just as important, in PREPARATION of a just in case. You cannot make a promise to yourself NEVER to fail and STICK with the program and then crash and burn if it doesn't happen and give up all together. That is the rigidity i am speaking of. A promise needs guilt relief. Because many times guilt is a kiss of death to achieving your goals. You stumbled and didn't keep a promise to yourself to STICK WITH THE PROGRAM, you beat yourself up, call yourself a failure, tell yourself you can never do anything right, question your integrity etc. Or you sit down evaluate what happened, don't make any excuses BUT ALSO don't come down on yourself, instead you gather your strength, you plan, you analyze and you move on and pick yourself up with a determined step forward. What i saw in Jess' statements was the former aspect of not keeping your promise, and i am sorry, i can't see how that would be good for anyone who already has self-esteem issues, and trying to find the confidence to keep going.

I am not advocating making bad choices or cheating or being lazy despite what you may believe, i am saying that it seems more often than not people make themselves completely rigid promises and in the end, it causes them to not only fail in an instant, but fail completely because they give up.

All in all, perhaps promises should be different. Jess doesn't need defendning as i wasn't attacking her nor critizing her i was simply disagreeing with what i felt she was saying, because i felt it was very rigid.

[julirama723]

Re: Sunday deep thoughts

Mmm, yes I agree about unrealistic promises or goals--too many people have them, and feel they're failures if they don't meet them in time, or perhaps they just lose steam and quit.

I guess I did misinterpret your tone...it just seemed like an unfair statement. In my defense, the word "you" can mean it's directed at a specific person, or people in general. Sorry, abstract, once again, the written word makes fools of us all. But I guess because I speak with Jess on here daily, I feel like I know her plan and goals, and I just didn't see her in your statement.

Abstract--I wasn't accusing you of being lazy! Honest! <scouts honor>

I was just stating my viewpoint on Atkins and setting goals. I focused on honesty because I really believe that's the key here--how many years did I deceive myself into thinking I was happy being fat? How many years did I deceive others into believing I was truly happy? But people have always found me to be a brutally honest person in other areas...that's why I need to tie it in to my eating/exercising plan.

People need to find a common thread or a concept that makes Atkins work for them...I feel like mine is honesty.

Let's agree to disagree.

[abstractillusions]

Re: Sunday deep thoughts

juli, i was actually going back and editing out the "yous" when you posted because i was rereading what i wrote and noticed the yous which were the generic yous but could be construed differently.

I agree with the honesty bit, how can one not be honest when one makes a promise, it gets broken and then analyze, recognize acknowledge and follow through. All of that in and of itself is honesty at its rawest. Because you are not only dealing with your issues honestly openly etc, you are not hiding behind ideas that simply aren't true.

i don't disagree with what you are saying, but i do disagree with rigidity in promises that have absolutes attached to them. To me, it is setting up a majority of people to fail because as is seen regularly most people allow a stumble to send them tumbling off the cliff of i can't do this and self-disgust which leads to them going back to not caring etc. I've always hated the word fail, probably from my childhood when i got an A but failed because it wasn't an A+. or i got a 1st place but not a perfect at competitions.

I try and stay away from the word fail in a negative sense because this is a journey, instead of judging myself when i do "fail" i instead analyze and try and find solutions so i can keep going and continue improving. If this all makes sense, i am not sure. To make a rigid promise means you could fail, and to me fail means not succeeding. And i will succeed at this way of life even if i "fail" which i like to call stumbling lol along the way, my success is simply to keep moving and striving towards my goals in an constant neverending improvement mindset.

[Shilorunamok]

Re: Sunday deep thoughts

This thread is exactly what I need to read today. I really do love this place!

Abstract, I totally agree with you about this (sorry, I'm not good at quoting):

"In my opinion, being able to come back from a bad choice and NOT let it throw you completely off is JUST as important as sticking with the program."

I week and a half ago I ate a pork chop with shake n' bake on it. (I won't go into the whole story or whatever, but I was on induction). It took me 10 DAYS to get back on track. 10 DAYS. How foolish, why . . . because I screwed up. I cheated. I didn't have the strenghth to not eat what was made for dinner. Seriously, it was like 2g of carbs and it didn't even affect me. I thought I came through it OK. Looking back at my journal I was pretty positive about it.

But I let my perfection get the best of me, I was stressed out from work, and since I had already "Cheated" I slipped up a little more and a little more each day, until Friday, when I polished off a whole bag of brownie cookies (that was my breakfast and lunch by the way).

If I would've learned how to just bounce back and not beat myself up because I'm not perfect, I could've save myself alot of greif and headache (literally - I got some wicked headaches from all the carbs)

In summery: Yes it is best to not cheat, to remain strict to your diet, to build up that momentum and strength so you can get throught the tough times. Drink your water people, Exercise!!

But if you do slip up, it does not make you a bad person, it does not make you weak. I broke a promise to myself to do a clean induction, and boy howdy did I make my self pay for it. Totally unessisary.

Love yourself enough to forgive your mistakes. Learn how to pick yourself back up. You wouldn't berate your best friend for making a bad choice and tell her to give up because she's a failure (or force her to eat an entire bag of cookies *gag*) - don't do it to yourself.

It sucks when you screw up. But it sucks more when you give up.

Like I said, I needed this thread today. I am on day 2 of my clean induction re-start. I feel just as good today as I did when I was at 1 week.

Cleochatra wrote a really good post about perfectionism . . . sorry I can't find it right now .

[abstractillusions]

Re: Sunday deep thoughts

hi kristi, i am soo glad you fought your way back to getting back on plan. It may have taken 10 days but if you are learning from it that's what counts. I am sorry you lost your footing though, gather your stength and move forward as you are.. great to hear!! Keep concentrating on the good feelings as was also part of what Jess described above, because those good feelings will get you through the tough times too.

Now you know if something happens, stop, analyze, acknowledge, recognize and follow through to help you stick with the plan and make the right choices to keep you moving forward.

Congrats on finding your way back.

[Shilorunamok]

Re: Sunday deep thoughts

Thanks!! You guys are all a big help!

I found the link!!

http://www.atkinsdietbulletinboard.c...ad.php?t=36970

*Edited to Add* Number 3 on the list is what gets me every time. Definatly a learning opportunity

[Waterbabe_Helena]

Re: Sunday deep thoughts

I totally understood what abstract meant in her first posting.

I just love Jess's posts and her attitude. I love the way she fires me up with so much enthusiasm.

Having read all of this thread, I'd have to say that I agree with abstract when it comes to promising ourselves perfection, not because there is anyting wrong with perfection per se, but because of what happens when/if we stumble and fall. Too many people, having taken a vow of perfection, are so excruciatingly ashamed of themselves that they leave the board because of their shame (they cannot admit to others that they stumbled) and / or they give up the diet altogether, which is tragic. If you demand perfection and stumble, you may well be so immersed in self-disgust that you go off plan altogether!

My own position takes a bit of both: I aim for perfection, but not in a gritted-teeth kind of a way. I know I am going to have the odd cheat now and again - I've had several since starting Atkins on 7th September, but I have got right back on plan the next day and as a result I have lost 13lbs in 9 weeks 5 days.

Helena

[Babs]

Re: Sunday deep thoughts

Good Sunday everyone!!

I've tried to write several posts for this, but I can't seem to feel comfortable saying anything right now; it's not coming out right. I've had an adbb posting writer's block for a while for some reason. LOL I know what you are saying Jess, and I think I know you're trying to bring this out in all of us too. to make us think about ourselves and not offend because we don't do it your way. I appreciate your posts always, as well as everyone elses equally. I'm here to offer support for everyone as well because I've been here before, and I understand.

It's the best that everyone does what's best for them. I read the part in DANDR about the tortoise and the Hair...both happy endings.

It took me a couple of years of serious DAILY struggle to start back on Induction and perhaps if I had not had my perfectionist mind set, I would have started posting earlier while I was trying to explore what was going on with me. But I did finally make it back on my own and now with the help from the members here, I'm still going. I'm happy that I am now the Tortoise plodding along in the right direction, and if I may fall or stumble, I'm going to learn from it in my own way, keep going, or try. I'm 48, so I don't expect anyone to be where I am on thie diet, no matter what age. We are all unique in every way! I have lost 19 pounds since Sept. 1. I exercise, I take 3 different meds and can't exercise as much as I want or need. I do what I can, when I can.

[cathyjobob]

Re: Sunday deep thoughts

I am not a wordy person as some of you may well already know...

Let's all stop talkin' and go for a walk to Iowa together! Come on girls!...lol.

[Babs]

Re: Sunday deep thoughts

I am not a wordy person as some of you may well already know...

Let's all stop talkin' and go for a walk to Iowa together! Come on girls!...lol.

LOL just when I decide to talk. LOL (kidding! )