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Re: Sunday deep thoughts
I am being lazy this morning and instead of changing them all i want to specify the "yous" in this post are generic and general in nature, and not personal.
Rachel, i still fail to see where i am advocating slipping or where i am disagreeing with Jess in that i ADVOCATE slipping, as i said, i still believe you are not reading what i am saying. Sorry but i do not, i think you are using my other thread and transfering the indication Jess made that i somehow advocated my bad choices and you are bringing them here instead of reading what i am talking about.
What i am talking about has NOTHING to do with what you put in our mouth, it has to do with the promise of perfection and the indication that to hold yourself and your integrity up so highly that IF you slip you cannot regain your sense of self-worth and balance to move on and keep going. Which MANY MANY people seem to do, the promise of perfection they make themselves and then they are not able to maintain that promise to themselves causes them to fall so hard because of a bad choice they cannot continue on and they simply leave the program and think badly of themselves.
When you hold your integrity to yourself up as a reward or punishment in this way of life, IF the worst happens and you do slip and cannot pull yourself back because you cannot see beyond how damaged your integrity is and so many give up.
THIS is what i am talking about Rachel, i am talking about promises so rigid they harm more than help, they attack your honor and integrity so that if the worst DOES happen, you cannot pull yourself back to it. These promises are made continuously by people wanting to succeed however, the majority of people cannot bounce back quickly from bad choices BECAUSE of the rigidity of their promises and they don't have a plan to survive, they only have a plan to get through today perfectly.
By the way Rachel, i am also doing this the second time - hence my posting in this forum, as i lost 50 lbs in 2.5 months the first time, but because i held myself to such rigid promises, when i did finally make a bad choice after 2.5 months, i wasn't able to continue because i came down so hard on myself, i lost my balance and fell so badly that i beat myself up and lost my caring. because i focused on how badly i damaged my integrity and self-respect, i didn't feel i deserved to continue on this wonderful plan and continue having success. Heck, i was so disgusting i couldn't even keep a promise to myself. It took me a while to realize how wrong, and how badly i harmed myself holding my integrity and self-respect up to judgment to get me through day by day on thsi way of life. Food had been the focus on getting fat, i realized belatedly that food was not the main focus of finding success in succeeding. I am the focus, not the food, the food is the tool.
So like you learned things from your first time around, so did i, and it seems we learned different things. I don't agree with a perfection promise to onesself, the minority may be able to get past a bad choice if they have one, but the majority usually cannot. We spent a long time beating ourselves up, having people beat us up think badly of us etc when we are fat, there usually is a stereotyping going on, what i am saying is in this new way of life, we cannot do that to ourselves.
Again to reiterate so my words are not misunderstood, i do not advocate slipping, i do not have an issue with people saying they won't cheat, i do not advocate bad choices, and i fully believe the program needs to be done correctly, however, i also have learned the hard way and it seems many people do, IF you have a rigid, non-bending promise where you hold your own integrity up for judgment IF that promise to yourself happens to be bent or broken, HAVE a plan to get back to it, have a plan of learning and forgiveness and NOT beating yourself up, have a promise of never-ending improvement that you can lean on IF you make a bad choice.
The operative words here are "if" not when. There are many successes even on this board alone that made it based on success of the whole, and when you look through their story you DO see bad choices but the success was because they learned to get beyond those, they learned to deal with their bad choices and continue moving forward.
Again, the rigidity i am speaking of has NOTHING to do with slipping or not slipping choice, the rigidity i am speaking of is within the promise yuo make yourself and the inability to bounce back IF the worst occurs. You are saying cheating is not an option, i agree, what i am saying does not advocate cheating. But this lifestyle goes far beyond what you put in your mouth, it incorporates an emotional level as well as a physical one, therefore, some of us have had to learn to realize that the success is in the whole, not just not putting the wrong food in our mouths. The success comes from not just losing the weight, but being able to incorporate all aspects of life into this way of life and that means being prepared for dealing with a broken promise to yourself in a way that does not send you pulmulting to giving up because you held yourself to such a high unflexible standard that you are unable to forgive yourself because you see your integrity beyond repair.
as you said, this is the 2nd time around for most of us, we all know the program, we know what to and what not to put in our mouths, how to exercise etc, we have all had weightloss in the past -- however, this time is about success, which incorporates far more than the correct foods and exercise. This is what i have learned this time around.
It seems you don't understand what i was previously saying, perhaps you do now. If not, then i have tried, i am glad many have gotten what i am trying to say.
I am being lazy this morning and instead of changing them all i want to specify the "yous" in this post are generic and general in nature, and not personal.
Rachel, i still fail to see where i am advocating slipping or where i am disagreeing with Jess in that i ADVOCATE slipping, as i said, i still believe you are not reading what i am saying. Sorry but i do not, i think you are using my other thread and transfering the indication Jess made that i somehow advocated my bad choices and you are bringing them here instead of reading what i am talking about.
What i am talking about has NOTHING to do with what you put in our mouth, it has to do with the promise of perfection and the indication that to hold yourself and your integrity up so highly that IF you slip you cannot regain your sense of self-worth and balance to move on and keep going. Which MANY MANY people seem to do, the promise of perfection they make themselves and then they are not able to maintain that promise to themselves causes them to fall so hard because of a bad choice they cannot continue on and they simply leave the program and think badly of themselves.
When you hold your integrity to yourself up as a reward or punishment in this way of life, IF the worst happens and you do slip and cannot pull yourself back because you cannot see beyond how damaged your integrity is and so many give up.
THIS is what i am talking about Rachel, i am talking about promises so rigid they harm more than help, they attack your honor and integrity so that if the worst DOES happen, you cannot pull yourself back to it. These promises are made continuously by people wanting to succeed however, the majority of people cannot bounce back quickly from bad choices BECAUSE of the rigidity of their promises and they don't have a plan to survive, they only have a plan to get through today perfectly.
By the way Rachel, i am also doing this the second time - hence my posting in this forum, as i lost 50 lbs in 2.5 months the first time, but because i held myself to such rigid promises, when i did finally make a bad choice after 2.5 months, i wasn't able to continue because i came down so hard on myself, i lost my balance and fell so badly that i beat myself up and lost my caring. because i focused on how badly i damaged my integrity and self-respect, i didn't feel i deserved to continue on this wonderful plan and continue having success. Heck, i was so disgusting i couldn't even keep a promise to myself. It took me a while to realize how wrong, and how badly i harmed myself holding my integrity and self-respect up to judgment to get me through day by day on thsi way of life. Food had been the focus on getting fat, i realized belatedly that food was not the main focus of finding success in succeeding. I am the focus, not the food, the food is the tool.
So like you learned things from your first time around, so did i, and it seems we learned different things. I don't agree with a perfection promise to onesself, the minority may be able to get past a bad choice if they have one, but the majority usually cannot. We spent a long time beating ourselves up, having people beat us up think badly of us etc when we are fat, there usually is a stereotyping going on, what i am saying is in this new way of life, we cannot do that to ourselves.
Again to reiterate so my words are not misunderstood, i do not advocate slipping, i do not have an issue with people saying they won't cheat, i do not advocate bad choices, and i fully believe the program needs to be done correctly, however, i also have learned the hard way and it seems many people do, IF you have a rigid, non-bending promise where you hold your own integrity up for judgment IF that promise to yourself happens to be bent or broken, HAVE a plan to get back to it, have a plan of learning and forgiveness and NOT beating yourself up, have a promise of never-ending improvement that you can lean on IF you make a bad choice.
The operative words here are "if" not when. There are many successes even on this board alone that made it based on success of the whole, and when you look through their story you DO see bad choices but the success was because they learned to get beyond those, they learned to deal with their bad choices and continue moving forward.
Again, the rigidity i am speaking of has NOTHING to do with slipping or not slipping choice, the rigidity i am speaking of is within the promise yuo make yourself and the inability to bounce back IF the worst occurs. You are saying cheating is not an option, i agree, what i am saying does not advocate cheating. But this lifestyle goes far beyond what you put in your mouth, it incorporates an emotional level as well as a physical one, therefore, some of us have had to learn to realize that the success is in the whole, not just not putting the wrong food in our mouths. The success comes from not just losing the weight, but being able to incorporate all aspects of life into this way of life and that means being prepared for dealing with a broken promise to yourself in a way that does not send you pulmulting to giving up because you held yourself to such a high unflexible standard that you are unable to forgive yourself because you see your integrity beyond repair.
as you said, this is the 2nd time around for most of us, we all know the program, we know what to and what not to put in our mouths, how to exercise etc, we have all had weightloss in the past -- however, this time is about success, which incorporates far more than the correct foods and exercise. This is what i have learned this time around.
It seems you don't understand what i was previously saying, perhaps you do now. If not, then i have tried, i am glad many have gotten what i am trying to say.
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