Tired of judgmental people

[knicknack]

Hi folks!

I know we've talked about this a hundred times before, but I find myself weary today. Well, for the last month.

I'm tired of the judgments. I'm tired of people trying to talk me out of atkins. I'm tired of people giving me little snide looks. I'm tired of people who act like finding a restaurant with a salad with meat in it is the worst imposition on the planet. I'm tired of people giving me guilt trips when I don't eat their food. I'm tired of having dessert forced on me. I'm tired of people thinking they know better than I do about my own body. I'm tired of even the people close to me, who are seeing my success, making me feel like I'm doing something wrong.

And, I'm especially tired of feeling like I have something to hide.

I guess I just felt like complaining about it for a bit, I don't know that there is anything to be done about it.

[PigsInSpace]

Re: Tired of judgmental people

Just stop talking about it. Keep this WOE to yourself. When people at work ask me about my food at work and wonder about it's strangeness, I just say that bread and desserts give me horrible indigestion and frankly, make me too fat (I know I may be a bit more direct about it than most people like). That shuts them up.

Don't give them the change to comment on your eating. The hardest thing for me to get through my head is not to say, "I'm on Atkin's". That just invites eye-rolls and a bunch of buttheads imparting their advice. I got tired of explaining myself and fighting it.

As far as going out to dinner, I just don't go too often anymore. II am lucky my boyfriend and his family all enjoy Atkins eating and we all can enjoy dinners together in seafood restaurants and whatnot. When it comes to people inviting me for dinner, nomatter what the restaurant, I can almost ALWAYS find something to eat. Claim you're not too hungry, your stomach is unsettled, something. I often say that I'd just like the caesar salad because "ooooohhh, that just sounds sooo good and I've been craving it lately." instead of saying, "I'll just have the salad, I'm on Atkins". You have do creatively disinvite people from feeling it is their right or duty to comment on YOUR food preferences. It's none of their business. Make it none of their business by refusing to give them any information as to your special WOE. It works, trust me.

Come on, there is enough to worry about with thie WOE than what other people think! You can do it!

[PigsInSpace]

Re: Tired of judgmental people

One more thing: people want you to indulge and therefore feel it is their "job" to make you feel comfortable with indulging. They don't like to hear that you are abstaining from their so-called "joy of food" and eating salads when they are all binging. I combat this by just making it seem that the food I am eating, I am reeeeallly enjoying (because I am!). You must become an expert at ignoring and just chalk those kinds of people up as simply one more temptation into bad eating that you must fight. it sucks, I know! But there are people out there who can support it. I don't refer to is as "Atkins" around people who are ignorant of what Atkins is really all about. I just eat the way I want and when someone questions it, I let them know in no uncertain terms that I am eating exactly what I want to be eating, thank you very much . They can't argue with that.

Keep your chin up! They are not the ones who wil be donning those cute summer outfits--you are.

[cathyjobob]

Re: Tired of judgmental people

The eye rollers are the people that see this wol as a fad...I am ashamed to say that my parents are probably one of the big reasons people think ill of this WOL...because they used to eat half a stick of pepperoni and a block of cheese a piece every day, swish it down with a 20 liter bottle of diet coke a piece and call it Atkins...they ate fried chicken nearly every night...and barely ever ate at home, or tried to cook a different kind of recipe. They didn't exercise AT ALL...they never read the book, but TOLD every person that would listen that they were "doing atkins". They were just bad examples of how Dr. Atkins wanted his diet to be followed.

Does anyone else out there have a friend/loved one that "says" they're "following atkins", but is really just eating on the cheese/diet coke diet?

[knicknack]

Re: Tired of judgmental people

Well, I don't mention that I'm doing atkins actually. I've learned not to say that over the years. What my friends know is that my mom got diagnosed with diabetes and my doctor told me to lose weight and recommended a low carb diet (all true). Even THAT gets me awful behavior though - I mean no one questions the story, but god forbid I don't want to eat at a chinese or thai restaurant. I don't go out to eat that often, but it happens when I travel and there's not a lot I can do about it.

And yet, despite this defense of the way I eat, I still get it from people. I haven't mentioned a thing about it to hardly anyone. I don't bemoan what I can't eat, I bring my own food if I need to, I eat before I go, whatever.

I do think you're right about people wanting you to pig out just because they do. I guess it makes them defensive about it. It's just so frustrating. *sigh*

[kylie]

Re: Tired of judgmental people

I have a friend whose parents do that. They give it a bad name because they have been "doing Atkins" for YEARS now and they look just like they did when they started! Not exactly poster children for this WOE. Honestly, I think they do it about 6 days a week and then carb binge on day 7 - Not the best plan, but then, you can't tell them that. There's one guy we know that dropped a lot of weight by severely restricting his carb intake...I think the only carbs he was getting were from eggs...I don't think that he touted that he was doing Atkins- but then he didn't talk much about his "diet" at all until people started noticing how much he lost - then he would just say he cut out the carbs or ate "low-carb" which I am sure many people interpreted as Atkins. I have never met a single person that has actually read the book that thinks it's anything but genious. Even when I was totally off the wagon - I knew it was the way I should be eating. I notice that thin people NEVER criticize this WOE to me - it's always the ones with a few pounds and bad habits of their own that feel the need to tell me that yeah - you might be losing weight, but you're going to have a heart attack. I just smile and suggest they read the book if they are really concerned/interested.

[cathyjobob]

Re: Tired of judgmental people

You guys are right, it's sort of sad that others want you to FAIL, I saw a counselor once for six weeks after a traumatic event I thought was bothering me...turned out a bunch of other stuff came up and she had some recommendations, but warned that the positive changes I tried to make in my life would cause upheaval in my family, because they would want "the old Cathy" to be "the old Cathy"...so they'd do anything to get me to act that way again. It's all just so we fit into people's paradigms of what they think we should be. I've had friends say to me (more than one friend)..."Oh Cathy, I don't know why you try to lose weight, your pretty enough, and I couldn't picture you any differently!" I'm sure they meant it as a compliment, but what they meant was that they couldn't picture me at an average weight! Scr*w that! I'm doin' it!

[kylie]

Re: Tired of judgmental people

That is so true of people in general. I know I am guilty of that...used to it would have to do with food/diets - if a friend embarked on a weight loss plan or whatnot - I felt intimidated because it brought up the fact that I should be doing that too. Also, it might mean that my friend will no longer be a buddy I can sit and eat crap with. Another biggie was when a smoking friend would quit or try to quit...Logically I knew it was a good thing and I wanted to be supportive, but it also meant I would have to deal with that change! We're strange creatures, humans.

[cathyjobob]

Re: Tired of judgmental people

The smoking thing is HUGE...I agree...my sister has quit, and I did think, oh there's another person I can't smoke and drink coffee with...such a social activity, but it helped too, because now I'm down to 4 a day...and plan on dwindling it down further when I'm ready.

[julirama723]

Re: Tired of judgmental people

This is something that all of us have dealt with. Usually I don't tell people I'm on atkins. I've only told like, 4 people this time around. But even by NOT telling people, I got snide comments from people in the cafeteria about what I was or was not eating. And you're right Kylie, I never noticed it before, but all of the comments were from people who could really stand to lose a few pounds! More than a few! I think it's a jealousy thing--they don't want ME to lose weight. They want ME to be fatter than THEY are!

At work, I didn't really realize how overlooked I was, physically. I've been starting to get compliments everyday now, on my clothing, on my body, on my energy, on my hair, on my skin. Those naysayers have never complimented me...they just talk about me behind my back.

If someone offers me something that's not legal, I say I've given up refined sugars and flours, and also caffiene. Sometimes if a student gives me something, I'll accept it, and just put it in my desk--they want so badly to give you what little they have, it is rude not to accept, especially with small children. I end up giving it back to the kid as a "prize" when they've forgotten they gave it to me! With adults, I just say "no thanks, you can have it!"

[Outback Jess]

Re: Tired of judgmental people

I get ya Knicky....I get ya!!!
A friend who is Not Atkins, but realizes the need to get away from higher carbs...says this, and I really really like it....
"I just quit the white stuff"...
I thought about that alot today...What's white???
sugar
salt
flour
potatoe
rice

What's light
Corn
Squash

I know there are exceptions to the statement, but it just gave me a few words that draw noisy people AWAY from ME!!!
My new problem is people asking me "WHEN ARE YOU STOPPING" Now I weight 167.5, but my sister thought I weighed 140 now...that's nice but people are starting to say, "stop before you have an eating disorder"...Well personally I thought I DID HAVE AN EATING DISORDER, ADDICTION TO CARBS...
I think I am still 20-25 lbs away from something practical, 140...We shall see.
I've been here before and people worry. My mother is certain I will die like the radio station girl who drank too much water and held it....She heard about that one and said, "See?"
America has just gotten too verbal...Too much press, to much cable, too many pundits, too many commentaries, and too many people who've forgotten to WAIT TO BE ASKED WHAT THEY THINK...

[kylie]

Re: Tired of judgmental people

America has just gotten too verbal...Too much press, to much cable, too many pundits, too many commentaries, and too many people who've forgotten to WAIT TO BE ASKED WHAT THEY THINK...

[knicknack]

Re: Tired of judgmental people

Hear hear! That is so true. I guess it's the inherent competitive nature of our society these days, or something.

[julirama723]

Re: Tired of judgmental people

Yeah. I like free speech, but not when it's aimed at my "dangerous diet."

[Sprocketjones]

Re: Tired of judgmental people

The eye rollers are the people that see this wol as a fad...I am ashamed to say that my parents are probably one of the big reasons people think ill of this WOL...because they used to eat half a stick of pepperoni and a block of cheese a piece every day, swish it down with a 20 liter bottle of diet coke a piece and call it Atkins...they ate fried chicken nearly every night...and barely ever ate at home, or tried to cook a different kind of recipe. They didn't exercise AT ALL...they never read the book, but TOLD every person that would listen that they were "doing atkins". They were just bad examples of how Dr. Atkins wanted his diet to be followed.

Does anyone else out there have a friend/loved one that "says" they're "following atkins", but is really just eating on the cheese/diet coke diet?

I love my mother immensely, but she's one of these people too. My Mom has tried all sorts of diets. The Grapefruit diet, WW, Slimfast, Alba 77, you name it - she tried it. When I lost my first 100# on Atkins, she decided to "do Atkins" too... she'd go zero carbs all week long, and then carb out on the weekends...and then wonder why Atkins didn't work for her.

I tried directing her to all sorts of sites/the book/ etc. But she felt like she was doing things the way her body needed to do them. I finally gave up.

The sad thing about her weight struggle is that she's very good at starving herself to get to a desired weight for a desired event. My sister's wedding, a reunion, etc. But as soon as the event comes and goes, she's right back to eating and overeating at that.

As hard as it was for me, I had to take ownership for my weight and weightloss and no one else's....it makes it a little bit easier, even though I cringe when my Mom says she's low-carbing.... at least she doesn't say Atkins anymore!

Best of luck!