How to deal with social gatherings?

[Becca]

My boyfriends' family gets together at least twice a week and it ALWAYS centers around food. We are usually invited out to eat and then to their house on sundays when they cook wonderful gourmet meals. They entertain frequently and yes, they love to drink too!

So this is why I screwed up my induction (4 days in and 6lbs. lighter!) on friday. We went out for middle eastern food. I ordered a mediterranean salad w/tenderloin kebob, which was just about the only thing on the menu I could order. I did not even pick at the appetizers as I was faced with pita, hummus, and deep fried meat goodies. I did have some baked chicken wings. Now while I was good at dinnertime, it was VERY difficult not to indulge and it stayed with me all night. So when we got home later I ended up eating chocolate due to stress no doubt.

Anyways, my question is how do I deal with these situations? I did let them know I was on Atkins, and I actually felt embarrassed and somewhat whiney sitting at the table "oh I can't eat that, and no I can't have that either". I would rather just stay home to avoid the whole situation, but they are the type of people who get offended. Today they are having a big gathering for the Superbowl and I am sitting here at home alone because I didn't want to deal with it. They even bought me a steak, which was very nice of them, but I would still have to sit there while everyone else munches on things I want and can't have. And I feel no better now because of the guilt of turning down their invite. I just can't win!

[not2late]

Re: How to deal with social gatherings?

http://www.atkinsdietbulletinboard.c...ad.php?t=40480

[not2late]

Re: How to deal with social gatherings?

This was written by a former moderator, JoanOH

PUT YOURSELF FIRST

Over the past few months I've read numerous posts all along the same vein. It's such-and-such special occassion/visit/vacation/banquet/snacks by co-workers and I will have to go off Atkins because I don't want to hurt so-and-so's feelings, who cooked cake/dessert/potatoes/macaroni salad/pizza/high carb foods.

My advice: It's OK to put yourself and your health first!!

One of the drawbacks of being obese is that we may not feel we deserve good things in our lives. We're not worthy. The other person is more important. It's important not to hurt other people's feelings -- no matter that they are hurting ours/have hurt ours in the past/just don't care about our feelings or our health.

Trust me, people will not stop loving you/liking you/talking with you/being related to you/working with you because you say NO THANK YOU, I CAN'T EAT THAT.

If your cousin/mother-in-law/co-worker/president of the PTO was a vegetarian and came to your house for dinner, would you INSIST they eat steak and stop talking to them if they didn't? Of course not. If you father/son/daughter's best friend/neighbor was a reformed alcoholic and came to your house, would you INSIST they have mixed drinks before dinner?? Would you never see them again because they refrained from drinking alcohol? Of course not!!

So why why why are YOU not worthy of the same consideration?!? You are simply putting your health first by not eating non-induction or high carb foods. Do you not deserve better health?!? Is your health less important than anyone else with dietary restrictions??

Try the "No thank you, I can't eat that" tactic and see what happens.

First, you are going to feel better about yourself for having the strength to stick to your WOE. And this self-discipline muscle is just like the rest of our muscles -- the more you exercise it, the stronger it gets!!

Second, you're going to discover that no one thinks less of you because you don't eat their food!!! (And if they do? Then they don't care about your health and they don't care about your personal well-being...and they don't really care about you.) They might actually admire your strength (aka will power), admire the fact you are taking care of yourself, and admire the fact that you are serious about losing weight.

And one last helpful hint. You do NOT have to tell people you're on the Atkins diet if you don't want to listen to millions of myths and misconceptions -- You'll die. Your cholesterol will go sky high. You're only losing water. Blah Blah Blah. When people ask you how you're losing weight, simply say, "I've cut out sugar, flour and trans fats... and I'm eating simple whole foods, especially those high in fiber." They'll say "Oooooh, that sounds so healthy!!!"

And it is. And you deserve to be healthy. So stick up for yourself and learn to say those magic words -- "No thank you, I can't eat that." It's not being selfish -- it's being self-caring!

Joan J

[dreamof145]

Re: How to deal with social gatherings?

I don't go into big details about Atkins or not being able to eat certain foods...instead, I just say "No thank you". That way...I don't feel like I'm being deprived with the negative words "I can't". Also, since you know they do this twice a week...that gives you the chance to come prepared. Either eat before you go so when you say "No thanks" you mean it. Or bring foods you can eat...and share it with them. I found when I started doing this...they appreciated my contribution and they actually sometimes fixed those particular foods in place of the high carb one they had made before.

Planning for occassions is the only way that you can stay on track and not feel like you are being deprived.

[attek]

Re: How to deal with social gatherings?

Who picks the restaurants each time? If you get a choice, then you could steer towards a lower carb choice. I also agree with dreamof145's advice - eat ahead of time or bring snacks and food along with you. Obviously if they bought you a steak they care about you and your new way of eating and are trying to show their support. You need to enlist their help by telling them exactly what you can have, it sounds to me like they're cooperative but just don't know. As far as temptation goes, the more full you are of legal foods, the less likely you are to feel deprived of what they're eating. Unless all our friends and relatives are on our way of eating, it's something that we all have to deal with. One key to success is planning ahead! Good luck!

[kylie]

Re: How to deal with social gatherings?

I agree with the negative connotation of the words "I can't" I CAN eat anything I want to eat - Thanks to this wonderful WOE - I *CHOOSE* to eat food that fuels my body instead of junk that will only make me fat and lethargic! So much about eating healthy - on this WOE or any other - is in our minds. If we convince ourselves we are being deprived of something, we'll act that way and are more likely to indulge in those foods that are not BEST for our bodies. I have been where you are - feeling left out and like I am the only one that "can't" - somewhere along the line, I got real and figured out that the only place I was being deprived or left out of anything was in my head. It's a tough road, sometimes, but you can get to that place where it's about your choices and not about what you are "allowed" to eat and not eat. In the early going, most of us are still "tempted" by the bad foods...but if you work your Atkins - soon you'll be able to sit in a room full of people eating crap and instead of feeling sorry for yourself - you'll feel sorry for THEM - because of the junk they are putting into their bodies.

Hang in there. You can do this!!!!

[PigsInSpace]

Re: How to deal with social gatherings?

Over and over, I will never stop pushing the importance of NOT saying things like, "No thanks, I'm on Atkins." Non-Atkin's people hate this and welcome the opportunity to show you the err of your ways. A simple "No thank you" suffices, if they pressure you, say anything EXCEPT the word "Atkins". Sure, you can open up if pressed, but keep the WOE to yourself on social occasions.

When going to parties or functions, like Not2late says, people are actually appreciative when you bring your own legal foods to share, just like any other situation. They are happy to see you eating parmesean cheese chips with salami on top or cream cheese and bacon stuffed jalapenos or cheese and meat or lettuce wraps with whatever filling you like. You bring a platter of what you like to keep yourself included. That's all people really want, to enjoy food with you and see you enjoying it, not holding back on celebratory occasions.
I keep cashews and snacks in my purse at all times. I can't stress that enough. Bring your own things, stay armed with what you want, don't volunteer info at the dinner table or say, "I can't eat that", etc. People don't want to hear it. They want you to eat and be merry, so just do it.

I eat middle eastern food all the time. They have salads, but also look for the meat combination plate and later down the line you can use the tzatziki (sp?) sauce for dipping. I even have a falafel or two and it doesn't affect my ketosis.

Take control, you can do it!

[Becca]

Re: How to deal with social gatherings?

Yeah, I usually don't get a good reaction to telling people I'm on Atkins. After I mentioned it at dinner, his father said "be careful on that one-it's not good for your kidneys" and he's a doctor so I wasn't about to argue with him. From now on I will say no thank you instead of "I can't". I can see now how saying that made me feel deprived. Thanks for the replies.

[Outback Jess]

Re: How to deal with social gatherings?

Becca, this is one of those times where you have to really decide in your heart about your way of eating...and when you do, you have to be the first one to show it respect, and then others will follow...some need to see your progress and then they'll get on board, and some are taking their cues from how serious you are. you can do this, you want to make this work for you because it really does work...
Maybe taking a week off from the "eating out" and alternating? I thanked people for inviting me, inquired if they would mind if I brought my own food. I ate ahead of time, and arrives comfortable where I could pick a light thing or just drink water and enjoy the people...
I always tell people I just quit all the sugar and processed foods upped the water intake and started exercising!!!
hang in there girl, and decide in your heart what you are going to do.

[PigsInSpace]

Re: How to deal with social gatherings?

Oh, and by the way--sorry if my post seemed a bit blunt or bossy! It's just that when I hear stories like yours, it bugs me soo much because I know how it feels. I wish people would just simmer down. I mean, how can eating McD's and sodas and candies and pizzas be the "right way" to eat, much less it be a "better way" than Atkins? It amazes me how coworkers balk at my homemade spaghetti squash and chicken broccoli alfredo with my stuffed jalapeno popper and home made sugar free ice cream when I spent all day looking forward to it's deliciousness! And then they are eating sanwiches and potato chips!

So anyway, I just wanted to interject to soften my first response. Awesome ideas from everyone!

[not2late]

Re: How to deal with social gatherings?

Oh, and by the way--sorry if my post seemed a bit blunt or bossy! It's just that when I hear stories like yours, it bugs me soo much because I know how it feels. I wish people would just simmer down. I mean, how can eating McD's and sodas and candies and pizzas be the "right way" to eat, much less it be a "better way" than Atkins? It amazes me how coworkers balk at my homemade spaghetti squash and chicken broccoli alfredo with my stuffed jalapeno popper and home made sugar free ice cream when I spent all day looking forward to it's deliciousness! And then they are eating sanwiches and potato chips!

Don't forget, they are usually chewing on cake or donuts and drinking huge cups of coffee containing several tablespoons of non-dairy creamer while they sermonize too.

Many people want to believe that the only thing we eat on Atkins is eggs, bacon, steak, more eggs, more bacon and more steak. We supposedly don't eat vegetables and our beverage of choice is supposedly bacon fat.

The strictest part of Atkins is Induction phase, which lasts only 2 weeks. Unless the charts show you are severely metabolic resistant to weight loss, I don't think it's wise to stay on Induction for more than 4 weeks: you won't gain any weight loss advantage and you will most likely get bored with the food and fall off the plan. Alot of people are also scared because they feel they will lose control over food during OWL: not so, because OWL foods are eaten in specific amounts. So it actually helps you control your food alot better than Induction's "don't eat more than 20 net carbs, limit the veggies to the ones on the list and limit to only 3 cups," etc. etc.

Moving to OWL phase had been a benefit for many people because they notice an improvement in their losses and their food choices open up. On OWL, the only foods you have to avoid are the ones with added sugar (cakes, most breads, etc.) and foods that affect your weight loss. During my OWL, I didn't have problems eating at restaurants or at parties. I knew I could eat some fruit salad, some mashed potato, some rice, etc.

[Becca]

Re: How to deal with social gatherings?

You didn't sound bossy at all! It makes perfect sense. When people know you're on a diet, they watch you like a hawk and they are all too eager to comment on what you are eating (at least the women I work with). It's just plain rude. You should have seen the look on this womans face today when I had bacon and hard boiled eggs for lunch. I just kept my mouth shut even though I felt this ridiculous need to go into why I chose this meal. It was kinda funny. Especially knowing that I will lose weight eating this way! But in hindsight I totally agree that it should be your own little secret. We put enough pressure on ourselves and we don't need any extra from anyone else!

[Wonder Woman]

Re: How to deal with social gatherings?

I love it when they say, "South Beach is better because there are phases." Or "South Beach is better because you can eat fruit."

[sincub]

Re: How to deal with social gatherings?

When I first started Atkins in college, I had an overweight friend who would lecture me about how bad Atkins was for my body (her mom was a nurse, making her the ultimate authority on all things medical). She would eat donuts and bread and carby stuff in front of me and say things like, "Don't you wish you could eat this?" Not really... By the time I lost 80 pounds, she'd gotten even bigger and decided to try the diet for herself.

People who refuse to take the time to actually learn what the diet is about just don't get it. They will always think you eat bacon with a side of butter. Even when you look greak, feel great and have more energy than ever... Sad, isn't it? I agree with you, Felicia... No matter what they say, me going back to eating tons of pizza and bread and chocolate and sugar is always going to be worse for me than eating the Atkins way. I'm HORRIBLE at diets involving portion control, and the natural appetite suppressant I get on this WOE is exactly what I need to help me lose weight.