I've been dumped (sorta)

**Outback Jess** · February 20, 2007, 05:27 AM

Re: I've been dumped (sorta)

First off, I think the world of you! I know you are challenged beyond challeneged right now, but YOU CAN GET THRU THIS AND I WILL BE YOUR FRIEND AND SUPPORT IF YOU WANT. Ok listen to me Knicky...You can get a grip. I don't know you personally but I can tell you are one very smart gal. You need to know one thing very clearly, you can't get thru the mental block and work forward on this dissertation while you are so locked up in stress. You need to unwind. Step back and find the way that gets "air and breathing" back into your world. You need to stop the swirling, so you can let thoughts settle and fall into place. None of us can find solutions while frantic!
So prioritize steps that need to be brought back under control..YOU'VE DONE YOUR BLOW OUT WITH FOOD AND WINE, now step back and get a grip, on your thoughts first, on your rest, and maybe exercise a little just to get the blood pumping, clear away the mental clutter...go to the movies, something to break the tension...so you can relax and let the thoughts pull back together for this dissertation. Let go of what has to been "let go of"....Seek out calm and acceptance, because you can work from that place...
I will be around and pop in and just encourage you. I believe you will find some of your greatest strength and brillance in this difficult time. I believe there is more in you than has come to the surface for this dissertation and it's a matter of getting calm so the thoughts can come to you and you can pull this together. Spring is make or break for you, start today moving to it "making you"...YOu are STRONG woman, YOU ARE! Step up to that.

**gabriele** · February 20, 2007, 05:28 AM

Re: I've been dumped (sorta)

Hey Sweetie, I just happened to be reading this morning, and see your plea for help, so here I am, sending you some hugs!!!

And, as a Mom of a daughter who is in college and going through a break up with boyfriend right now, please let me send you some strength and powerful vibes to help you get through this!
Here's what I told my little sweet girl: You are smart and beautiful, and I'm so proud of what you have accomplished so far in life. This guy is wrong for you, so try to find the inner resolve to let go and concentrate on what's important for you right at this moment. Let the future take care of itself, the Universe will send you the right person at the right time, if you let it go.

I also got her some Codliver Oil capsules, and Vitamin D3 and magnesium with calcium, just in case. Eat steak and salmon daily for a while, and drink only water. This will get you back into ketosis fast and you will feel clear and full of energy in no time.

Get going on that dissertation girl, I'm impressed by anyone who can do that kind of work, you know you have it in you to conquer the world - YOU GO GIRL!!!!

**frenchfri38** · February 20, 2007, 05:28 AM

Re: I've been dumped (sorta)

Well first of all if your man is not giving you support your better off without him.. dont worry about all the gossip...he said she said crap... Just foucus on yourself....trust me you will be off in the long run......Apparently he does not want anyone with goals so what have you lost ....NOTHING..... you dont want to support him later on in life....so get rid of the junk and like i said focus on yourself.....Make life all about you..not anyone else .....ITS ALL ABOUT YOU!!!!!

**Alexa** · February 20, 2007, 06:30 AM

Re: I've been dumped (sorta)

Hi Knicknack,

I can really understand the dissertation angst you are going through right now as I'm a phd student too. It can be great at times, other times having to constantly motivate yourself and meet deadlines is horrible. This trouble with your boyfriend on top of that is potential for overload. Hugs to ((((((you)))))).

I would say, like the others that you really need to prioritize at this stage. I know it horrible to be dumped, but you need to think that your dissertation is important in your whole life, whereas you will probably meet another great guy at some point and forget all about the other one. Don't let that guy (who doesn't sound very nice if he just re-opened his accounts and didn't tell you) be the reason you regret not having worked harder.

Also, and people may disagree with this, if your project is due in a short amount of time it may be worth holding back on the diet for a while. If it is another reason to cause you stress and anxiety then it is not the end of the world the just eat 'normally' - because as we know induction can take time, effort and concentration. HOWEVER that has to be set against the feel good benefits that you are likely to have from induction - clear headnessess, sense of purpose etc that can really help with other areas of life. (When I did my MA big project I only coped becaue I ran every day - so don't avoid the exercise, it is great for overcoming anxiety and depression).

Also, you have already lost a fair amount so I can imagine you don't want to regain. In that case I would say don't re-do induction, but get to a steady place in OWL or even aim to maintain for a while whilst you deal with the other stuff in your life.

Actually, because of the amount you have left to lose is quite low I'd say you should probably be working through OWL anyway to know what food affect you in time for pre-maintanence.

Finally, supervisors are meant to be able to help with these kind of issues - if you are really upset about what has happened, or lacking motivation generally, you should tell them - they might even be able to grant an extension.

Hope it all goes ok

**Fozzy** · February 20, 2007, 06:57 AM

Re: I've been dumped (sorta)

Sorry if this is not worded the best, but the first rule of that is, freinds will know who is full of bologna and who is not. If those "freinds" choose to pity him, then screw em! If he wants to go that route, I'd concur with the account of you "bailing out" on the relationship. Why would you stay with a skirt chaser who is not in the relationship fully for you in the first place? He's the one who is and HAS already bailed and it's ultimately his loss and you have to really ackowledge that and move on! Stop the pity party and especially the junk food and wine! Use this as some gravel in your guts and get tough. The person in the mirror is the ONLY person on the planet who actions you can FULLY control. Go for your PHD and focus on yourself. Be selfish for a change and do this for yourself and to heck with everyone. Complete your goals and yourself, and your whole outlook will be one of complete peace with yourself. That's really what matters anyway.

**Lyssie** · February 20, 2007, 07:10 AM

Re: I've been dumped (sorta)

Hi, ummm, yeah. f*** him. Ok, the options are as follows - Use mental energy thinking about him, or about PhD? One option may be hurting like h*ll right now, the other one will be hurting a lot more later when you look back in life and you realize you would have had so many more doors open to you. Eat carby-loaded foods, and drink bottles of wine, or stay on plan? Ok, with first option, you will either stay with what you weigh now, or gain weight, I mean, isn't that how you got to the point where you are now? OOOr. With option b, it may not be as comforting to not go back to those ways when you're sad about something and looking for that loving, sleepy feeling the carbs provide, but when you get your PhD *and* you're at goal, it'll be really a lot better feeling, won't it??

**Outback Jess** · February 20, 2007, 07:31 AM

Re: I've been dumped (sorta)

See, look at the support coming in for you, Knick...girl now go answer my PM...

**PigsInSpace** · February 20, 2007, 08:14 AM

Re: I've been dumped (sorta)

Ahhh....the ole reactivation of the online dating account as means of break up. Isn't that juuuuuuust peachy?

We've all been through break up and jerks who go around with a big mouth saying big things. You have bigger fish to fry than this crap. You binged, big deal. If you feel the need to binge again, just do what Atkin's says--binge on legal foods. I did it a few weeks ago when I was fighting the pizza monster. I went to Texas Roadhouse and binged on the peanuts, two diet cokes, bunless bacon cheeseburger and buttery vegetables.

For a man to not support you during such a crucial time in your life--your dissertation, no less, and instead namecall you and talk behind your back?? THANK GOD, you dodged THAT BULLET!!!! God, you don't want that man, anyway! Can you imagine what life would have been like with him? Shudder to think!!

For someone like me, a C student foster kid for whom college was never an option--let me say that you have great fortune in being able to pursue a higher education. Love affairs gone wrong are a given in any life situation. Make time to be sad about this one, after your dissertation...it's just a few weeks. Your lifeis more important.. May I HIGHLY recommend you plan a trip? Anything from a road trip to unknown places, or a visit to an old and cherished friend. Or my personal favorite, book yourself a flight to an all inclusive resort in Mexico. It's cheap in April and May. Plan a vacation, something that you wouldn't ordinarily do throughout the year that will occupy your time while your getting your dissertation together. Plan for it for right after you turn in your dissertation. This will help you more than you can imagine.

Scrape that barnacle off your boat and sail off to the BBD, darlin'! Think of all the exciting, unknown things waiting in the wings!

The world is your oyster!

**grovemonkey** · February 20, 2007, 08:18 AM

Re: I've been dumped (sorta)

Felicia speaks the truth. You should heed her advice, it's solid.

grove

**knicknack** · February 20, 2007, 08:26 AM

Re: I've been dumped (sorta)

Oh my, you folks all rock. for real. This is SO hard for me and it's so good to hear people telling me that i'm not crazy for putting the dissertation first (which seems to be what he's upset about) and putting everything else aside. I wish he'd been up front about it and just said he couldn't deal with it instead of saying he was fine with it (and still acting that way even today) and then going trolling for women online. It's one thing to flirt with someone who comes your way, but it's another to actively go looking for them. That's just plain ole cheating, online or not.

I don't know how well i'll do on the diet, but I will at the very least make sure that i don't gain any weight. and i shouldn't let that moron influence my eating habits anyway. Although, truth be told, they weren't that great to begin with this month. heh.

So, bigger fish to fry. One that's labeled Ph.D in fact. I wish he could see that sometimes you have to give up stuff in a relationship and that it will all come back around, but I guess he can't. I'm completely sad about it, but you folks are making me realize that I'm not just some selfish b****h no matter what he thinks.

I'll figure this out, i will.

And felicia, you're right: this doesn't bode well for his character, so maybe it's better I find out now. It's completely fair that he gets frustrated when i'm immersed in work up to my elbows 24 hours a day, but to bail on me as a result? Not so much.

**Proudest Monkey** · February 20, 2007, 09:01 AM

Re: I've been dumped (sorta)

Your goals, especially such an important one, should be his goals as well. If he can't support you 100% in everything you do then he is not worth the time it takes to scrape some funky sidewalk stuff off the bottom of your shoe.

**zencyn** · February 20, 2007, 09:48 AM

Re: I've been dumped (sorta)

I haven't been told that i'm dumped, but my boyfriend reactivated his online personals accounts so yeah, it's over.

I have had this happen to me before and boy does it hurt! It's like a slap in the face, but I am sooooo glad I found out and didn;t stay with him any longer than I did. The next guy I dated after that was my now DH. Your PH.D. is very important and shame on him for not being able to deal with it. I think I agree with the advice about maintaining until you are done, you've done good so far. Maybe this will give you a chance to find your CCL.

**cincywbbw** · February 20, 2007, 09:59 AM

Re: I've been dumped (sorta)

I dont have many owrds of wisdom on this one but I send ya big big hugggssss!!!

**I_Luv_Pugs** · February 20, 2007, 02:21 PM

Re: I've been dumped (sorta)

I don't have much time to type but it sounds like he's not such a great guy and you are well rid of him. There are pleanty of good guys out there and now you are free and open to find one AND YOU WILL!!

Hang in there and keep us posted.

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